As the first flake hits my lips
A cold sensation flows through my veins
Continues all the way to my finger tips
Until they tingle, with little pains
The cold wind tenses up my face
As I bundle up to remain warm
The snow starts to fall at a constant pace
These small flakes meaning no harm
This cold and snowy winter day
Is beautiful in every single way

People see me as a bright person
Well, sometimes they see that side
Others they see and hear depression
Because from them I don't need to hide
I only can create artificial happiness
My life is like a kind of kids' fruity cereal
It's exciting but can contain dullness
Even though my life can be surreal
My happiness is dull and quite bland
It's basic and can not be made naturally
I need help from a kind and gentle hand
To drag me out of this darkened valley
It has been a while since It has been true
Where my happiness came naturally to me
I thought it would flourish as it grew and grew
But then it found it's enemy and set itself free

This is the magnificent time of the year
Where all family and friends are near
Joyful times spreading holiday cheer
Having all loved ones with you here
Full of happiness, joy and ultimate surprise
Where the words "Merry Christmas" reprise
Waking up early to witness the glamorous sunrise
To a night filled with delicate food and numerous pies
Have a safe and happy holiday my fellow friend
Savor this day because it happens once a year, comprehend?
Enjoying this day with all loved ones is what I recommend
This day fulfilled with joy will soon come to an abrupt end

Who are you and what is your name?
Our eyes met once the rain concluded
Both of our intentions were the same
Finals performance, wanting to be included
It was the first marching contest of the year
And I get to see her once more at the last
It is her voice I believe I still can now hear
Even through the enormous trumpet blast
I don't even know your name or your story
But I do know your beauty and personality
You're sweet and have the sense of glory
To see your band not fall to any brutality
I can not wait to see you again in a month
Our bands will rise while our motives stay still
The competition to see you again will be tough
I won't forget you until then my mystery girl

In the past we were the same
Both compassionate and kind
Full of joy and always energized
Ready for what life threw at us
We were together in young love
Nothing will be breaking us apart
We felt invincible to our open world
We could do whatever we wanted
Today is now the opposite storyline
We are now separate in our own ways
I'm not sure about your characteristics
But I'm not as kind nor compassionate
I am a fragile human being in this world
Every word spoke, all actions, can hurt me
You now seem happy with someone else
And I'm alone in my own cruel universe
In the future who knows the outcome
The future is something of the unknown
You can't base the future from past facts
But you can create speculations from them
You can predict you life in another ten years
But you can't be positive that'll be the result
I do know however that I'll still be living life
While you're gone from here, in the afterlife

As time passes by
I sulk in my misery
I try hard not to cry
But it destroys me
Losing many tears
My soul is now dry
As over these years
I continuously die
From birth to death
I feel pain repeated
Like I am on ****
Until I am defeated
I fight what I can
And avoid the rest
I am a lonely man
With a heavy chest
I see no end in sight
Life moves too fast
I must rest my soul
To end, good night

There are moments in life
Where you have to sacrifice
All that occurred in the past
Blow it up in one final blast
Step away like it was nothing
However, it used to be everything
But you have to step away
Start this chapter on a fresh day
Where one chapter comes to an end
Another new chapter will begin
It's an ongoing cycle, repeating
Many new steps you take, repeating
If you happen to peer back, defeating
And it continues until death, defeating

Here I was a year ago from today
I was a free soul always out and about
Energetic and proud in every way
Seemed like I was headed to a great route
Always like a silly child on the inside
But a serene appearance masked my face
Feeling like life was an easy and free ride
But I was wrong, and it’s flying by like a race
But here I am now, still the same appearance
Serene and tranquil still is as I appear
But the old feeling on the inside is a disappearance
But on the inside, I’m full of despair and fear
For I know I will not be the same a year from now
But hopefully I don’t look worse next year and ask, “How?”

The cruel, heartless disease
That kills humans with ease
Pain and death, a horrid mix
Yet something we try not to fix
Taking away all young and old
Future stories unable to be told
Their life taken at a blink of an eye
Leaving loved ones in the cold to cry
This silent killer will be hard to stop
Until all it's victims surrender and drop
This beast must reach it's ultimate fate
Hopefully at a sooner than later date

It is the start of yet another day
You're awake an energized again
There is so much you have to say
But you forget and you feel insane
You awake with a smile on your face
Seeing the sun when opening the blinds
Hearing all of the sounds of your place
And smelling the fresh coffee grinds
Have a fantastic morning beautiful
I will text you whenever I am awake
I hope your morning is not quite dull
But it starts with a bang and a shake

I can clear up all this endless agony
With one slick decision I can't make
I think of anyway to become happy
And I'll do whatever it will even take
I'm pretty sure I found where to start
She's energetic yet has a calm soul
I wonder if she can fix my dark heart
Making life energetic instead of dull
I fear that I could hurt someone else
I went through it and I am still stuck
I can't seem to get out of this mess
Even whenever I muster some luck
I wish I was able to make the choice
To say a thing to a certain someone
It is me that has a controlling voice
To end more chaos before it's begun

So after eight months together
And almost all long distance
You decided to call it quits
To break free of stress’s hold
I knew this would happen eventually
But why does it have to be now
After I’ve had a long, stressful day
But today marks a new start
A new start of my many years to come
I need to quickly get over you
And get back on the road once again
But I don’t want to get over you
I still have strong feelings
But I know you had no other choice
Than to stop it before it got too far

If you were to take a quick glance at me
I would probably seem perfectly fine
But if you took a look for a long while
You will see that everything in my life is out of line
On the outside, I am flying free like a bird
But comparing that to my inside is absurd

On the inside, it feels like there are chunks of lead
Keeping the weight of the world inside of me
Keeping me from succeeding at much and feeling dead
Instead of a hard working honey-gathering bee
All I want to do is break free of this hold
But it seems near impossible where it feels cold
Just knowing that I will not be able to take this alone
It seems to remind me of how I can be condoned

But this pain inside of me will soon vanish
It may not be today nor tomorrow
But all I can do for right now is to wish
To wish that someone will come help pull me out

I never in a thousand days
Would worry about our relationship
But it could fall apart in numerous ways
Commonly by an unwanted hardship
Right now, I'm worrying about you
Because you're facing a challenge
Being on death's doorstep like a few
Losing energy, you retain enough for a final lunge
My main worry is not having you in my life
Time is running down faster than we could imagine
Faster time runs out, more than to our belief
There's no way I'll let this disease destroy your passion
I worry that I will not be to keep you happy until the end
You will fade away in a tremendous amount of sadness and despair
But as the time left for you continues to descend
I will do my best to keep you happy, as long as I'm here
I will love you until the very end, no matter what anyone says
Because you are now down to living your very last days

I wish you could purchase a life
And recycle your old living Hell
Chop it up with the blade of a knife
And stow away all evidence aside
I am only at a very young age
And have faced numerous hardships
I still seem unable to turn the page
To the next step of my painful story
It is not yet midnight as of this moment
And I usually remain awake for hours more
I can no longer face this constant torment
I wish to sleep earlier than normal today
I wish to end all the pain as soon as I can
But I know it will not be worth it in the end
I will end life much happier than it began
And I will be happy before my eternal sleep

I see myself in the mirror
I'm young yet full of fear
In my eye is a crusty tear
Of reflecting on my year
Started off in utter pain
And simply ended in vain
I'm left alone and insane
Sitting out alone in the rain
I do not know what to expect
I have new options to select
In all options, there's a defect
But all I can do now is reflect
Reflect on what is now the past
Reflect on what flew by so fast
Twelve bitter months out of grasp
And they sure won't be the last

Here sits the this grown man
So strong and powerful
Strong and extremely tan
From working until he’s null
Then here’s the baby child
So sweet and tender, a newborn
Not yet cranky or even wild
Fresh, like a sweater never worn
The man cradles this sleeping youth
Holding it strongly, yet full of comfort
As he looks and sees not one tooth
He smiles, and then the baby wakes with a snort

I feel my chest getting heavy
Like an elephant taking a break
I'm beginning to feel needy
Of finding a girl for my sake
I'm feeling lonely every day
I honestly like someone now
I can't do anything in any way
Because I do not know how
I fear heartbreak once more
I don't want that pain again
Someone I'm starting to adore
And I seem to be going insane
My heart pounds like a drum
My head spins a crazy amount
Like I drank a few bottles of ***
Until I have the guts to ask her out
But I just can't do it anytime soon
Because I'm afraid of one afternoon
That may haunt my life forever
And I can't reach this endeavor

It was two thirds of a year
It was a great eight months
Although it was very difficult
We pushed on to success
We faced major setbacks
Undesirable amounts of pain
And the last but not least
The fear of you leaving earth
In eight months we faces a lot
More than others in two years
Our relationship was unique
And it sure was special to me
But it seems like you forgot
It is just an evil presence to you
And although it's nothing to you
Our relationship meant a lot to me

I want to hold your hand
Take a stroll through the park
Talk late at night in the dark
About the ideas we recommend
See a popular new movie with you
It doesn't matter what kind
As long as you’re happy, I don’t mind
If it’s a classic or brand new
Simply just eat a delicate dinner
Talk about our futuristic life
Not worrying about pain and strife
Forgetting the pain of what we were
Sit on a bridge with a magnificent view
Smiling and enjoying our alone time
As we look into the distance at the horizon
To keep me happy is to just be with you
Catch up on our lives together as one
I want see you full of excitement
When I tell you one certain statement
That I love you a whole lot more than a ton

I may seem like a somber person
Containing only one simple version
Never seen in public the opposite
Only pain and sadness I deposit
In reality, I can be happy, sometimes
Maybe not noticeable in these rhymes
But I can sometimes appear happy
But my happiness is not full of purity
I often will "fake" my happiness
In order to not seem like I'm in distress
It's been quite a while since it's been real
But I'm trying to turn it around like a wheel
I want to be happy as much as possible
To prove that sadness and pain is curable

As I climb up the treacherous ladder
I feel my heart pump, faster and faster
I feel like that last chance baseball batter
Hoping he doesn’t create a perilous disaster
I peer down once on top as I gulp air into my lungs
I get ready to take the jump I’ve been waiting for
I jump, flipping through the air like loose dog tongues
I hit the water, precisely as planned, satisfied, I head out the door

I don’t know how I could move on
My mind will always think of you all day
It will be like life without the Sun
No light or warmth, like a dark, cold bay

My mind just wouldn’t be able to think
Because I’ll feel so gloomy and blue
My life will crash into rocks and sink
All because I will lose the one and only you

I don’t think anyone can take your place
My life will be forever dark and hollow
A distant look pasted on my expressionless face
With no one to trust anymore or to follow

You are born, you live, and die
It is the most common cycle
Everyone encounters this event
However, some sooner than others
Life is not to be taken for granted
Some are not blessed like you and I
Some only see the world for a second
Then close their eyes to never open again
I fear the day that I will never again wake
I will regret some decisions I have made
I will look back and see the pain I caused
I will never be able to change any of it
I wish to die in the common way of age
People die all the time in numerous ways
Heart attacks to cancer to the battlefield
Some of these people are innocent
And have done nothing wrong in life
They bring happiness to those around
Why can't I die in this way instead of them
People just can't take life for granted
It can be ripped away like candy from a kid
Or a mole caught in the neighbors trap
Live your life to the fullest every day
Because you will see the end at some point
We all see birth, we live, and then we die

Ever since that one journey
You felt extremely close to me
We had so many similarities
Close birthdays, and both Polish
This was only two years ago
Meeting each other and not know
What our future was to soon grow
That we would be in a lovely relationship
That stayed strong there until the end
Break up takes away stress you recommend
Apart and alone we shall have to fend
And so far that is where we stand now
So after all of that, since that young start
You are always my Polish Buddy, in my heart

For whatever I said to upset you
I am truly sorry for what I’ve done
Sorry for not stopping the avalanche
That fell upon us both in the recent days
Neither of us really had a decent clue
That we should’ve turned away to run
A lot time ago before this horrid crunch
Because it should have end in other ways
I can apologize a thousand times all day
But you probably won’t accept it anyway

So many pretty girls I know
And I wish I wasn't so lonely
Do I want to ask one out?
I am not really sure right now
There is the cute blonde
She has a great personality
I have known her for many years
But have I waited too long for her?
Then there is the first of 3 brunettes
She has such a lovely smile
And she has wonderful hair
But we don't talk much in person
However, it's nonstop here online
Does she like me but we are both shy?
Then there is the second brunette
It has been on and off with her
Some moments I really like her
Then others I forget she exists
She often will hug me at school
But that really is all there is
Other than when we went to the mall
Is there a connection? Was there ever one?
Then there is the last of the brunettes
We don't really talk much anymore
But it used to be all the time it seemed
For quite some time, I didn't exist to her
But then I crawled back into her life
She has beautiful eyes that see your soul
And that laugh that is just adorable
But I know that I can not have her...
Is this just proof I can't find anyone?
I have decided to just remain single for now
But I feel like loneliness haunts me again
I want to find happiness once more
And it is hard for me to come by now
As a relationship truly makes me happy
But right now, I don't think I can be in one
It's a mix of I'm scared of heartbreak
And maybe there is also some embarrassment
I'll find it one day, but right now I suffer

As the time continues to stretch
I find myself fading further away
Creating a new me, an evil wretch
Never returning back another day
I have nothing to peer forward at
Nothing but memories left behind
Future wiped away at the door mat
Not able to look back and rewind
Slowly fading away from the source
I want to fight against no resistance
But I'm letting life finish it's course
Cause what's killing me is this distance
I'm fading away from all my close peers
They don't seem to notice at the moment
But soon after many of these gloomy years
They'll know I lived through pain and torment

There is one word today
That can destroy my day
I try to avoid it in any way
But it has something to say
It reminds me of good times
When I once had good rhymes
I lived life outside the lines
And lived freely without fines
It can make a good day bad
I go from a happy to a sad
I can enter a weekend glad
And leave it all just as mad
It seems to have ruined me
I can't think it without misery
I can't say it to remain free
And I will die of it, you'll see
That one word that will end me
Is just a simple five letter word
Two simple syllables we all know
And the effect on my life is absurd
That one word happens to be a name
A name that I once used to adore
But now it seems to ruin all I do
As I lose everything that's in store
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah
The name constantly echoes in my head
And seems to continue until I am dead

It was on a Wednesday night
I talked to you earlier that day
Getting involved in a relationship
We both knew what was to come
We knew that you were moving
Yet we decided to pursue it all
Even though it seemed wrong
We decided to just get together
We were ready for the challenge
We were going to move forward
As one from miles from the other

I'm just throwing in the towel
You seem to not want to chat
It sure has been quite a while
But I'm just giving up on that
Now I seem to not even exist
The life we once had is gone
I have bleeding on my wrists
By each new break of dawn
I can't keep living in the past
It's gone and out of my reach
It leaves like a dynamite blast
Quicker than one dies of bleach

I honestly have nothing to say
I am happier than I used to be
Every single day is a new day
I now live flying high and free
I feel like i have moved onward
From the difficulties in my past
I'm focused in moving forward
I know that pain will never last
If you keep your head up high
It's easier to stand tall and fly

I am here to catch you when you fall
When there is no match left at all
I tend to fire away any harm nearby
It comes to the wire to when I cry
I am here everyday for a loved one
I am here in anyway to bring the sun
I am here for those close to my heart
Only those that chose to not depart
I am here to give happiness to you
I am here to live for everything new
I am not here for those that backstab
Leaving a tear and with nothing to grab
I am only here for those that appreciate
I am only near to those that can wait

My aching, pounding heart
Searches again to ease the pain
To find a new place to start
Instead of standing in the rain
I will search once again to find someone

I thought my loneliness was cured
I think about that, knowing I was wrong
And once it was over, it wwas not absurd
On the time it took to realize, not very long
But I can never give up, I will never be done

In hopes I can find someone very soon
I think about what I can do to change
Search near and far, here and to the moon
There is no search that is out of range
Because I'll never give up, until all hope is gone

.

I miss all of those deep feelings
Of caring so much for someone
Telling them "I love you so much"
Thinking and dreaming about them
I miss thinking about them all day
Nonstop thoughts drown my head
About how beautiful she is to me
I imagine how other people see us
"They are such a beautiful couple"
"They are so cute together" I imagine
I wish I had all of these feelings back
Sleeping well at night without a fright
Relaxing days go in to peaceful nights
Only if I have all of these feelings back
But, I do still have some of these feelings
They never left my dying heart and soul
I often still think and dream about her
She still haunts me when I tell her to leave
I still have nightmares of you and death
I can't destroy these now unwanted feelings
I only wish now, I had someone else to see
Someone else to call beautiful and sweet
I wish that now, I can find happiness again
And regain all of the lost feelings I once had

Want to know what I love about you? I love just being around your unique attitude. I love seeing you beautiful face. I love hearing your sweet voice. You are absolutely beautiful Madelyn. If someone tells you otherwise, punch them in the face or tell them they need glasses because they CLEARLY can't tell that you're beautiful. Just kidding, don't punch them or insult them, that's just not nice and I know you're not a mean person. Just be you. Stay the beautiful, amazing and sweet Madelyn that I know and love. Don't change to try to impress me or impress others because you already impress many people, including me. I love everything about you, and most importantly, I love YOU

I know that us being together is the past
And I wish that it were like it used to be
But I have to stop living in the past at last
And to focus on living life again as just me
So far, I’m not doing so well with moving on
But I’m doing better than I thought I would
I don’t want you to disappear and be gone
I want to be able to see you again, if I could
I know I told you this in the past but it’s true
You’re really beautiful and sweet in every way
Seeing your smile used to turn my world blue
However lately, it’s not your fault, they’re gray

I'm not the same anymore
I'm different in every way
The old me is out the door
Not coming back another day
I'm not the person I used to be
I'm always changing each week
I was full of joy and always free
Now I'm alone and feel like a freak
I do not like who I am at this time
I hate seeing myself in my mirror
Feels like I committed a federal crime
As I think who I was and about her
My mind is swirling round and round
It won't stand still and I easily get lost
I will search for my old self until it's found
I don't mind a sacrifice or an unwanted cost
I wish to not be in this state full of fear
But it won't change now that the end is near