I'm wondering why
tonight of all nights
you look as gorgeous as you do.

I'm wondering why
the minute I try and forfeit the game
you lure me right back in.

Why is it,
that on a Friday night
spent with friends and drugs and bad decisions
I refuse to make the one good decision I desire?

I struggle to see the moon for the clouds
and I struggle to see your eyes for the light
and I can't make out which is worse.
Not seeing the one thing always there to comfort me
or a chunk of rock in space.

love is absurd
and I can’t believe it
I find that love is filled with
unexpected desirous feelings that deny reason
and I let love slip through my fingers
because to love you would mean hating to let you go

i could see for miles, miles, miles
space, the vast boundless dimensions
the abyss or god’s playground
said those inhabitable planets existence are god’s creations for a certain reason
and not even yourself know what that means

drink like bukowski
write like ****
start a new job thursday
i guess this is it

It's chilly/overcast
the street is empty: wednesday 215pm
everyone is at school or at work
This is when I thrive.

No worrying what each car is thinking of me as they drive by
the urge to check the backs of my shoes in case I've stepped in something is diminished.
"Whatismyhairdoingarethesepantstootight? These pants are too tight.
Hide your cigarette so they won't see. Am i walking in a straight line?
Should i be on this side of the road or the other
There's no sidewalk I don't know.

Someone I know
Someone I ******
Will inevitably drive by
Pity me
'That's her isn't it? Why is she walking by herself in the cold?
She doesn't have a car? Pathetic. She can afford to buy
cigarettes at ten bucks a pack? Irresponsible.'"
Head held high walking down an empty street
Useless.

I feel the heat still radiating from newly-parked cars
Small and fleeting moments of relief
Akin to meeting eyes with an attractive stranger on the street
Making whatever this is
Easier to bear