You took my wedding day away from me.
Even though you have forgotten about me
I have never forgotten about you.
Someone has even taken your place
And I'm torn in two
Because he was always there
When you never were.
He is the rightful owner of the title
But **** my heart
I can't bring myself to hurt you
In the same way that you have hurt me.
When I think about that special day
In the future
I feel a pain because
Although I know who deserves to walk me down the aisle
I can't imagine having you just sit off to the side
Feeling horrible because you never lived up to who you were supposed to be for me
I'm a fool
It should be easy
But every time,
Every time I think about that day
Instead of feeling joy
I just feel pain and heart ache.
So I have decided,
I won't ever have one.
It's hard to choose between the one that loves you with a fullness in their heart
Versus the one who could never love with depth even though they are blood.
You took that day from me.
I don't want to break your heart
Even though you so easily broke mine.
At the end of the day,
He is my dad through and through
But there was a time that I remembered where you were once my dad too.
Now I see
Princesses grow up
And fairy tales were never real.
You taught me that.
And you took my wedding day away from me.

I remember when I cried everyday.
In the morning,
When I woke up to bleakness
The vast nothingness that is space
and time
and people.
In the afternoon,
After hours of silence
Painful time passing tortuously slow.
In the evening,
When the people surround you
To pick at you with questions
Murdering, merciless questions.
And at night,
The epitome of alone
Fingers clinging to clean sheets
Hysterical screaming
The constant blood
Begging God
With nothing but the promise
That tomorrow will be the same.

The most beautiful flower

Within a field of growing weeds and brown leaves

It seems to take up all the light

besides all the dead and despair around it

Its petals are moist and the colors seem to change
to whatever they need to protect themselves from.

But, the blossom is too beautiful. 

Too consumingly appealing to whomever laid their eyes on it.

The sun’s rays were getting jealous and did no longer
want to shine on the pleasing leaves -
or on the strong roots or its inviting colors -
as they took away their shine and

were now filled with contempt.
Most of all the rays were jealous of what the flower could do.

Embezzle. Inspire and create. Dazzle.

It dazzled me.
The flower could not only extract happiness from its surroundings but it also gave.

It gave love. Love and comfort and happiness, friendship and enjoyment.
It gave a way for men to see through the bad and look at the good.

It tasted so sweet.



The flower fought, spurting out at some cautious moment
but it could not win

For it needed the rays gentle touch to grow and to

Exist.
Long after men spoke of the waste.

How such a beauty had perished,

And its power was no longer there to greet them like an old friend.

It was now only a myth,

One that no one really could remember

as it felt like a dimly lit memory,
one that played a yet unknown role in whatever faith there is to come.
It was not the beauty that men remembered now.

Only the waste.

As the good leaves no scars, and is scarcely treasured how it should.

But oh the waste. They spoke.
Such a waste.

I crave to touch his skin
in my mind it feels so soft
and divine
In my dreams he lies with his arms around me
the way we used to lay
His hand with
all ten of his fingers
would wrap
around my arms and my wrists and my fingers
Every small piece of him
would be with every piece of me
as to not make our bodies lonely
He’d gently push away a string of my hair
to free the skin lying underneath
as to make room for his lips to kiss all these
undiscovered places.
My hands were to explore him,
tracing my fingers along to wherever they would reach
So then when I would find myself alone
I’d be able to remember all those little places and parts that
I would eventually be terrified of forgetting
I can still recall
how my naked body would move with his
and how we were
in perfect harmony

A little green eyed monster,
it possesses me.
Manifests itself within my body.
I think you may have met him,
he's a sneaky one you see.

I tried to fight him off.
I guess I lost the battle,
because my mind fell short
and emotions took over.

He's too strong.
I need to build up the strength,
to have control of my mind,
once again.
At the end,
you did nothing wrong.

It just happens to be,
that this little monster
has overtaken me,
he goes by the name,
Mr. Jealousy