there's a dent

right here,

in the couch.


Christmas Eve.

Dear You,
I regret coming to see you on that fateful day.
You see, If I hadn't come to your place,
We wouldn't be stuck in a rut.

Dear You,
I wrote you a letter but its illegible,
You see,my tears spilled and mixed with the ink,
My shaking hand crumpled and tore the paper,
My thoughts folded in on themselves like a deflated ball.

Dear You,
Falling for you was the most painful thing I ever did.
I fell flat on my face and hurt my chest.
My heart pounded over and over,
I got the shakes like a reforming addict,
But still you wouldn't leave my system.

Dear You,
It's pretty hard to unknow someone that imprinted on you.
You are woven into my nerves, memories and thoughts.
You took me captive and I can't break free.

You destroyed me.

Dear You,
Teach me to forget you.
Unfurl your web from my every thought process.
See,I was okay without you once.
And I can learn to be without you.

You can't tell now,
And don't ask how I know
But I promise
My bones are blue.

I've not been a fish
For thousands of years,
A near past though as
Sailor and whale.

Treading stones like a quake.

We've dipped so recent, so well.
Ache rests like a sinner
With naught to do.

I'll return again, indeed.
But not till you've seen

Just as I promised,
That my bones are blue.

Somewhere in you I see the love I lost
Somewhere in you I see the love I've been aching to find
Somewhere in you I see myself happy
Free from the emotional trauma I go through everyday
A release I've been waiting for
Somewhere in you lies that touch that could make me forget
That the world exists
Where people stab each other's back just to be more comfortable
Somewhere in you I see salvation
A door into heaven where i see myself holding the hand of god
While kissing the lips of angels for eternity
Somewhere in you I see me loving you
With all my heart, caring for you
Growing old with you
Taking my last breath right next to you

Somewhere in you I see a darkness
So deep that it frightens me to explore
Somewhere in you lies the hell where I know i'll end up
Somewhere in you I see my heart destined to break again    
A painful journey that I know I'll take again
A withered tree refusing to bloom again
Somewhere in you is a knife ready to stab me
While my heart screams " no more"
Please no more
I am better off lonely
Looking at the stars and reminiscing what could've been
Somewhere in you I see a pool of tears
That I know you're gonna drown me in
While I fight for each breath,  refusing to give up
Though I might already be dead
Somewhere in you lies my deepest fear that I refuse to face
Yet every inch of me craves to be
Somewhere in you.

(Kathmandu, Nepal 9/27/13)

Door closed, windows shut
blinds drawn,
all quiet, though afternoon
seems like new moon.

Wakes that demon inside
serpents wrapped around,
bitterness, anguish
anger,f frustration
love gone bitter,
no, no, nothing is right!
Don't show me reasons
I see none, I'm okay
in my streaming tears,
why can't I shed enough
to empty this soul
to rid of these burdens?

Tears that I have shed
what do they hold?
Were they not enough?
More and more
they come, exhale grief'
grief inhale!

Ah, mirror
don't reflect this face
contoured with anguish
swollen eyes,
mouth so ugly
with silent screams!

So many calls
so many songs
yet I sit tight
howling inside
let me cry a little more
a little more!