This middle life,
Not here nor there,
Wanting past,
Waiting future,
Never feeling present,
Blank and unaware.

Is this what has become,
Of little burning flame,
Fiametta snuffed,
in fear and shame?

Once touched in love,
Baptized insane, yet,
Never fully formed,
But pushed away,
By the same.

Distracted now,
From the holy source,
which once was known,
Like instinct of being,
Lost now, infinite,
escaped orbit.

A child more wise
Than kings,
Goes under blanket,
Vanishing screen,
Never to appear,
Until the next,
Karma dream.

To my soul mate:

When we meet again,
I will apologize
for the countless nights
I lost faith in us
with unforgiving tears
in my ears.

I know you could not getaway
You could not spring forth
You could not let go
But you would have
if you were truly free.

I am a brat..
An emotional *******.
Maybe it's best if
We don't meet again.

I'm afraid you'd hate me
If you found out the truth
That I am more like
a daughter than a lover.

but then,
when I think about
seeing your face
all lit up in the sun
the wind swirling around us
like in that dream
Then
I am sure it would be worth it
and you would love me
despite who I am.

So when we meet again
just know I'll be very
happy to see you,
To feel you
and to kiss you.

I've been homeless
All my life
because I know
you are my true home.

when we meet again
it will be our first meeting
in this lifetime.
And I know it will
be the right thing.

Sometimes
people say one thing
And their face
tells you something
very much different.

That's why I react.
It's your face.

But you had a stroke
and now it's like I
have to re-learn
What your face is saying.

I'm in the dark
When knowing what
to do to make you happy.

It's scarey.
You seem
a million miles away.

You no longer joke with your eyes.

Please don't leave.
Don't float off.
You're slowly
floating away from
This little life-raft
We have constructed
together.

I feel guilty
for the feeling I have
the you're leaving me behind.
Because i know it's really a natural thing:
We were born into this world alone and we leave it alone.

I wonder where we go
after this life..
This strange strange life.

Into the abyss
Are hopes and dreams
Shattered, wasted and confused
Caught in a net are my messes
Filled with self-pity, battered and bewildered
Constantly falling into nothingness
Falling steadily into the abyss
I close my eyes
Dismayed and betrayed, I prayed
And heard a voice say
Do you know your worth?
I understand you are hurt
And you have made mistakes
You made poor choices
And caught tough breaks
But if you believe in me and have faith
The size of a mustard seed
I guarantee you will succeed
You were created for more than what you choose
I was beat and bruised for iniquities
The blood still saves if you stick with me
Your latter shall be greater…2012

So I pulled myself together
And planted my feet
Straightened my shoulders
And begin to release
All the pain and the strain of previous years
All the anxiety, heartache and shitload of tears
No longer moved by chatter
And no longer hexed
No longer does it matter
Soul no longer vexed
In fact I am blessed beyond measure
Climbed out of the abyss to find life’s treasures2014