I pulled at your edges
Soft, straight lines at first
Then thick, caterpillar fuzz spirals
Echoing into the vast expanse
Of your deep under ground
No map or metal
To shine within those dark caverns
But the deeper I traversed
I noticed a glow
Stumbling upon soul fire
Left out here in the wild
Explains your constant thirst for foreign soil under bare foot
Chasing oceans of sand
Just to drink the same vent-salted water
Our tongues entwined over powers with sweet
Feeding the high of a new sunset sky
This place inside, it is golden
True
It's holy and priceless
Completely you

I am afraid to write about you
The cushioned dark corner I have placed you in
Could suddenly become back lit with soft candle glow
Or blindingly bright mid-summer sun blaze
I became photosensitive to your light years ago
These emotional sunglasses, black out curtains for my vulnerability
Are all that stands between my willpower and the truth of it all
You are delicious. Dangerous.
Completely wrong and perfect for me all in one bad decision
Time passes, memories fade, so I turn back to take another sip
Tip toes become full submersion
Why does it have to be so easy to drown in you?
I use drowning as a way to describe the sensations you evoke
Not as some romantic metaphoric notion
You are Deepness.
The surface only a tease.
You are Suffocation.
Lungs struggling with their intent to breathe.
I know this but yet continue testing these waters
One day, perhaps soon
I will not resurface.
Stones sink heavy in the heart of a sinner
Taking my better judgement with me

I watched green smoke to black
Ribbons of sensual silver-edged good morning
Snaking above me
A canopy of feel-me-up pheromones
Hazy
You watched, dripping, shower rod framed
As my frame did the same
Please, don't ask for a towel
Let's leave these sheets with the print of our bodies

Deep breath
Hold it in
Dust coating lungs and heart valves
Exhale
The heavy weight of another day keeps me stationary
I May be confined to the monotonous drudgery
But my mind is staining glass, blowing witch *****
Drawing circles with my tongue over your chest
Inhale
Pine. Rain. Man.
You sit down next to me
Quiet, reserved, not wanting to disturb
Scattered. Unsure.
Needing you to displace
Rummage through the aftermath of melancholy
Fresh air
Exhale
It's always easier to breathe around you

I'll take it from here
Hand off the wine glass and pick up the carving knife
Her lythe body lay hacked clean of both right appendages
On the center of our dining room table
Mouth painted red and bruised
We normally eat together
I loved when he brought home beautiful women
All tormented and smelling of sorrow
Three raw, fresh fillets of meat lay out before him
His teeth curving into a smile
Gleaming in the bright light as he slices strips off
Holds them out to me
I **** at his fingertips while pulling away
The meat is tender, she was in excellent shape
I could taste her laughter melting into my jaws
Reaching for him, unable to resist
Sliding ****** hands down his torso to silk lounge pants
Knowing what was beneath them well
Anticipating what came next
Feeding always evolved into *******
The soft whisper of clothes shedding
Wicked heat radiating in waves
He pulls tight on my hair
Hiss
Lifting up and over the warm form of our dinner
Popping the head of his shaft into my tight heat
Groan
Slowly he grinds into me
Escalating into a bass beat influenced pounding
I scream into the dining room
Always released with his jutting ***
Slowing down to kisses and laughter
Let's eat

He used to be more aware
Vision peripheral instead of pinpointed
More real
More free
He remembers what choice tasted like
As he rolled each opened ended one across his kaleidoscope tongue
He knew this would drown him before he could breathe again
His heart lines had turned to dust
Blowing gently into the visceral wind of his malady
This left him misguided
Every hand through his
Fingers entwined
Became collateral in this new war he did not know how to fight
All encouragement fell on his now deaf ears
All he could hear was the weighted hum
Of personal failure
Another day spent in bed past noon
Joints moaning in protest when pushed to function
He would pull himself together
Sew the chasms and fizzures close
**If only he could make that choice

I know it is not my place
Yet I read your work and cannot help but wonder
Can you see yourself the way I do
Not just a mess. A horrible person
With honey in their words
Acid on their tongue
Dreams of neverwhere dripping like leaky faucet lips
I cannot help but want to fix with a wrench

Stay
You always seem so far 
Away
Even the bleached roads between us
Cannot keep these lies from drowning 
Piece by piece
I don't want this to hurt you
I don't write this to hurt you
My hands fall down by broken sides
Bruised love handles telling their own 
Version of what always happens
Stay
You don't have to rip away 
Tearing what little fabric we still hold
Deafening, the aching numbness that follows
Silence
A sword wielded  by an expert marksman
On your own time, sweet heaven hurry
Tensed like a bow string, ready 
Stay
Never fade

Screening all of my calls
Past tense
Cell phone out the window
I have nothing left to say
My borders have been shut down for ages
Rust making them squeak
Easy out unable to be found
Thoughts stream uncontrolled
I want you
Get out of my life
**** me
Shut up
Tuesday mornings are a *****
Filtered through and watered down
I am not a predecessor
Only a predestined failure
Stay away
I only keep words
Words of goodbye

Do not focus so much on the form
*We are all eternal

I just don't know any more
Born with the thirst
My apathy competes with it daily
You bathe in my joyful countenance
Never splashing further but surface deep
I know you are hurting
We all are, in some form or another
I do wish I could ease your pain
Please, just once, refrain
I call you up to cry
Twists  into all about you
Words of solace tumble from these numb lips
Stretched thin over a veneer of caring
The hard part is always the swallow
How do I get around this goose egg
Closing up my throat
Defense mechanism meant for strangers
I don't shed tears for the self-inflicted
*At least you have a choice

Sun rises, creamsicle smooth over high peaks*

I come alive again at day break
Dark hours of 3am once held tightly
To the silky slide of my dreaming mind

A crimson muddy ravine is marked on both sides by
massive cliffs towering over the precession below. A figure wrapped
in white muslin and rubbed with ash  is propped up on a stone altar. Around the figure
tribesman and women dance hard, their eyes wild, their curled fingers wicked.
The figure is not touched by the dancers almost as if he is diseased. I realize
at this point that that is exactly what is going on. A plague has swept through this
tribe and killed many. They burn the bodies on these altars to appease the gods
and to beg mercy. The dripping fat and flesh pools in the mud below, making a small trickle of filth that led to near by water. Down river from this tribe is a whole different world. Here instead of being dark
skinned the people are very pale. All of their houses are remains from shipwrecks
put up into trees and connected by rope bridges, hammocks and twisting vines. Below the fields are
covered with water. Below the surface was their crops. Melons, lettuces, berries, peppers all kinds of
earth like flora but every species glowed softly with a pulsing beat. The pale tribe was very careful walking through the lines while harvesting. One rough handling could ruin the whole crop. A sense of fear was here all of the people smelled strongly of it. I could still hear the drum beat of the sick tribe. All work stopped and slowly everyone turned to look at me. Just then a loud crackling sound shot through the sky. A bolt of lightening struck close. Gasps could be heard all around. I looked quickly at my feet in the fields of water and didn't see the glow. The fields were black. The pale faces around me sunk in, gaunt and hungry. Their mouths worked but I could not hear them. My vision went blurry then black, fading away from their struggle.

I found you permeating my wedding bouquet
Dried scents of longing and what could have been
Are never as bittersweet initially as they are when revisited
Intake breath so deep I can feel red blood cells gorging themselves on the bounty
Tiny dust motes dance along late afternoon sunlight
As comforting shafts sneak through closed curtains
Heart beat slows as though to stretch the moment
Minutes pass, then time seemed to fall away
Breathing you in
Saturating late August with wish-you-were-here whispers
Freed quietly from salted lips as the day dims

You make every nook and cranny
Each thirsty, soft curve
Lean towards the rough edges of your touch
With the exquisite ease of a man that knows
Exactly
What
He
Wants...





Me.






*Wet.

He anchors me
When my carefree wings take me too high

Tentacle arms surround him
Past my wintery armor he sneaks by

Ever the sunshine skip
In my stormy seas sway

Cradling my heart softly
Intensifying come what may

Blending completely
Edges blurring into one

Always in tandem
A moon for her sun

I may not be able to feel my fingers
The words still flow.

Seeing it clearly again
The falling of a feather
Is enough to break even the strongest
When all weighed together

Inch by careful inch
Whittling painfully away
What little I had left
To fight another day

Words no longer flow easy
No rain here to fall
Just dry sandy pastures
Burying it all

Maraschino cherry red sun rays cut through pre-dawn shadows
I lay dormant in dream state
Limbs waking up to the vision of juicy starburst colors
Dancing across my pale gray walls
I stretch languidly with whispers of "good morning" coming from each molecule
The first of March three years later and I still ache
No amount of yoga, running, sweat or tears could ease the soreness
I get overwhelmed, stay in bed, retreat from sound
There is no running from the memory of your voice
Realizing that I did not want to was a journey
I prefer the echo to the silence
I trade the shadow for the light

You flutter softly
With hope dusted wings
Against the cage
Of my sentry posted ribs

How could you affect me still?
Even these pages cannot forget
Outlines of shadows staining their surface
Soaking up your soft, fading scents of cemeteries and midnight walks
Haunting my dreams, driving me mad
With wanting the unattainable
I lick parched lips from a desert mouth
Tasting salt and sand
Unable to erradicate the memory of your teeth
Penetrating. Every. Thought.
Lush and violent retaliation lashes through me
How could I abstain?
To heady of a high to not fully submerge myself
In the black ,depthless veil just before dawn
Pulling me under, deep, just like you
Alone.
Just like you

Colour of a blue eyed newborn's
Iris sneaking itself through
Marshmellow clouds lined
With pink mother-of-pearl
And my admiration.
I want to touch everything.
I work with my hands.
I can build whatever you need,
And am the best tickler
South of the Arctic.
I want to put my fingers through
Anything beautiful I see.
Always looking;
Wanting to touch.
                              
That which begs to be touched
My mind caressing tree limbs
Breathing in celestial counterparts
To weave through this new configuration
Third eye open
Stumbled upon fathomless depths
Unknown
Wide brimmed, wide eyed
Don't sleep, don't sleep
So much yet to soak up
To taste


That which begs to be tasted.
Skin, warm with wanting,
Wet with relief and
Passing contentment.
Lips that uttered
Curses now kiss soft
Fingertips tracing
More love than
Love has ever had.
All is new
To the reborn.
Here are my hands.
They see through me,
Look into you, and rest
Upon the centre of your
Innermost centermost.
An umbilical between
Godess and
Man.
I smile mouthfulls
Of everything.


Hopeful, hope filled
The silver edge to this cloud
Dropping rainbow 3pm's to halo
Around my grinning skull
I am simple in my sobriety
Chrystal cut clear in winter yearning
Seeing the forest finally for the trees
These wonders reaching down out of the darkness
Shedding light on this pale, pale mourning
Nerve tips trace along your dips and curves
Memorizing
Mesmerized

And that baby-eye blue
Is now a full grown heaven
Full of sweet nothings
And nobodys,
Holding only such ideas as
Void and timelessness
In its handless hands.
I watch it with you; arm
Around your doll waist,
Shoulder against your
Head.
It's a new day.
A new, beautiful day.
A new, beautiful, hopeful
Day for us both.
Pots of gold on either end
Of this unimaginary
Rainbow.

Pursed lips french exhale into the coldness of late January
On the inhale I can taste your cemetery shadows
The rich, bitter heat of your stalwart heart
Thumping to the tune of midnight
I want to draw on your edges with salt and whiskey
Make it burn, make it hurt
Let it really sink in how far away our fingertips have become
Am I still she?
Is this still me?
Looking for answers under the bird feeder
All I find are empty shells

Gripping panic. Where have you gone?
Dark shadows pull heavily on already languid limbs.
Your smell permeates my pillow but your warmth is gone
Dream of you. Whisper your name amonst the stars
Pleading with them for just a glimpse of the sun
For only your light can wake up my silent heart
Lurch, pulse, stutter...then thump thump thump
A soft rhythm of life
I lie in wait
Eye lashes flutter close
Feeling you inch closer and closer
Coming alive has never felt so good
Blood and bone burning for just a taste
Feed me

Often we do not know what ails us
Only that it hurts
A combination of the parts of an experience
Or the whole
Compared to what is left behind
Memories.
Good or bad
They remain

I remember how bright you shined
Silver linings do exist

I'm looking for a runner
A top gun stunner
Someone who does not shove me behind
In battle
Instead prefers me side by side
A shield maiden in my own right

I've dipped
Cold toes into your lapping edges
Tide pools wide as craters
Years deep with stars and scarfish
Not knowing you'd **** me in too
On down I sink
Gulps of your ink slick love flood
The tightened synch of my lungs
Your warm depths thaw
This January heart
A year of darkness, breaks
Below, light shines
Soft and glowing as I drown in you
This must be heaven
*This must be heaven

By Sverre G. Holter and Brook Ilges

I turn, giggling
Your fingertips just out of reach
Of my sensitive ribcage
Running full blown three-year-old style
Down slick hard wood hallways
I can hear your steps catching up
I grin
      
You turn, giggling
A cloud of dandelion seeds
Floating between my fingers; a
Handful of fog
Mocking me unmockingly with
Every echo thrown like the frisbee
That entertains the puppy
Until its teeth finally sink into
Slightly elsastic plastic that
Doesnt's mind the feeling
Of sharp, little fangs
Breaking what could have
Been skin, but isn't
When I catch you
(When you let me catch you)*
I'll growl and shake you
So hard you'll laugh
Until you go limp between my
Teeth
Lets us never, never ever be
More serious than
This

The heavy weight of his gaze penetrated the darkness
More aware of him now than ever before
Something has changed
Been following her for years starting as a child
Picking wild flowers at dusk
She could feel his hunger as it swept over her
Primordial awareness
Her breath hitches, throat dry, tongue swollen
Say something
She needed to know what to do
Closer to her now
Shuffling across cool wood floor
His eyes are a black pit, colorless
Whether rage or lust fuels him she cannot tell
Nostrils flaring, cheeks flushed
She is unsure
A bead of sweat slides down between her shoulder blades
His pupils contracted slightly as though it registered
True fear crowds her prominent thoughts
Lust.
Some sorcery has ensnared him, erratic
His canines visibly lengthen
I cannot wait to taste you. Dripping honey sweet his whisper slashes
She knew she was in trouble when she felt her secret flesh moisten
She inhaled sharply feeling  his earthy scent saturate every cell
Gliding palms skim softly across her pale chest up around the silky curve of her throat
She has waited for him to claim her for years
Slipping through the darkness
Always watching
No longer.

I am compelled to lay it all out
***** laundry bleached, sun dried
Phased moon
Waxing, waning, new, full
A constant reminder of our will to change
Inherent ability to shine as much light
Or cast as much shadow
On our faults as we choose
Enter police interrogation lamp
I...am selfish
I lie
I steal
I supplement dealing with emotions with chemical relief
Often responsibilities lie unfulfilled
Compliments make me uncomfortable
I need to learn to let go
I look at myself too long in the mirror
I enjoy *** to the point that it has made my partners less confident
I procrastinate
My heart will always ache for someone I cannot have
I allow others to take advantage of me
A short list in comparison for all that I have to atone for
Yet I remind myself every day
I am only human
As are you

After everything I still believe in true love
I may be damaged but I remain strong, unbroken
Tepid winds have blown change into my life
Resurrected a winter heart, blossoming into spring
I miss the autumn though, the in between
When I was focusing so closely on the veins of leaves
Pieces of myself came into view that before were blurry
I know now that was being truly awake, alive, feeling it
Summer was but a dream then
Even further now due to my own coping choices
Drowning my sorrows was useless
Getting so high I could touch clouds did no good
I must feel it to heal it
Now I hurt, let it wash over and suffocate these little lungs
That used to hold the North Wind
Years later, the aftermath of near annihilation
I am sore, bruised, ravaged
Seams have changed
No longer just ragged edges
Somewhere between giving up and giving in
Hopeful (please)
Each morning I pull myself from the safety of sleep
Knowing that even there I am not completely out of reach
Nightmares bring you to me angry, lost or in pain
Bless me from time to time with smiles and warmth
Back from the dead or having never left
I wake up wet with tears of longing
Why did this all happen?
Could never be answered with a sentence or a word
It is what it is
This is what I live with
I have to feel it
To heal it

Festival days all a twitter
Mud caked boots alongside fairy wings
Stick haphazardly every which way
From my jeep wrangler
She needs a bath but glitter is just something else
When you leave a trail in travel
This is what I live for
Tangled in tulle, hemp and wire for months
Until the weather breaks
Breath held. Exhaaaaaaale.
Naked coffee early morning possibilities
Fire poi, wicks and hoops go next
Papadosio Magreenery proton love song
Pulsing right through the visceral point
Of each cell
Saturating my senses. Over load.
Bright, gemstone radiant color melts
Gliding across my vision as the heat
The heat takes hold
Packing in itself is a journey
The trip...

                  *and I'm not even there yet.

My body is weak and restless
Toys scattered, sweated brow
Been working at tiring myself out for hours
Nothing gives
****** after mind blowing ******
Still hungry
Ravenous, without satiation
Unable to keep my hands to myself
Therein lies the problem
Want and need **** a fine line
Between my ability to control and my ability to let go
Breathe it all in, in one great gasping breath
Your scent ribbons through the chaos
Single minded focus on Northern winds
Edged with snow capped romance
Gets me going, gets me hot
Too hot, drop it
Butterflies join the descent
Crimson splashes behind my eyelids
Oxygen deprivation presses in with heavy, leadened weight
Just. A. Little. More.
Yessssss
Echoing cries as back bowed, muscles wound tight
Explosion. Atomic fire ball. Liquid.
Catching air from the landing
I curl up into a self-love hazed ball
Ready for the next round

Awareness
Cotton soft sheets against satin skin
One eye eases open
A muffled groan into pillow
Tells the sun to continue it's slumber
For the moon still wishes to reign
Her silver light dancing over valleys
Each curve highlighted in pearlescent relief
Hollows where your tongue longs to linger
The dawn edging closer
As do you
Lover mine donning smile
Open heart
Right here
Always in between
Where I am
Where I'm supposed to be

When the rain finally falls
A tidal wave of emotion breaks free of rise and pitch
Drowning my hollow cavities
I feel full
Mouth open, jaw unhinged desperation
If I could resist, let it flow through and disapate
But no I dam it up inside
Limbs numb
Pressure tearing me apart
I can still see filtered sunlight on the surface
An anvil taking me down sits heavily
My chest it's reluctant lover
Thoughts drowning in shadowed depths

The base of my spiritual perception
Is like putty
Constantly being remolded
As I evolve
I'm glad for you, your stability
Happy that your interpretation
Demands the servitude of your heart
I cannot help that mine runs free
Flowing through gorges
Cascading down rainbow mist falls
Tearing apart against the jagged edges
Of my preconceived notions
Only to reassimilate new ideas of
*Immortality

Painted toes, the color of ripe eggplants
Flutter and kick around as giggles bubble the rim of my hard edges
Days gone by in silence, broken now by mirth
Drunk on a spring afternoon's nectar
I catch the sparkle in your eye, knowing
What comes next will have me breathless, wanting
"Please" whispered softly as giggles fade to sighs
You love it when I beg
I need this, you, here in the sunshine
Gilded fingertips tracing my tarnish
Chasing away the darkness with the promise of warmth

Deep sighs at day break*
Our heated surface no match for the inferno inside
Raging for the ache of your dark touch
Sweat slicks already lubricated flesh
I curve into the muscled wall of your chest
Closer
I need it
I need you
Appalachia shadows criss cross fogged windows
Penetrating stories written along their dewed edges
I writhe beneath your whispers of
"Come for me"
Body bowed, tight like violin strings
Played by expert, elegant fingers
Shudder. Surrender
The seat of my soul flooding with pleasure, with release
Request granted

Our gazes meet
Sizzle
Alone in a sea of people
My pulse picks up
Pure. Liquid. Intensity.
*****. **** me hard promises in a heated exchange
My sparkling laughter attracts your attention
You want it
I bite my lips through conversation
Knowing you can taste me on the air
Feeling your eyes burn into mine
Tingles race up my spine
You set me on fire
Weaving slow through the crowd
Herding me into a corner of shadows
Soft curves fill your palms
Fitting perfectly
Hot, urgent breath on my neck
"Give into me"
Pushing your throbbing length against my tender flesh
You drive me crazy
But I am a monster
Taking and breaking wherever I go
Just when our mouths touch
Already panting into the air between us
I start to fade into your memory
The unattainable
Always just out of reach

I've been wandering
My mind following the static pull of fingertip
Along sharp frames that no longer focus clearly
Gentle shakes do little to dislodge the fog
It surrounds
Suffocates
Comforts
I lie naked amongst the ruin of four years ago
An ache that just won't ease
Please don't presume to know the taste of this poison
Apathy to you, maybe
Yet this dredge and I are very old friends
Unburdened with the need of your half-formed opinion

My skin goosebumps with the breeze
Early July melting silking soft, my vision
Lucy firing metallic spark neurons
Across the liquid night sky
Sulfur edges closer in it's hazing accent
Pool water lapping against the edge
Makes me giggle
******* hard, eyes wide
I take it all in
in awe
The laughter of our captured youth echos
Mountains stand in shadowed silent regard
Cradling our memories, pasting them
against our walls
I lean back in pure joy
Deep sigh of contentment
Overwhelmed by sensation
Sizzle singed, stretched thin, just need a little closer
Inhaling the scents of independence
Cut grass, twilight dew, chlorine
Charcoal takes me back every time
Chemical rearrange pulls spastic front to back
*All I can think about is having you here

Wham Bam Thank you, Ma'am
Has never really sat well inside this vessel
Toeing that ever chalked Georgia peach line
We are but passing ships in harbor
Your vaulted sails much more impressive
When full of all that hot air
Once out of range of my compass
The needle spins towards greener pastures
Where I get freckles in the sunshine
But you will never kiss them from over there
Tasting the sweet sweet deep of an Appalachia summer
Muscles ache to leap off of Bear's Den from Skyline Drive
Spread wings and soar above the highest peak
Replace this hollow that has grown thick with ditch ****
Clear it out to welcome something colorful
Someone bold
A healing kind for me

Lust consumes my every waking thought
The inevitable fall from grace that follows after trauma
I was young, a fledging then and yet was still cast out
Into hell
As my fragile feathers sizzled
I was choked by them
An acrid mixture of burned chemicals, of ozone
The pain is unbearable
Screams, the muscle contortions wrenching my body apart
Blood and flesh take shape mortally and the fall ends
A sudden crack, my vision blurs
Sore ribs reflect a broken heart. Memory erased
The ground is hard beneath me. Flames lick at my back
Cast out from paradise for the trace of impurity my thoughts evoked
One of the fallen. Birthed in sin.

Between our meeting and parting
You slipped away
Holding on was an option
Although the burden of your smile was too heavy to bare
I would have been a slave to that grin
Already bone weary, worn thin
I stepped aside to let another try
Their hand at wielding you
With time and space, I grew
Once more oblivious of your growth pattern
Our vines had tangled
Unbeknownst to us
Silky new blooms unfurl under hot sun love crush
We could be, with what's left of me
Close friends for eternity

Florida hot sand winds carrying the rich scent of citrus
Waft through open stalled markets
A thousand flora exposed to my salivating glands
Creamy veined melon rinds, sweet and dewy
Are pale globes gracing the chest of our own mother earth
Feeding all of her children with sun drenched nectar
I discover the prickle of Pineapple
Sharp edges similar to that of Loki's temperament
Playful, forgiven,  excused for it's very nature
Bins of giant emerald plantains
Sit bulbous, suggestive and engorged
A not so delicate reminder of the Forest God's potency
Enough to curve the blush of any maiden's cheek
My hair lifts with the breeze
Catching every scent in a swirling kaleidoscope of colors perfume
Ready to bottle and bring me right back to this moment
The market's end is near, one last row
Mangos as far as the eye can see
I pluck a Champagne from the pile
Bite in deep, juice running down my now-happy-childhood chin
Mmmmm....giving over to the experience of such bright flavor
Spirituality at it's most base
*This must be the taste of God's ******