You'll always be my favorite heartbreak

It won't ever make sense
Why broken people
Try to fix broken people
But end up breaking them even more

"You're too young to think he's the only one who can make you happy"

But he's not the only one who makes me happy

He's the only one who makes me want to be happy

And without that, I'm miserable

You can say something so much for as long as you want
But your actions will always speak louder than your voice

Once I realized this,
I understood you really weren't as important to me as I thought

You said all the right things
We planned out our future
But it all seemed to vanish
With time and distance

You could have meant it all
But time changed our paths
And I moved on despite the pain of heartbreak

And through my journey
I found him

He put my dreams into action
He didn't even need the words

Now my dreams have come true
I'm doing all the things I've wanted to
He has become my life

You were just words
Over a screen
And letters on a paper

We dreamed of eternity together
But the hourglass ran out of sand

And sometimes,
That's what needs to happen
To make you understand what's right

I've imagined my life with you
And how lovely it would be

But you're too far away
And you're not who I need to be with

Maybe time will change things
Time reveals

But as of now,
I hear him louder and more clear than I ever heard you
He whispers through his touch
You screamed through a screen

Another night
sneaking through the window
In the early morning hours
Same **** different night
A different boy almost every night
But what stays the same
Is that I'm always pretending he's
You

Now I'm scared to be alone
Once again I can only live with him by my side

Without him I'm just as I was before he was here
A broken mess
Pieces scattered

But I can't hold him back
I can't depend on him

So should I detach?
Or cling longer
Until he let's go

I think the hardest part
Was being awakened in the early morning hours
By dreams of you walking away

And with tears in my eyes
Reaching to the right of my bed

And your body being absent

One day
All the glory will be mine

It's just a matter of time
Until I get to say "I told you so"

The concept of forever doesn't register
It never will

Temporary is all it is
And so am I

So when you leave

I told you so

He made me hate myself even more than I already did
If he knew how much power he had I bet he could **** me
And right when I thought I could breathe again I was plunged back into the water where I was left to sink but expected to swim
Its easy to think its all an overreaction
Maybe even an obsession
But I can't help but think of you everytime the sun shines
But also when its raining
Days were always so gloomy
But that's how you liked it
There's never been a purer soul to walk this earth
Yet also the most evil demonic human who put my heart on full blast
And then shut it down
Singing was always too cliche
Poems were all the same
But you loved when I'd play the piano
And hated when I'd cry
Most the time you were the reason behind it
You were the cause of my greatest dowfall
And weren't there to pick me up
You'd always sit with a cigarette in your mouth
And a distant look in your eyes
I remember when nights were cold and you'd steal the covers
And when I was almost drunk and you drank the rest of the jack
I was always left high and dry
You were always wanting to be left alone
Love was always blooming
You decided to step on the flowers
And when the stars were out and I'd look out the window you'd close the blinds and turn off the lights
And The time comes when you realize what's good and what's bad
You finally understand why happiness has not reached you yet
And when its time to say goodbye
Its also time to say hello
Time will pass by
your time will come

He doesn't love me like he says he does
He doesn't do what he did with her
With me

Where the affection? The love? The emotions?
He can't show anything to me.

But with her, it was different,
I watched from afar,
Their smiles were priceless,
They looked so in love
Meant to be

He would touch her and love her
Play with her like a child
And it seems with him and me right now
I can't even make him smile

But with her he was happy
Until she broke his heart

So with me, he is here,
Trying to mend his broken heart.

Filling a void that was empty
The second that she left
He is looking for someone to save him
But to him, she was the best.

I cannot sleep, I cannot breathe
Without thinking of them together
It breaks my heart, because I love him so,
I can't feel like this forever.

He tells me all the time
He's over her for good
But one day, I know, she'll come back around
And he'll fall for her once again,
And I'll be here broken on the ground.

Maybe I shouldn't worry,
Maybe he really does love me,
But I know a broken heart doesn't get fixed,
In his heart
She'll always be.

For some strange reason
Underneath my hard outer layer
Deep down in my core
I ache to feel
The thing called
Love
A mere emotion
That blinds you from reality
A mind altering
drug
Give me it
I crave it
I need it
Before my body begins to crumble
Before my breath begins to fade
Before my blood runs dry

Before its too late
Before my heart turns cold
Before I'm too numb
to truly
feel

I'm so in love with him

That is, until he breaks my heart

And even after that,

I know I'll never be able to let him go

I take this love too serious

Something I've never done before

And the biggest mistake we all make

Is locking up, enclosing, attempting to keep ahold of what we love, trying to keep it forever

We're selfish, we want it to ourselves, no one else can touch, no one else can have, no one else can love them as much as we do,

But in the words of stephen king

Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright

And the same concept goes for people too

The ones who gleam, and shine with light

You cant hold that back, you cannot possess them

Even though your heart won't ever let them go if they decide to

Sometimes that's just the way it is

I guess no one can be yours forever

I'd like him to be my forever

But we all know forever doesn't last

And he shines to bright to be kept within the darkness of my heart

to whoever is now holding his hand, with your fingers intertwined with his, maybe fitting together perfectly
like puzzle pieces, maybe you were the missing piece, so stay where you belong.
to whoever is now lost in his eyes, so far gone, so far away, in a place bigger than the sky, don't blink because you don't want to miss the twinkling stars
to whoever is now kissing his lips, creating sparks and feeling high, you are tasting something far sweeter than sugar, don't ever pull away don't ever remove your lips from his, you'll be left with a bitterness and crave the flavor of his tongue
to whoever is now making him laugh, you are hearing the music of an angel, stay speechless don't say a word, just soak in the sound of happiness and continue to make him smile
to whoever is now his world,
please,
just never stop spinning, keep him dizzy, and never let him go.

Don't bother talking
Or writing
Someone's already said it all

Words are useless
And so are you

It all vanishes
Before your blood shot eyes

He came off having a tough exterior
As most men do,
And when I traced my finger tips
Along his back,
I could feel him shaking.
He is numb.
& I'm here to make him feel.
Maybe he will like the way affection feels.
Maybe he will like the way I say his name.

I say, "tell me something"
He seemed uneasy.
So I touched his hand softly  
And he glanced into my eyes
& he spoke of his demons that haunt him,
And the secrets burried deep inside
His frozen heart.
I just sit & listen.

He spoke of the past;
All the betrayale of trust
And broken promises.

These are all familar things to me
I know dissapointment & lost trust
Like the back of my hand,
But I say not a word,
My ears do the talking.

"You deserve better"
I tell him,
He knows that.
But you can tell he doesn't exactly
Believe it.

But I could feel him becoming less cold.
The emptiness he had
Is now being filled,
So I continue to touch him,
Until he's completely filled up,
Emptiness is a waste of space.

Oh, how he craves love.

So we give ourselves to eachother
Skin on skin
The most expressive, in depth
Way to say
1000 words lined with 1000 emotions
Without even opening your mouth.


We lie together,
And drift off into the dream land,
And I rest my head on his chest
And feel the beating of his heart.

I hope he wasn't expecting
To awaken next to me in the morning,

Because I won't be there.

I'm off,
Onto the next,

Still searching for the man
Who will fill me up
Who will melt the ice of my heart
Who will make me feel
Who will give me love
Who will listen

& Who will be by my side

Even when the sun rises.

This is the kind of love that hurts
It hurts when I look at you
This ache in my chest
The thought in my head swimming around reminding me that nothing this good can last forever

& the amount of time spent with you
The memories the unexplainable moments
There will never be enough words
Or the right words to even come close to describing the way I feel about you
God, even the bad days are good
Because of you

& I have pictured a life without you
& a baby without your eyes
I can't imagine waking up next to anyone other than you

& I think you saved my life by being here,

So please don't ever leave

she's young
but shes been through it all
witnessed heartbreak
before her heart was completely sown

she was let down
before she could fly
she didnt even live yet
but was already left to die

she is misunderstood
no one truly gets her
its like she is possessed with a disease
that has yet to have a cure

she shines like the sun
but she feels left in the darkness
she gets treated unfair
people are so heartless

she has much anger
burried deep down
but on the girls face youll never see a frown
she is a princess,
she's just missing her crown.

she has never been given what she truly deserves
people are just so irritable
and say she gets on their nerves

but she does not do a thing wrong
she just tries to live
just tries to sing her song

no one gives her the time of day
while she's in the middle of speaking
it seems as though everyone walks away
no one gives her the time of day
even though she has so much to say

There's no such thing as heaven
When we die, that is not where we're going

But with the idea of it in my head
Heaven seems to be right here
Right now

With you by my side

You say you're so unhappy, being brought down and you don't want to bring me down too

But bring me down baby too

Just as long as I'm with you

"Think happy thoughts"
I say to myself as I close my eyes
Trying to drift off into a peaceful sleep

Anxiety is crippling my body
I'm shaking uncontrolably
I try to breathe,
But I haven't been able to properly
Ever since you've been gone

"Happy thoughts"
So my mind wanders off
Every scenery,
Every landscape,
Every place,

I see your face.

The days of my youth are being wasted

Spent with a man who will someday become
just
a

memory

I don't think she will ever over come
The hatred she has aimed solemnly towards
One person and one person only

She believes hate is too heavy to carry
Yet she drags it along
And throws it over her shoulder
And it gets heavier each time she
Looks into the mirror

She sees the beauty in
Everyone and everything
Except in her own soul

She knows beauty is within
But her heart is black
Just like the makeup on her eyes

What's on the outside
Doesn't please her
She can't stand to see the skin on her face
Without makeup layered on

Even then
She still is a disgrace

I'll never forget the nights of unfamilar feelings of heartbreak,
I was so young & hurt
3am I'd call you
You came & sat on my porch with me while it poured down rain
I cried
But you made me smile
I should have known then,
You were always there

There were days when I'd come home
And just as I've always known,
My mother would be breaking her teeth on ***** bottles
Lying on the floor
I'd call you
We'd go for a ride
Suddenly, everything was alright
I should have known then,
You were always there

That was just the beginning
You were my best friend,
And now I'm in love with you
I should have known then,
You were always there,
You were always the one

I don't want to get high
I don't want to feel low
I don't want to feel pain
I don't want to feel nothing at all

I don't want to love jesus
I don't want to hate the devil
I don't want nothing at all
I don't want to know forever

I don't want to be a coward
I don't want to be brave
I don't want to fit in
I don't want to be strange

I don't want to die young
I don't want to live forever
I don't want to be normal
I don't want to be severed

I don't want the sunshine
I don't want to feel the rain
I don't want happiness
I don't want pain

I don't want to be with you
I don't want to be without you
I don't want to laugh
I don't want to sing the blues

I don't want you to cry
I don't want you to smile
I don't want you to forget about me
I don't want you to ask "why"

I was drunk
And I knew I needed to tell you
So I choked on the words I promised I'd never say again
"I'm in love with you"

You questioned it
And blamed it on the whiskey
And you asked me
"Do you still think about him?"

You didn't need to say his name
I knew exactly who you were talking about
But in all entirety
I never thought of him once

You smiled
And I did too
You were happy I was in love with you
And I was happy I no longer loved him

I can imagine waking up next to an empty spot in my bed where the pillow is stained with your scent
Where the sheets are coming off  
And the blanket alone just doesn't seem to keep me warm anymore

A carpet that is pink where clumps of mud from your work boots have been crushed into it
And where your wardrobe used to be scattered

The boxes with your things
Now empty
The stand with your tv and games
Gone
Empty packs of cigarettes and jack bottles where the last stain of your lips remain will be the only thing left of you

The pictures
no more than memories

Memories fade

Just like I imagine we will

He never asked me to write about him,
That's why I do.
He never expected much from me,
But he did hate
When I didn't say goodnight
Before I went to sleep.
& I hated how I couldn't find
A **** thing
to hate about him.

I do  hate
that I don't
hate him.
I do hate
That he
Didn't say goodbye that night,
Before he decided to leave,

& I don't even think I said goodnight to him
that night
Before I went to sleep

He always seemed to remind me
Of my favorite color

Oh how I dream
Of our skin colliding
And our souls connecting


Make me feel love

Are you really in love

If you still cry yourself to sleep?

He's the reason I'm crying myself to sleep tonight
But he's also the reason the sun will shine tomorrow

He breaks me down,
But he's always there to pick up all of me again & again

I told him to call me when he cares

So

I'm still sitting here, with my phone volume

Turned all the way up

But I'm left in silence

Addiction is real
I've witnessed it all my life
Its swimming within my family's blood
Most get addicted to a substance
Such as alcohol or h

I was too smart to ever fall for addictive drugs
Since I've seen all the damage they do

But everyone is ****** up
Everyone has issues
Everyone has something they're
Strung out over

Mine happens to be you

The first person I fell in love with
I don't love him anymore
But our love was real
And it burned through
But I don't love him anymore
I love you

"lose me"
he said
the last words he'd ever speak to me

but i'm already lost within him

and now i'm lost without him

I can no longer bear to see you within my dreams

So instead I'll stay awake until the morning sun arises and I see the light peeking through my window

Then again,
I find myself all through the night
Writing songs
pretending they're not about you

It doesn't matter what I do though
That's the thing

Awake or asleep

What's on my mind
Is still always you

"I love you;


    But I love her too"

"Doubt everything. Find your own light."
So I shut out the whole world
Believed not a single word a soul told me
And I found you to be my
Source of sunlight

My mind is diminishing
My body is collapsing
Over nothing but a mere thought

Each night I dream he leaves me
And runs back to her
I awaken in tears and sweat

He's right there by my side
When I awake from these horrid nightmares
Surprised;
I always am.

I'm waiting for the day he packs up and leaves
His "I love you" 's must be a lie

Every song that he plays
Sings of heartbreak
Surely they remind him of
Her

So I'll look out my window
And play the blues
Its just a matter of time
Before I'm gone too

Looking in the mirror today
And my sunken dreadful eyes
Now were beaming with light and grace
The strange feeling of not being alone hit me out of nowhere
And now I am completely safe
The demons I saw
They turned into angels
And even on the coldest nights
I feel warmth
I was locked in a cage of hatred and lust
Now I am set free able to fly
Even with my damaged wings

I'm so glad it's you

All along it was you

I hope it's always you

Emptiness

Or full of pain

I'm not sure which one is worse

Sometimes I think I'm crazy imagining your hands that are on my body
Once on her's too

Maybe I'll just never get over the past
& maybe you won't ever love me like you loved her

Still depressed
Still a mess
Still a girl with broken pieces

But you're working on me
You're trying to love me

And that's all I could ever need

I thought I needed you
Like how i need my morning cigarette

But the thing is,
I'm not really addicted

I find the selfish people to be very interesting
Living to please only themselves

Maybe,
that sounds nice

Because here I am
Living to make everyone else happy
And I'm nothing but a miserable mess

I'm always writing about the past
All the things that went wrong
All the things I could have done
Maybe that's why nothing has lasted
That's why I'm taking the time
To write about right now
This very moment
And the way I feel about you
So one day when its all in the past
I'll be able to read it
Instead of cry about it
I'll remember the times
In which great joy accompanied me
And when pain seemed to flutter away
I feel safe
I feel a little less useless
I feel the sun shining
I feel the moon beams
I feel that life is much better
Outside of my sleep
It was an abrupt change that I never got used to
But I didn't have to
Because the second I felt less lonely
Was the second my eyes began to open
No more long nights with men who don't care
Who's names I'll forget in the morning
No more empty beds
No more tears shed
But if they fall down my face
I know you're here to dry them
Oh how nice it feels to have you lying next to me
And to awaken to your face everyday
And when love is made between us
The passion is so strong
I could cry
Who knows if we're in love
Love is not my thing
And neither is it yours
But I can't help but fall
Everytime you make me laugh
All the things that we've done
All the places that we've been
Its just the beginning
Of my wildest dream
I'm not promising forever
And neither are you
Tomorrow is a million miles away
So right now I'm fine soaking in the happiness you've brought to me
Even if tomorrow you're gone

Its a hot summer
But my heart is still cold
I always wanted a lover
Or maybe just someone to hold

I could live in the sunshine
And still be freezing
I've heard every line
None of the words have meaning

But on my darkest nights
You were always right here
You'd spark a fire for light
And open up a beer

We'd talk all night
We'd get drunk on eachother
I was no longer in fright
I was no longer troubled

Its like the calm after the rain
Or the smell of the sea
You got rid of my pain
And set me at ease

Maybe you'll be gone tomorrow
But you're here today
You lessend all my sorrows
So I hope that maybe you'll stay

Even on my bad days,

I'm still better than you'll ever be


*****.