This was a year of twists and turns
Icing the wounds from earlier burns
As the year didn’t start of that well
But it turned around, a story I will tell
I met a special girl that I love very much
I get happy whenever we get in touch
Although she lives a thousand miles away
There is a place in my heart she can stay
Overall this year has been very promising
Hopefully next year doesn’t start with a sting

I can’t believe tomorrow’s that day
Where we kind of went our own way
But that will always be one important day
On that special 22nd day of May

I don’t know how I could move on
My mind will always think of you all day
It will be like life without the Sun
No light or warmth, like a dark, cold bay

My mind just wouldn’t be able to think
Because I’ll feel so gloomy and blue
My life will crash into rocks and sink
All because I will lose the one and only you

I don’t think anyone can take your place
My life will be forever dark and hollow
A distant look pasted on my expressionless face
With no one to trust anymore or to follow

You can't just assume it's alright
You must be positive at all times
It's better to know than assume
Everything can easily go wrong
I think about it every single night
I try to think inside the faint lines
I sit every night in my dark room
Wondering where time has gone
I still worry every night about you
I know that you don't do the same
You get rid of everything about me
Just forgetting the fact that I'm here
I miss you a whole lot and that's true
You probably forgot my simple name
You're living happily, alone and free
While I'm here alone with no one near

I remember it all clear as day
Every simple date we shared
You had to just push it all away
Like you no longer even cared
You left my life a long time ago
It was before when you will think
I just kept on going with the flow
As it crept nearing to the brink
You've been now for a long while
I still have all dates in my memory
Leaving me down and in denial
From the start until you left me
You're already gone in my life
But you still live in me somehow
You pushed me through strife
But that's far behind us all now
I wonder why I still think about you
Or why I still worry about you being
You seem to no longer have meaning
Other than that one girl I once knew

I want to hold your hand
Take a stroll through the park
Talk late at night in the dark
About the ideas we recommend
See a popular new movie with you
It doesn't matter what kind
As long as you’re happy, I don’t mind
If it’s a classic or brand new
Simply just eat a delicate dinner
Talk about our futuristic life
Not worrying about pain and strife
Forgetting the pain of what we were
Sit on a bridge with a magnificent view
Smiling and enjoying our alone time
As we look into the distance at the horizon
To keep me happy is to just be with you
Catch up on our lives together as one
I want see you full of excitement
When I tell you one certain statement
That I love you a whole lot more than a ton

People see me as a bright person
Well, sometimes they see that side
Others they see and hear depression
Because from them I don't need to hide
I only can create artificial happiness
My life is like a kind of kids' fruity cereal
It's exciting but can contain dullness
Even though my life can be surreal
My happiness is dull and quite bland
It's basic and can not be made naturally
I need help from a kind and gentle hand
To drag me out of this darkened valley
It has been a while since It has been true
Where my happiness came naturally to me
I thought it would flourish as it grew and grew
But then it found it's enemy and set itself free

Here I was a year ago from today
I was a free soul always out and about
Energetic and proud in every way
Seemed like I was headed to a great route
Always like a silly child on the inside
But a serene appearance masked my face
Feeling like life was an easy and free ride
But I was wrong, and it’s flying by like a race
But here I am now, still the same appearance
Serene and tranquil still is as I appear
But the old feeling on the inside is a disappearance
But on the inside, I’m full of despair and fear
For I know I will not be the same a year from now
But hopefully I don’t look worse next year and ask, “How?”

It's not a word I really use often
Especially calling someone beautiful
Sure I think some girls are attractive
But to be beautiful is different in my eyes
Some people think it's to talk about looks
I say it's mainly personality and looks
To be beautiful in my eyes is difficult
I have only told one girl she's beautiful
And it's because it was the absolute truth
I have called other girls pretty recently
But I haven't said they're beautiful
And it's nothing against them, honestly
I just say one much have great personality
And a great amount of self confident
Along with this thing called beauty
In order to be called beautiful in my mind
Will I call someone else beautiful again?
Most likely, just when the time is right
And when I find the right person to say
"Hey, you are an absolutely beautiful person"
"And don't change a single thing about yourself"
It will happen sometime, maybe not today
But eventually I'll say she's beautiful

The lavish red of amaryllis
To the dullness of a full fern
Nature is full of true beauty
Letting others have their turn
The smooth blue of hydrangea
No match for the sweet carnation
Full bloom excites the active mind
Much more that a grand vacation
The daffodil's eye popping structure
Is unlike the chrysanthemum spray
Pointed edges point in new directions
For you to be able to follow every day
The orchid with it's numerous variations
Can not be tamed by the colorful tulip
The stem of the orchid shows a long life
Full of tranquility only at a tequila's sip
Enjoy the beautiful flowers around you
Everyday, you will see something new
You may see rarities seem by just a few
And you'll see something you never knew

It's been a while since we talked
So we aren't up to date anymore
Chances for communication blocked
Opportunities quickly out the door
We used to talk every day of the year
But now it's a rarity for that to occur
Every passing day brings pain and fear
As I think about you and worry even more
I wish that someday soon we'll talk again
And it will hopefully end this pouring rain

It was on a Thursday night
I had school the next day
It was during winter break
And I was up late at night
I was playing video games
I still remember everything
I was playing survival mode
On a map called resistance
I was on round seven or so
In the back corner of the map
You sent me numerous texts
Then I had paused my game
We saw it was getting tough
And then you called it quits
It truly was very tough at first
We still talked and it got better
Then one random day it stopped
March 17, you stopped responding
I continued to try to talk to you
But you just never responded
I sent hundreds of messages
With not one since that one day
Not one response since then
Even through all that I had done
I had numerous sleepless nights
Comforting you until you slept
I put your safety before my own
Even after we both broke up
It meant nothing to you though
I'm just a lost cause in the past
Nothing important in your life
To you, forgotten memories
To me, just distant memories

I don't know what to do anymore
I can't make a simple decision easy
I'm clueless deep down in my core
My view in this world is quite hazy
I don't know which direction is right
I don't know which direction is wrong
I can never find the ever glowing light
I hear nothing but the fading of a song
This song pointing me somewhere near
Someone near where in supposed to be
I don't follow because of what I now fear
I fear there is no more happiness in me
I don't want to go through any more pain
My heart is currently torn without repair
It's not a simple fix as if it were a strain
Nothing can fix it unless love is there
But love to me is nowhere to be found
I have to yet decide what sign to follow
I choose which way by a distinct sound
Hoping it can fix my heart which is hollow

The cruel, heartless disease
That kills humans with ease
Pain and death, a horrid mix
Yet something we try not to fix
Taking away all young and old
Future stories unable to be told
Their life taken at a blink of an eye
Leaving loved ones in the cold to cry
This silent killer will be hard to stop
Until all it's victims surrender and drop
This beast must reach it's ultimate fate
Hopefully at a sooner than later date

It's almost 2 in the morning
Still awake and heavily yawning
I can't seem to drift into a sleep
I'm thinking of you, I begin to weep
At first a small tear drips down my face
And soon many more follow at pace
My body is weary but not allowing rest
As I try hard to rest, at my very best
I fail for now at getting this needed break
Soon, my body will break and will gladly take
That sleep that won't come upon me at this time
As if sleeping in these emotions, is a forbidden crime

Even though we rarely talk at school
We talk like best friends away from it
We always mess with each other daily
But it is usually me that's the culprit
Both of us have had a tough year
And now we try to forget the past
We rant to each other very often
We know that it won't be the last
To be honest, I think that you're pretty
I honestly think that you're not rude
I think that you are truly a sweet girl
Unless you're involved in a tight feud
Don't let other get you in the dumps
People do that to bring them back out
Ignore them and you'll be out on your own
And who knows, some guy may come out
He may come and help pull you free
Like superman to take away your heart
And not let it be ruined by anyone else
No matter what, even if it all fell apart
That's all I got to write to you right now
Now go to sleep if you haven't you meanie

Everyone tends to have a fall
Every once in a while nowadays
Everyone hits that invisible wall
Every once in a while it stays
I will be here to catch you always
No matter what anyone else says
I will be here to hold you up tall
No matter what anyone else saw

Why did everything have to change
Whenever you got out of my range
Why did life take an unexpected turn
When I will continue to fail to learn
I wish life was the same as it once was
My dull life finally in the constant buzz
I was known for once in my loneliness
Now it is just total and complete darkness
I wish nothing changed the way it did
I wish to not grow up and remain a kid
Young and not much to even worry about
Only getting yelled at for when I will pout
I wish that you didn't have to stay away
This pain lurks around and seems to stay
And I wish to see you in person once more
Then my confidence and hope may soar
Now, I'm hopeless and in constant denial
On how I couldn't make your time worthwhile
Now I hope that you're happy over there
While I'm struggling to find half of my pair

A wise man in our past once said
That change is what makes life
We'll all eventually end up dead
And live together in our afterlife
Change is needed to keep living
Change gives life an endless flow
Things go south, in you're giving
Keep your head up, don't sink below
Live life the way it's intended to be
Not by having it perfect the whole way
You need rises and falls to remain free
In the perfect life, everyday is a new day

It will be alright there
Just cheer up buttercup
I know these scars hurt
Bringing back memories
But the past makes you
Becomes who you are now
Without it, you are nothing
And to someone here today
You are their everything
Just remember that
You are now confused
No knowing what to do
In an unnatural situation
Thinking about someone
But just go with the flow
If he likes you, then he does
If not, it's not the end of the world
There are plenty of fish in the sea
You find the right guy eventually
Just keep your chin high buttercup
Put that smile back on your face
Prove that you are proud of yourself
You don't let the past hold you back
Don't let others take you down
If he doesn't like you, it's okay
You're still beautiful to someone
And just remember to be happy
And just stay yourself

I feel like a pawn in this nasty game of chess
Always forced going into some sort of mess
All my important decisions are made by others
And it's seems there's no one that even bothers
I am the first to face a conflict in all my peers
And it only seems to intensify over these years
People use me so they can benefit and gain
Leaving me alone and in a great deal of pain
I wish to leave this chess game of endless hell
But it's hard to leave with how far I already fell
I just wish to break free of the kings unholy grip
Just so I can leave the path of his unruly whip

Playing hide and seek until it got dark
Going every weekend to a local park
Keeping and cleaning a pet rock
Having a bedtime around 9 o'clock
These were always the good old days
Piling unhealthy food on lunch trays
Tag and army men was not just a game
It brought those champions internal fame
Why do we all have to grow into adults
Why can't we have nothing be our faults
I do not even want to grow up anymore
I wish to not see what is behind the door

To be totally honest
I really am clueless
I may seem modest
Inside I'm speechless
I don't know how I feel
Don't know when to do
Don't know what is real
Then all thoughts go to you
I'm clueless overall on life
I'm stuck in the ocean blue
Filled with agony and strife
I don't know the near future
I'm clueless on the current day
This is pure, self created torture
That I can't stop in a known way

Every girl that wanders into my life
Is facing their her own different strife
No matter how they are in distress
I treat them like a special princess
I do my best to be compassionate
Be better continuously since we met
I put forth her emotions before mine
Then go to mine when hers are behind
However I feel like a tattered rag-doll
Used until it faces it's disastrous fall
I am constantly loved then thrown away
Not to be important anymore on any day
I'm like a brand new rechargeable battery
Used once and then dropped like gravity
I am using up energy and forgotten about
Then when it is gone, I am a pile of doubt
I treat others the way I would like to live
I serve others and give all I have to give
Yet I am still worthless after a short while
Which leaves me alone, tattered, in denial

I live through every lonely day
Always thinking about my past
I think about what else to say
Until those words are my last
No longer involved in your life
But you always appear in mine
Consistent struggles and strife
Kept my reality senses in a line
I tend to always brew a memory
Like the day we became a thing
When we met, when you left me
Seems to always rip away a wing
All I want to do is fly far far away
Leave all these memories behind
They constantly appear everyday
Making happiness harder to find

Through the entirety of the day
I dream randomly about things
Sometimes they're great or grey
It can be death or a bird that sings
I dream during the day quite often
As I have new ideas pop into mind
I often will resist the urge to listen
As I wish to leave something behind
I day dream about a girl I once knew
Her luscious hair flowing in the wind
And her big brown eyes staring at me
I think these are real and will never end
But my feelings are propped onto a tee
I just want to cry whenever I think of her
How she impacted my life so greatly then
But she's happier now than we ever were
I'm stuck day dreaming about her now
I wish I could ease this agonizing pain
Now, there is surely nothing left to gain
These feelings were quite easy to obtain
But now I can't lose them as I go insane

I know it has been a long while
Since we talked and saw each other
Sometimes I talk my phone and dial
But not hit send because I don’t bother
It now has been over a week without contact
And I’m really beginning to worry at this moment
I want to go see you; I just need to get packed
I just can’t live on with this horrendous torment  
I really want to tell you the whole truth
But now I’m sure it’s already too late
We’re still young and in our youth
And I will say these days have been great
I shall first say I really like you still to this day
You are still beautiful to my each gentle eye
Ever since that one day in the month of May
I always want to comfort you when you cry
I want to be there to make you laugh
Lay together late at night on an open field
Create adorable hearts together with two halves
But our life is moving too fast, no time to yield
I still wish we were together at this very time
But there is a fate that you shall soon face
And without you, my life will be like a **** lime
I can’t imagine living without you in this place
For now, I shall not share this with thee
Because I fear it may bring you sadness and fear
However in the future I may share with your family
To show them my care for you my dear
Until the day we shall meet again in the future
Sincerely, your Polish Buddy and best friend, Brett

There is a haunting whisper
Every so often in my dreams
Each night getting crisper
All the same by all means
An old friend falling in my arms
A relative lying on the ground
The sounds of sirens and alarms
Showing signs of death are found
Sounds of gunfire in the distance
Screaming children cry for parents
Seeing they're creating a resistance
They hide behind the last defenses
Peace flows through the old city
No signs of life in the end remain
The town ends rough and gritty
The new ghost town is full if pain

I have quite a lot to overcome
Many decisions must be made
Quick and quiet like a faint hum
Few with some prices to be paid
Deciding if I should give you a visit
Deciding if I should ask someone out
Each could carry a consequential hit
In could also benefit without a doubt
I know both can course some harm
One can be a last time to see someone
The other could easily set off an alarm
I with that both could be easily done
I'm not sure what to do in this mayhem
But time can be running short with each
I know I but be quick with both of them
Both ******* the life out of me like a leech
I must decide what's best for us everyone
But if I don't think soon, it'll all be gone

I'm not the same anymore
I'm different in every way
The old me is out the door
Not coming back another day
I'm not the person I used to be
I'm always changing each week
I was full of joy and always free
Now I'm alone and feel like a freak
I do not like who I am at this time
I hate seeing myself in my mirror
Feels like I committed a federal crime
As I think who I was and about her
My mind is swirling round and round
It won't stand still and I easily get lost
I will search for my old self until it's found
I don't mind a sacrifice or an unwanted cost
I wish to not be in this state full of fear
But it won't change now that the end is near

Does it even matter anymore?
Us together is now out the door
All communication has stopped
This mess can not be mopped
You've moved on and I have not
You just left me out here to rot
You seem to really not even care
As I slowly tear out my own hair
I'm in pain and regret at this time
I'm in despair and your just fine
Why do I always seem to worry?
With moving on, you're in a hurry
I'm sinking in this endless quicksand
I hope to reach out and find a hand
There is no help nearby to be found
As I'm suffocated under the ground
I'm now defeated by my own heart
As I'm slowly getting ripped apart
Now nothing seems to matter to you
You've even forgotten friends here too
You're focused on life away from here
But I still feel the presence of you near
But it doesn't matter anymore, right?
It's time to end it all and end this fight
I'm saying goodbye now when possible
Maybe after all this pain, I'll be invincible

I don't think it's clear to you
I don't even know if I exist
It now has been eight months
Since we both have last talked
I don't think you remember me
I seem to no longer exist to you
Sixteen months ago it all began
Now it is like it never happened
It would be great to talk to you
You do seem to be happier now
But it's not the same over here
If you wish not to talk, that's fine
It would be great if you did though
My number will be where you see it
And you can contact me whenever
Goodbye now, you know who you are
You lived near, but now you're too far
So I would love to talk to you once more
To fill the emptiness in my cold core

This is the third version
I do this every single year
To check how I progress
In my idealistic dream girl
Long and a dark brown hair
That blows freely in the wind
A bright and gorgeous smile
That enlightens those around
Shorter than me preferably
Only taller than me in two instances
When she is wearing high heels
Or when I'm down on one knee
A great personality like no other
One that anyone will wish to posses
And lastly, she must accept me
Accepting me for who I am is key
That is my dream girl, perfect in my eyes
I found one person that fits all qualities
But she isn't a strong presence in my life
So I am out looking for my dream girl

Luscious long dark brown hair
Blonde is not preferred there
Big brown eyes, peer in my soul
Shorter fit build is much preferred

However, looks aren't all to me
Kind at heart, touching personality
A cute laugh that I never get sick of
Magical smile to enlighten my world

She must be trustworthy with all I say
Respect each others decisions everyday
If I find this girl, my life will be complete
However, it'll be difficult in this huge world

A sweet and tender smile
Crisp and beautiful eyes
Luscious long brown hair
A simple and petite frame
Making my time worth while
Beauty even when she cries  
Wishing she was always there
Forever and always my claim
A laugh that enlightens my life
On my mind day in and day out
Talking all that we possibly can
Staying up late to discuss our day
She pulls me out of everyday strife
There anytime I give her a shout
Never leaving me for another man
I promise never to harm her in any way
I wish now to find the girl of my dreams
I will find her somehow by any means
She will make my life seem complete
And I wish to not face more bitter defeat

I feel like life is a giant ride
A roller-coaster of mystery
No place to run or to hide
Past is gone now history
Once in line, no returning
You now are strapped in
Your stomach churning
Shoulders in a tight pin
Just like your emotions
Changing automatically
No remedy or a potion
To cure this lone bully
Sad and happy all day
Not knowing the change
Knowing in a distinct way
It's now in a different range
Can't control the machine
But you can control you
In a world of bright green
I only see a brownish hue
I want to get off this ride
I want to run as far possible
Before it gets close to my side
Leave behind all chaos and rubble

The many emotions I feel right now is insanity
It is too much to be able to contain inside oneself
Especially for such an inexperienced youngster like me
As these emotions make this life extremely tough
The sadness enveloped in me is starting to escape
It’s slowly breaking through, creating havoc on life
I don’t know how much more I can possibly take
Until these emotions cut my life apart like a knife

I wish you could purchase a life
And recycle your old living Hell
Chop it up with the blade of a knife
And stow away all evidence aside
I am only at a very young age
And have faced numerous hardships
I still seem unable to turn the page
To the next step of my painful story
It is not yet midnight as of this moment
And I usually remain awake for hours more
I can no longer face this constant torment
I wish to sleep earlier than normal today
I wish to end all the pain as soon as I can
But I know it will not be worth it in the end
I will end life much happier than it began
And I will be happy before my eternal sleep

As the time continues to stretch
I find myself fading further away
Creating a new me, an evil wretch
Never returning back another day
I have nothing to peer forward at
Nothing but memories left behind
Future wiped away at the door mat
Not able to look back and rewind
Slowly fading away from the source
I want to fight against no resistance
But I'm letting life finish it's course
Cause what's killing me is this distance
I'm fading away from all my close peers
They don't seem to notice at the moment
But soon after many of these gloomy years
They'll know I lived through pain and torment

There is a disease that is among us
One that isn’t contained in the medical field
But one that affects our life every day
One that stealthily eats us alive every day

Everyone faces fear at a point in their life
Some people experience it more than others
But this disease can be very dangerous
Even at time, it can be highly contagious

This beast slowly crawls inside of your body
Unknowingly at first, you think everything is fine
Then it hits you, hard like a knock-out punch
You think that the world around you has broken into chaos

You can’t let this fear begin eating you alive
You have to fight it
Fight it with all of the artillery you contain
Fight until there is an end to your fear
Defeat it in any way possible

So tomorrow a few more days
Marks the day we departed ways
It's been almost a month already
This past month has not been steady

I had my ups and downs on the ride
Trying to find someplace to go hide
Not finding anywhere to help assist
Not leaving any scars on my wrists

I still have strong feelings for you
However, it's over, a start that's new
We have to move on from the past
Because this love will not be our last

The past is now behind us
Leave back all that ruckus
Step forward high and free
A new day starts for me
Start to live in the present
Today will soon represent
The new life that you're given
And ends with you to heaven

She's here in town tonight
And here for a few weeks
I want to go and see her
But she will not talk to me
I want to be friends again
And it is killing me inside
I want to see her once more
But I am now nothing to her
I dream that I am seeing her
And I am making her smile
Just like it all used to be
But I wake up to reality
I think I will never see her
And I may just give up on her
She made me who I am today
But I need to forget all about her
She is always in my thoughts
And I want her to leave my head
She will slowly start leaving
But soon return to no avail
I do not know what to do now
And I know I need to move on
I know I need to forget about her
But she meant so much in my life