I was held close on foggy mornings
Clouds rolling in to the tune of distant thunder
A tangled mess of gray sheets
Goodbye on the edges of our teeth
Looking back now through clearer lenses I know you better than I should
Lessons and years of laughter lie between us
Still, I slumber while watching traffic in my sleep

Kung fu tutu is on the daily
Never taking this off
Kicking *** and taking names
******* alert goggles equipped
You'll need to learn Aramaic
To read these tomes honey
Left you at the START line
Muttering "Woe is me"
While circling the cage of your grave
Reaching full potential
Occurred constantly in thought
Yet your actions or lack there of fell dismally short
Peers, reserve your pity
For he was led by example
Those whom he chose to surround
Also lacked luster
While those brave few who shone
Grew brighter
I used to think he was a rough edged diamond
I realize now, all along, he was *dust

He had been working for days
A simple man
With rough hands
An eye for beauty that rivaled
Botticelli's
Dukes and Duchesses had paid well
For flattering statuary that would
Live on in granite repose
Chisel and hammer tapped away
Sweat poring his brow
He worked in silence
Though the square below him
Played the symphony of daily life
It was his hands that listened for him
He may have been born deaf but cherished he was
Treasured
By a woman who could have no more
God's gift she had prayed for
Then thanked for every day after
He knew the story
Lived her gratitude
As he finished the final curve
Placing tools on the side table
He stood back to survey his work
Realizing it was his greatest piece yet
For it was the brightest memory
Of his mother
In her face he saw God's grace

I had the weighted ghost of a palm once pressed
Now a phantom limb tingles
After reading letters you wrote while sick and prone against stark white
Heavy heart yearns to have you linger
Gentle is the softest whisper of your echoing "goodbye"
Tears slip to fall and form
Mirrored pools at my constant running feet
Each salted soldier fighting to remain
Still

Body. Mind. Heart. Soul.
Slowly each piece is coming into focus
Loss is spoken of in many ways
The shock of it for some is like winter
For other's, a desert born of oceans
given away through tears
The darkness taking those closest with it
All experiences unique
Mine was/is no exception
On the other side of raw, though still sore
In a constant state of Medic! Medic!
When in crowds, looking for just you
I miss you.
A simple idea. A complex emotion.
The daily and nightly revisit of what hope's absence feels like
Baring down on you with the ferocity and venom
Of a hungry cobra, weeks without prey

This is the face of grieving
Vicious.
Cruel.

Yet it's heart is one of softness
For through it all
Every pain. Every nightmare
I have a night sky full of memories
Your smile. Your voice. Your love.
*Grief will never touch those

You sit quietly
With fidgeting hands
Lacing fingers into your own
That you wish were hers
Gravity from the black hole
That is the mid-west pulls you further
Into her stunning rings of brown eyes
Strawberry tipped, Large ******* and a mouth that could **** start a Harley
A pen in hand you doodle
Glancing up at a clock that should be melting
Going as slow as tree sap on a January morning
You wonder of she is careless or careful
Does she laugh that loud in person
Or only when she  occupies that space around her that glows

I am a whisky drinker
A moonshine slinker
I've got banjos on the brain
Unwilling to share my name
Soft and subtle with no E
Talking your ear off skillfully
Stopping to share bread with those on the road
Spreading sunshine and laughter wherever I go
Our paths will cross, I hope so indeed
May we share a jar and a story or three
Hugs are given with heartfelt intent
I hope you never know a cold winter spent
Without the hope of the warmth to come
If you need a reason I'll give you some

Waking up startled, to battering wind and rain.
Tide marks surging to great gasping heights.
Catching breaths stolen by the wind.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Watching idly by while pieces of you dissolve into the shadows.
I want those clouds weaving through my fingertips.
Their curious renderings like powdered ***** sugar.
Taste it and they fall heavy with gloom like **** death in the aftermath of such storm.

Counting the miles to the storm.
Ticking, tocking, and clicking.
The clock waiting in anticipation for the next thunderous sound.
Cold shivers up my spine like a thousand Carolina insults.
Your ghost still haunts and seeps into my pores lastly at night.
I taste defeat in the way you love.
It's like weaving clouds between my fingertips
Trying to grasp and hold onto every flowing motion of you pulling away from me

My cold, cracked walls are surged.
Towered over in their crumbling decay.
I want to taste your rain.
Your lips gently sink into mine.
Crushed velvet smooth and warm waking up the army of dead hearts ready for battle.
I am no warrior but there's blood painted across my sky.
Red sky in the morning, sailors warning, as I float on out into your turbulent seas.
Looking back on shore I realize that I'm finally home.

These seas roll uneasy.
Queasy.
Watching thru the mist towards our lighthouse that guided us to these depths
Trembling away like an afterthought.
The land has disappeared into the mouth of the shark.
Digested in the belly of a whale of angels.
Our sorrow holds us here, anchoring us to the tumultuous waves.
We battle our sea sickness with kisses of death lingering.
The soft pull of our exile turned oblivion.

Navigating with open wounds the silky expanse of midnight unwinding above us, within us.
Knowing us through and through.
An island of quivering vulnerability breaks the static horizon.
Lights, smog beginning to choke the sea air in my lungs.
Too long you've been left unkempt, grown comfortable.
That will change with new currents,
North winds bringing the frigid breath of winter.

Licking the sun off of the salty expanse of our sunburned red flesh.
The ****** of desperation lingers thru our moaning fingers
Feeling and pleading for our SOS call to be heard by anyone’s ears but ours.
The shores of this icy water leave my mind beneath the dredges of polar sleep.
We've grown strained, frost bitten, and distant in the few feet we are able to part.
The growling of hunger satiates our parched thirst.

I am rendered speechless adrift without you.
Hurricanes a coming.
Stand fast.
Secure the riggings.
Solaris brightens to light the way into calmer seas.
Those tepid shores of wonder and new beginnings fade into the horizon.
It's just you and me left to face the swelling tide.
Hang on.
The water is rising.
No one left to pull us saturated and insatiable from these waters of shadow and secrets.

The siren's song will bring us to our sharp shore end.
Resist the silky flow of nocturnal snakes wrapped around chilled flesh
Pulling closer to our aquatic hearts.
Hades and Persephone bond.
Glowing abysmal rage.
Holy grail veins.
Bleeding back into the orange crush dawn.
Night gives way to hollow rebirth
But once again we are inside one another.
Infinite.

These waves crash on overboard.
Trying to drag us back into the frigid depths with each ebb and flow.
With each crash of wave I can feel our resolve growing weaker.
The sensation of just letting go and giving in.
Should we let go and just give in?
Leave ourselves at the mercy of shipwrecks.
This hurricane dance we've perfected on the endless depthless ocean
Left us weak and willing to pull ourselves apart.
To taste our insides on the outsides.
How many times I've wondered have you noticed my stare.
The lustful licking of my sun blistered lips.
I want to taste the way you think and feel the warmth of your life to keep me alive.
The oceans call, I have heard, brings out the worst in sailors.
Always searching for the elusive siren to sing us a song.
A song from the depths of mythology to lullaby us away from our status adrift.

Our bodies collide in the tide once more.
Salted skin heated and torn
Latching on to something greater than just depths of starless prose.
You were a wicker man, weaved strong and whole.
I was a water girl, slipping straight through your bowl.
Wishes flow to and fro on tepid air laced with promises.
Our fingertips will never lose grip again,
the melody writhing between us like staccato heartbeats
Seeking solace on the endless seas.*

These waves rock us to shoreline.
Rock strewn and littered with the ribcages of whales
And the bows and sterns of shipwrecks long ago.
We pick up these pieces and hold them closest to our chest
Realizing the possibilities of a new home and a new start to this oceanic life we've drifted into.
We build a fire to warm our hearts and suspend our thoughts
Cradled and nestled in the crook of each others arms we leave our sea and our island
Soaring high into the clouds and the sleep we’ve begged for with our parched lips and swollen tongues.
Our dreams at night are the call of the sea begging to be drowned in our sand encrusted lungs,
To be one with us and our failures
The bequeathing cry of the seagull wakes us dully from our slumber
We peer out with sea salted eyes and realize it was all just a dream
We shout for help with all the voice we can muster
Letting in lungs full of icy ocean and dead crustaceans
Filling our bodies like bags of sand immobile
We’ve been sleeping with our anchors held closely
Down in the depths of the endless ocean rolling.

Poisoned.
Veins on fire.
Ashes fill a mouth once deified
Yet those standards fell short even for me
Smoldering beneath the surface
Waiting to pounce
Didn't see it coming in the form of a gold rimmed cup
Tasted sweet at first then bitter and acrid
Smoke tendrils slither around my ankles
This blaze will not be put out
A silent scream wrenches tender flesh and bone
Poisoned.
The water. Don't drink the water.

A strangle hold of memory
Deep roots in rich soil have traveled time and distance
To make fallow fields fruitful once more
An outline of your smile waxes fully in my vision
Weathered fingertips brush gently the dusted edges of dried petals
I can still smell you here among the shadows of winter
Of all the seasons to leave me breathless the cold shell of February
Lends a poetic air to your loss
I'll keep writing of my sorrow, my tenderness
For you will always have a place in my garden
Even if I let it grow wild with weeds and whispers

You may not know me
You may know me a little more than you'd like
Sometimes even I do
A few things upon first meeting
You will notice
I have intense eye contact
I laugh easily
I was aptly named, babbling
You will walk away thinking
Smiling softly to yourself
"That girl channels joy."
I hope to leave every life I touch that way, full of hope
Come soak up the remains
You may never have to know of the scars beneath
I do my best to hide them
Often failing
Pleasure is universal
Spread the love
But pain...pain is private
My ***** laundry
Perhaps I never learned how to numb it
**Pain is only relevant if it still hurts

Don't ever tell a woman to calm down.

My heart feels sick
For the disease growing be-
tween us pulling soft

Nothing compares to the ecliptic, cosmic rainbow swirl
Of your glitter blast love
Bursting over me like summer
Pulling aside the cold gray
Waking up the warmth again
I cannot fully grasp
The effect you've sugar spun around my heart
I only know these midnight cravings
Will only be satisfied with indulgence
Full on buffet of pleasure
Napkin ready  
To wipe up the bright stain of you that will remain

I could tell you that I miss you
Guitar string twang heart throb
I would be singing truths
These mountain tops, their inhales never stop
Pulling in what I give then blowing out through spiral spun honey hair and budding trees
Early spring has me humming little bees lapping up your nectar
Hot coffee in the morning reminds me of steamy midnight windows
Curled up next to your memory mid-winter
Keeping the wolves at bay
Now the bogs are calling to bright sunny days
And the only thing I'm guilty of is asking you to stay

Goodbye hung on my lips like frost
Bitten and heavy with numb intent
I've never felt such affection towards the disease of sadness

But it must be done

We have drifted, unable to moor ourselves once more
Wishing it could have been different
Is like having bees with no flowers
Useless
I know I come off cold
My eyes flat and devoid of emotion
This is the way it must be
Your tears flooded my better judgement
A lone sparkle sneaking beneath my eyelids to slide down my tired cheek
This is about as clean as I could make it
You may not know how vulnerable I feel
Raw. Rebirthed.
As I turned to walk away I realized
You must not have seen the stitches on my chest
That are holding together the lonely cavity that once held
My **heart

Your phone calls always startle me
Never knowing what I might find if I pick up
ANSWER THE **** THING!!!
Your voice is deep and melodic
Dragging me back down into the hypnotic ******
Of late night *******
Viiiiiiicccttttoooorrrriiiaaaaaa
Your moans do not escape the pulsing of my secret flesh
Reaching crescendo as I bare witness to the sound of your ***
Just a little longer you say
Tie me up a bit, spank the delectable juicy round of my generous ***
Fantasy handprints mark alabaster like a second grade Thanksgiving turkey art project
Only here feathers are far more threatening
I'll be whatever you want me to be
Between midnight and six a.m.
Caressed by the curling waft of sunlight through smoke and shadow
Your voice fades away into static
Always left wet and wanting for more

There is gold in them hills, he says
Gazing whistfully at her peaks and valleys
So he's going digging
Chipping happily away at each new glittering curve he discovers
She watched on in giggling, sunlight type wonder
Curious if he shall ever be satisfied
For he was of a thirsty nature
One for white lightening
Another for the metallic shine
Of her lace-edged divine

I paint by candlelight
Soft glow on even softer strokes
Bringing me to a time when softness was all I knew
Sitting before a blank canvas, the rhythmic breathing before giving birth
I have not been blessed with such creation but as a woman, I know
Creamy edges twist pictures, a kaleidoscope of color
High mountain mothers with cool, starlit-sparkle brooks flowing
Gray wolves howling from their peaks
Sweep across this space in deep green wonder
Blazing, heart-of-fire crimson sunsets
Rich and brilliant, coming to bright life in the darkness
Then fading into shadowy white pull of half-moon silver
Charcoal, violet, deepest black
Ink stains across a lonely sky
My heart beat stutters in memory
Trembling hands pull the flame closer in hopes to bring warmth
For shades of winter glaze my vision over with ice, with cold
Spectacular cyclic formations stabbing through the tendons of my fingertips
The chill a stark reminder that I paint like Hel
Half in darkness
Half in light

Fire in the sky
Volcano spores finding seed
Within my spark scarred chest
They grow
Racing lava through enraged veins
Once alabaster skin chameleons to crimson
Overwhelmed
It must find an outlet
This intensity could burn down a village
Melt glacial strongholds
Even evaporate the deepest depths
I choose instead a different route
Pen in hand, ink my battle axe
Blank page, innocent lines
*****. Pillaged. Plundered.
Many verses later I am spent
It's purity never stood a chance

Each spot and speckle
Each stripe and freckle
I hold near and dear
A vegan heart with garden farts
It's silly, or so I hear

Your position has always been passive
Aggressive when it comes to me
Pulled and stuffed into this little box
You see me fitting in with ease
For your eyes only
This whole private dancer mentality
Will get you torn apart
By a razor edged whit
That you are unable to contend with
No shackles
No chains
No supposed emotional ties
Will ever lock me up or shut me down

You'll need soft touches and hard *****
For that

I found god at the bottom of a jelly jar
His name was gonzo

Restless*
This summer skin grown tight
I stretch, breathing in three a.m.
Coating my lungs with the promise
Of your early morning smile
To think it is not only earth, ocean
But also time that separates us
Different planes of existence
Both aching with it's unyielding strength
Wishing on stars as they plummet
Kissed too hard by gravity's lust
Burn you up with hopeful flames
Licking at your vulnerabilities
Time will tell, as it always does
The story of our struggle
Laced with sweetness and smiles
Lessons learned but be this the greatest
"No matter how long it takes, no matter how far. I will find you."

A voracious beast devours my Husband
Distraught and upset I must put on a strong face for him
Every day I watch him grow paler and more thin
At night my dreams are consumed with needles, prescriptions
IV tubing and bad food swirl in the mix
In his eyes I see an exhausted spirit on the edge
The need to protect is a driving force within me
Hospitals should be more sterile
HE HAS A ******* FAILURE OF THE BONE MARROW PEOPLE
The next school of medicine reject who doesn't wash their hands
Will have them cheerily  burned off...by me
On the inside I seeth and cry, throw a child's tantrum on the floor
Unfair does not even begin to describe the pain he has endured
Some would say to let him go, *******
They just do not know us
For my exterior is made up of stone
Supported by a frame of steel
I will never give up
We have a will of iron
A malignancy has no control over our strength
Into the coming war of medical procedures we are defiant
Strong and Worthy
We will never give up

We enclose, impose and expose ourselves
As poets we do not see in black and white
Instead we use words to paint the countless colors
In between
Our stars align
Misalign
Great works of emotion
Spilled out from sore and joyous hearts
To reach the hidden cavities of those who read them
We are the dreamers, the night time schemers
Filling up afternoons with sunshine
Midnight walks with moonlight
Hold our heart, feel the weight of the world
Hold our gaze and *see it

There is no greater warmth
Than the light you emit

Her light went out
Where sweet warmth once lived
There is now nothing left but dust and shadows
Cobwebs drape gracefully in deep corners
Little heed to them is paid
Days go by
Dawn, dusk, Dawn, dusk
Through the night she fades indefinitely
But among falling sheaths of golden rays she stirs
Dancing circles on tiptoe round and round
Humming softly, methodical
Until, as the sun retreats
Her motions slow to a whisper
Until she is once again still
Leaving the haunting smell of roses lingering into the quiet night

I've been in three homes
Where a piano, or three
Resided in the dining room
Now one would think
That this would encourage
Music to accompany the eating experience
However, growing up
Singing was forbidden at the table

In your modesty shadows reign
Until you turn your face our way once more
Gracing us with silver beauty without equal

You've got this seven year itch
Gone through about 31 to find
The right fit for your glitch
Guitar strings for heart rings  
Hips grinding against your newest
Ink splatter


I see a face that has launched ships
Baritone stiff and moody
Like a cigar bar on a Sunday afternoon
They are all hiding from their wives
When they come to watch these shadows
Quiver

If it comes to pass
That these words are my last
Lay me down easy
Beside salty shores, warm and breezy
You'll find many thoughts left undone
Broken sentences, tales only half-spun
Hearts lay throughout, fluid and true
None so precious as the one shaped like you
I've protected and shielded those needing care
Handing gently to death love found so rare
Judge softly for I, like you, have sin
The line between morality grown porous and thin
To ashes and dust my mortal form go
Such is the rhythm of our ebb and flow

He started out by telling stories about his childhood
All of us crowded around him
Our mouths caught open wide with wonder
When he recited heroic tales of dragons and fire
Adolescent eyes as round as saucers
The smell of starry nights and wild fire permeated
A cabin built by his calloused hands casting shadows at sundown
Bears always came out at night
We could hear them outside of our tents foraging
He would leave them crisp apples, sharp teeth crunching
Soon our deep breaths mingled with crickets
The whole valley asleep and quiet beneath us
As we dreamt of bean talks and Grandad's guarding sword

Regardless of where my life is headed
No matter which wild path it is on
There are always voices that claw their way out
Sadness, Misery,Dripping desire, Torment, Gore...
Live inside of me
I have bubbles in my laughter
Sunshine sky ways in my smile
You'd never know from reading
That I could bake your pants off
Fix your camaro regardless it's issue
And clean your whole house all at the same time
******* operator get you off with her voice kind of love
I make no apologies
Excuses don't dwell here
****** poet with a taste for flesh
An open book with banshee hair
The desire for more and more ink endless on my fingertips

I still wake up
not remembering
Reaching for your warmth
*I always do

Woke up with fall air crisp and burning it's way
Down into the breezy interior of my summer heart
Mornings like these beg to be alone
The solitary pulse of rushing blood sets the tempo
My steps sure and quick on unforgiving asfault
Colors weave through my vision
Catching the earth in mid costume change
Feels provocative.
We are all peeping Tom's.

Seems so long ago...

       That our rings, almost dropped from your nervous hands, would have washed out into the Caribbean to be a sparkling reminder of our love at the bottom of the ocean where now only your spirit can roam.

Happy Four Years, Jeremiah.

I dance the twisted grind of twilight
As tambourine and sitar play
Heavy shadows of fog roll down off of mountain top
Firelight casting me fifteen feet high
Serpent goddess born of ash
My phoenix heart in tune with Saint Helen's expanding lungs
Primal
Crowd swells and ebbs around my writhing form
Each entranced by hip and shoulder roll
Amber eyes reflect pools of liquid gold
Sinking into the waiting palm of divinity
The scent of my arousal permeates  
I am  woman
I am  power
I am  *life

You take me so high
I taste stratosphere
Sitting coldly aloof inside these midnight lungs
The deep, heavy ache of a bad drug
Better than ***, sweeter than honey
I cannot say no to that smile
Lips curving around my lace trimmed edges
Running gets me no where
Turning away leaves me numb
I just keep coming back
*One. More. Taste.

All of us...and everything else
Is dual natured
For every positive there is a negative
Perfection of yin and yang
Yet we only praise the "good"
When in fact it is the "bad"
That we learn from
The sun warms : causes drought
The rain quenches : floods the fields
If all we had were good times
Great memories and our health
How would we know what to be thankful for?
Without disease, famine or struggle
We would not grow
No matter how much rain or sun

Sitting high on many horses
Self Rightious. Professed all knowing.
The ominous voice of our supposed deified ancestor
I am not as sullied as you think
Witch
Bold women of the devil's desire
Luring good, god fearing men from their pious marriage beds
Pointing quickly with stone fingers
From behind their fragile glass walls
The acrid taste of fire licks at my tongue
Trying in vain to block out the cries of my sisters
As their tender flesh pops and sizzles into the waiting flames
Supposedly it is to purify us
Unclean and filthy souls that we are
Yet we gave you birth
Tended your sick and cared for your wounded
Witch
A mere woman's Pagan gods set your heart a flutter
Filled your soul with the frigid winds of hell
Scared. So scared you burned and burned even when no fat for the fires was found
You always made sure there was wicked flesh to "cleanse"
Superstitious nonsense.
Your people will fear into the dawn
No amount of slaughter will stifle the haunting howl of a full moon
Nor will you ever silence the vibracious voice of magick
For we are not few but many
We are the blood of the earth

He sat in silence
Face buried in his liquid amber glass
Smoky shadows cloaked slumped shoulders
I knew that weight
It's mantle one of regret
Soaked in guilt
Did his mistake lead him here
To drown?
He swallows suddenly
Great sobs flood sore eyes
We are all tattered, scattered, trying to find our way
I edged close enough
To lay a comforting hand
Breathing in the haze of his grief
Dead weight leaned into mine
Wet shoulder, tangled hair
All he needed was to feel...something
Something more than his own chill
"You are not alone" I whisper
*None of us are

Consumed by mutation our species struggles
Dying out from exaggerated consumerism
(soft drums) When will we learn
Monsantoland economics adopted
Three headed grasshopper
A malformed genetic *******
Other intelligence, for we are known, must be confused
Amused
At our inherent stupidity
It cannot be called ignorance, see through lies
Great hulking vats of toxic slushy
Pouring into our very veins
Pollute the pipes, it all goes to hell
Handbaskets filled with frankenfruit
Our deformed future draws quickly near
I know where my tomato's been
Do you?

Dust has finally settled where only cobwebs once roamed
The inevitable step into vintage decay
With warm greetings the late afternoon sun sends shadows
Scurrying across cracked vinyl floors, smudged windows and warped doors
Silence reigns here.
Echoes of fallen drywall interrupt the stagnant patterns of neglect
Still and perfect I lay in wait beneath cold glass
My state and sleep are unforgiving
Time stretches on as the house wonders if it's sleeping beauty
will ever be found
Whispers of lost cities, buried treasure and prince charmings come and go
Still I lie in limbo, a true love's kiss to break my bonds
Twilight ascends softly
Closing off another day left to a curses desire

I don't know you
Not half as well as I used to
Your rakish smile is still the same
You still play this exhausting game

*Perhaps it is I who has really changed

Rough edges shape their calluses to my own
We bite softly at first
Tasting shadowed limitations
Deeper flavors blossom wet and dark along thirsty tongues
I need closer
To render you tearful, speechless
Peel back each layer then climb inside
Saturating my parched surface
With the dewy fabric of your subconscious mind
Ebony pupils widen into the spalunking expanse of my own
I could explore your depths for a lifetime
I would still be left wanting

Day breaks over a sleepy village
Morning absolutions completed
An excited buzz is in the air
Everyone is a buzz with cleaning
Hundreds gather wild flowers in the fertile fields
Many were in charge of raising the fires
Soon the whole town had bright blooms weaved from one end to the next
The horizon alight with smoke and power
Goddess and God rights invoked within circles round
Pulsating, rhythmic energy racing through each dancing body
Gyrating to the cosmic beat of life
Couples jump merrily together over cauldrons ablaze
High hopes rise and give way for dreams of children
Lovers round and round they twine
Maypole ribbons rainbow hued passing through hand to hand
As dusk falls the Queen is crowned
Mead flows freely through the jubilant worshippers
The moon hangs round with fullness above their heads
Lighting the way for love into the night

Day glow orange fields fuzzy my vision
Attempts at removing the blinders are met with derision
My warm finger tips reach out to entwine with your cold ones
Always the familiar taste of fire dancing along your lips
Come here. Giggling softly into the fall of hair around your face
I want you
Our eyes tangle with heated single minded purpose
My mouth aching to wrap around the hard length of your ****
Rubbing my face softly against your hipbones
Your hands bury themselves in my tresses
Moan for me, breathe in harsh and back bowed torment
This tongue only ties and slides for you
Hot jets of *** coat the back of my throat
Your labored thoughts settling in the air between us
Pull harder next time, my scalp still isn't raw
Wet dripping smooth tight heat
Desire intensifies to need, fingers plucking gently at sensitive flesh
I look to you for a happy ending
Finding you fast asleep