I'm not prepared for anything
I'm not prepared to face my fear
Not ready to give someone the ring
I'm not ready for anything, far or near
Not ready for what my future has in store
Not ready to accept the certain facts
I'm not prepared to shut the past door
I'm just wanting to lay low and just relax
I'm not ready to be in a wonderful relationship
As much as I want to, I'm not mentally ready
My happiness remains hanging with tight grip
While my aching heart remains alone and needy
I'm not prepared to meet new people anymore
Because I'm afraid to break down in the mix
I'm constantly fighting my internal war
Waiting for something new in life to fix

There is so much in my past
That I regret and want back
Time ticks on by way too fast
All these times now remain black
I wish that we would have never met
Maybe I wouldn't feel down today
Maybe death in my life wasn't a threat
But I'm happy to meet you anyway
I regret those last words I said to you
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," that never came
As my love for you consistently grew
I could uncover what was stuck in the rain
I regret what I'm doing right at this moment
Thinking about you but not saying a peep
These thoughts becoming strong and potent
I'm taking baby steps, life is taking a leap
I'm being left behind in the cold and lonely dust
Left alone in my despair and regrets to rust

I can't do anything right anymore
I can't pass a test to save my life
I can't remain confident in myself
I can't even attempt facing my fears
I've only had one girlfriend in my life
I've been a failure at all possible sports
I can't pass a test if it would save my soul
I can't even step up as a leader to others
I'm just a failure at life all together
I'm just a nobody walking those halls
I'm just a lonely guy stuck in this world
My name is Brett, and I can't do anything

You may have an idea
You may have a thought
But I'm like North Korea
Everything? I think not
You don't know my experience
You don't know my background
My story exceeds your intelligence
The mysteries while I'm not around
You don't know what people say
You don't know how people live
You hear something new everyday
And you have no intelligence to give
So back away from lives other that yours
And learn about yourself before taking tours

It's been a while since we talked
So we aren't up to date anymore
Chances for communication blocked
Opportunities quickly out the door
We used to talk every day of the year
But now it's a rarity for that to occur
Every passing day brings pain and fear
As I think about you and worry even more
I wish that someday soon we'll talk again
And it will hopefully end this pouring rain

Everyday someone will ask
How am I doing on this day
I'll say I'm fine through all tasks
But I'm not fine at all in any way
I'm constantly worried and afraid
I want my world to slow to a stop
I want time to become more delayed
It's going too fast to keep up top
To others, the inside of me is a mystery
And the currently known will be history
I will assure you all of one thing I know
I'm sad and afraid with nowhere to go
I'm on the brink of running away to hide
Because nothing right now is on my side

No one will know
When the end will occur
This unknown foe
Will ****** out in a blur
I wish I knew when it’d come
So I can make my last words special
Sing to you in a gentle hum
That I love you and that’s all
I want to pour my heart out
I want to go climb a mountain
And then give out a loud shout
Proving my love to you in the rain
But no one knows when it’ll occur
Snapping out at us in a blinding blur
Ending life whenever it shall choose
Fate always wins, and you shall lose

I know it has been a long while
Since we talked and saw each other
Sometimes I talk my phone and dial
But not hit send because I don’t bother
It now has been over a week without contact
And I’m really beginning to worry at this moment
I want to go see you; I just need to get packed
I just can’t live on with this horrendous torment  
I really want to tell you the whole truth
But now I’m sure it’s already too late
We’re still young and in our youth
And I will say these days have been great
I shall first say I really like you still to this day
You are still beautiful to my each gentle eye
Ever since that one day in the month of May
I always want to comfort you when you cry
I want to be there to make you laugh
Lay together late at night on an open field
Create adorable hearts together with two halves
But our life is moving too fast, no time to yield
I still wish we were together at this very time
But there is a fate that you shall soon face
And without you, my life will be like a **** lime
I can’t imagine living without you in this place
For now, I shall not share this with thee
Because I fear it may bring you sadness and fear
However in the future I may share with your family
To show them my care for you my dear
Until the day we shall meet again in the future
Sincerely, your Polish Buddy and best friend, Brett

Stay strong little soldier
Don't give up the fight now
Keep you chin up high and proud
Keeping your shoulders broad
Although I am so far away
I am still with you in your heart
I will never leave your side
Even when the time is ****
I will comfort you through conflicts
I will help walk you though life
You are one of my best friends
Whom I want to see happy though strife

The sun beating on your face
Sweat drips down your back
You can't move out of your place
No time to go eat a day snack

Commands to the left and right
You reply by yelling your reply
Clarinets sounding shrill and bright
Visuals where you pretend to die

The cheers of the applauding fans
All there to witness a marching program
There to support all the local bands
Not as simple as Mary Had a Little Lamb

The season ends like a firework finale
All hard work and dedication pays off
Until the final band's ferocious rally
They leave the field silently, not even a cough

Dut dut dut, band ten hut, band left face
All the wonderful sounds of a new start
A new year to set the show back in place
And play the music majestically from the heart

Time is leaving me left in the dust
Leaving me out in the cold to rust
Time has been flying by without you
The possibility soon is making me blue
I can't imagine living in this world alone
Singing the blues in every different tone
I wonder if I have already lost the girl I knew
There is a possibility she's still deep inside you
There isn't much time left I sure do know
But I wish we could be happy, you never go
But it must be your unlucky and horrible fate
To enter heaven through the open holy gate

Where should I go
And what shall I do
No one that I know
Loving only a few

I wish to leave this place
Leave far, far away today
No one will miss my face
I have no reason to stay

To hang by my slim neck
Or a bullet through the head
Either way I won't be back
Finally I'll be completely dead

The cruel, heartless disease
That kills humans with ease
Pain and death, a horrid mix
Yet something we try not to fix
Taking away all young and old
Future stories unable to be told
Their life taken at a blink of an eye
Leaving loved ones in the cold to cry
This silent killer will be hard to stop
Until all it's victims surrender and drop
This beast must reach it's ultimate fate
Hopefully at a sooner than later date

To be totally honest
I really am clueless
I may seem modest
Inside I'm speechless
I don't know how I feel
Don't know when to do
Don't know what is real
Then all thoughts go to you
I'm clueless overall on life
I'm stuck in the ocean blue
Filled with agony and strife
I don't know the near future
I'm clueless on the current day
This is pure, self created torture
That I can't stop in a known way

Ever since that one journey
You felt extremely close to me
We had so many similarities
Close birthdays, and both Polish
This was only two years ago
Meeting each other and not know
What our future was to soon grow
That we would be in a lovely relationship
That stayed strong there until the end
Break up takes away stress you recommend
Apart and alone we shall have to fend
And so far that is where we stand now
So after all of that, since that young start
You are always my Polish Buddy, in my heart

I worry so much about you
Just being simple and clear
I know very little and few
Without you anymore here
I fear all the negative outcomes
I fear the pain you go through
I fear you unhappy and alone
Although none of that fear is new
You may wonder why I still fear
We aren't together, yes I sure know
I do still think this feeling is queer
But there's nowhere for my fear to go
When I try to talk to you, it's to help
But when I do, it seems you no longer care
I know other worries will soon develop
But giving up on you now is not really fair
If you wish to still talk, I am always here
For you are my Polish Buddy, my dear

So tomorrow a few more days
Marks the day we departed ways
It's been almost a month already
This past month has not been steady

I had my ups and downs on the ride
Trying to find someplace to go hide
Not finding anywhere to help assist
Not leaving any scars on my wrists

I still have strong feelings for you
However, it's over, a start that's new
We have to move on from the past
Because this love will not be our last

It flows freely out from my lips
Like water down a waterfall
Down through the rock tips
A lasting impression on us all
It is a beautiful sound to hear
Soft as a feather on the ground
It’s even sweeter with you near
So all can hear from all around
I say your name to myself everyday
Thinking back to how you speak
I then forget what to exactly say
My voice going numb and very weak
I love the sound of your very name
But each passing day, it brings me shame

To be totally honest with you
I'm not doing so hot here alone
These feelings are nothing new
But what I say to you now is true

I miss you the most out of us all
Feelings I can no longer condone
I miss seeing you down the hall
Trying to see you through the wall

But the past is gone in the past
Set the experiences to a low prone
I wish those times didn't go so fast
But it's gone, here a new start at last

Luscious long dark brown hair
Blonde is not preferred there
Big brown eyes, peer in my soul
Shorter fit build is much preferred

However, looks aren't all to me
Kind at heart, touching personality
A cute laugh that I never get sick of
Magical smile to enlighten my world

She must be trustworthy with all I say
Respect each others decisions everyday
If I find this girl, my life will be complete
However, it'll be difficult in this huge world

I wish I was able once again love
I just need that encouraging shove
To push me to continue carrying on
Not to wait too long, until time's gone
I wish to hold someone's gentle hand
Make her smile to make our time grand
Peer deep inside her majestic, deep eyes
Wipe away her tears from her previous cries
Have a wonderful and beautiful wedding day
Live a long life together, enjoying all we say
Take long walks on the beach, through a cave
Deeply mourn the death on the others grave
Our love has taken it's course upon our souls
Helping succeed at our most important life goals
Having a successful, lifelong true love

For whatever I said to upset you
I am truly sorry for what I’ve done
Sorry for not stopping the avalanche
That fell upon us both in the recent days
Neither of us really had a decent clue
That we should’ve turned away to run
A lot time ago before this horrid crunch
Because it should have end in other ways
I can apologize a thousand times all day
But you probably won’t accept it anyway

I just want to break down in tears
Waiting after these many years
I thought I had found the one
She wasn’t and now it’s done
I had done all I could for her
All of the difficulties to endure
I always put her before myself
And in the end, it wasn’t enough
It must have been something I said
Or something I sent that she read
But either way, what it was is over
I must move on, finding a new lover
I will have to begin this search again
Hopefully not enduring much pain
Sure taking lightly is highly unlikely
Soon I’ll open my future with a key
I’ll soon to find the girl of my dreams
I’ll do my best to keep her, by any means

In my own special and spectacular land
Sickness, death and rebirth will never occur
The constant playing from a marching band
All year, from all of January through December
All citizens are to be immune to the ability to age
Weaponry is illegal, punishable by banishment
All criminals will be banished and live in a cold cage
The only leaders would be the ones with commitment
Lastly, the only missing part of all this is who will lead
I elect myself as king, and to have you my lovely queen
I will always be there for you, give you all that you need
We will rule this wonderful land, and everything in between

No matter how it appears
It’s always the same to me
Shining through all the tears
Showing that you’re breaking free
Your smile being clear or mischievous
It still will brightens the room
Being totally innocent or devious
It still erases all my undesirable gloom
No matter what it should mean
It’s always the same in my eyes
Happiness and sadness and in between
Remains the same, from the smiles and cries
No matter what anyone else thinks
I know that it’s beautiful in every way
However, due to the distance and few links
I don’t get to see that smile everyday
I wish to see it sometime soon however
But it really seems totally inevitable
No matter how much someone is clever
They know that now it’s near impossible
Despite us not being together anymore
I wish that I would be yours until the end
But our love is now flying out the door
Telling this story to others, it hard to comprehend

The past is now behind us
Leave back all that ruckus
Step forward high and free
A new day starts for me
Start to live in the present
Today will soon represent
The new life that you're given
And ends with you to heaven

My aching, pounding heart
Searches again to ease the pain
To find a new place to start
Instead of standing in the rain
I will search once again to find someone

I thought my loneliness was cured
I think about that, knowing I was wrong
And once it was over, it wwas not absurd
On the time it took to realize, not very long
But I can never give up, I will never be done

In hopes I can find someone very soon
I think about what I can do to change
Search near and far, here and to the moon
There is no search that is out of range
Because I'll never give up, until all hope is gone

.

I stood there shocked
As if my world stopped
My feelings were blocked
My legs gave up, I dropped
I couldn't believe what occured
I thought it was all a horrendous dream
I knew it was true, it all just was blurred
As I tried to wipe that unwanted memory clean

The gentle rain falls down my face
Expressionless, yet full of despair
The rain having a wretched taste
An unwanted experience to share
Hoping the rain washes the misery away
Leaving my world lifeless and dull
As everything is colorless and only grey
It never leaves, leaving me miserable
Oh rain, rain, please leave be alone
It’s difficult to explain how I feel
These feelings, I can’t condone
The pain, the sorrow, seems unreal

There are moments in life
Where you have to sacrifice
All that occurred in the past
Blow it up in one final blast
Step away like it was nothing
However, it used to be everything
But you have to step away
Start this chapter on a fresh day
Where one chapter comes to an end
Another new chapter will begin
It's an ongoing cycle, repeating
Many new steps you take, repeating
If you happen to peer back, defeating
And it continues until death, defeating

A year ago from around today
I thought I'd be alone forever
That my skies would be gray
That the time to love was never
I was incorrect at the time
I found someone to finally hold
But now all that is finally behind
And now those memories are old
Today, I am single like I was then
But I wonder when I'll love again
I'm not sure if it'll happen, or when
But when it comes, it'll stop the rain

Thinking about your decision you made
Just the other night, deciding to break up
Hope to see each other had continuously fade
Us both being weary, you saying this is enough
Both of us were constantly over-stressed
I knew the time would come, like it was a past vision
But you are trying to put that stress to its own arrest
And in saying that, to break up, I respect that decision

I know that us being together is the past
And I wish that it were like it used to be
But I have to stop living in the past at last
And to focus on living life again as just me
So far, I’m not doing so well with moving on
But I’m doing better than I thought I would
I don’t want you to disappear and be gone
I want to be able to see you again, if I could
I know I told you this in the past but it’s true
You’re really beautiful and sweet in every way
Seeing your smile used to turn my world blue
However lately, it’s not your fault, they’re gray

So after eight months together
And almost all long distance
You decided to call it quits
To break free of stress’s hold
I knew this would happen eventually
But why does it have to be now
After I’ve had a long, stressful day
But today marks a new start
A new start of my many years to come
I need to quickly get over you
And get back on the road once again
But I don’t want to get over you
I still have strong feelings
But I know you had no other choice
Than to stop it before it got too far

Counting down the final days you may have
I think back to the times we spent together
Those few times where we just sat and laughed
To the time when I sent a surprise birthday letter
Not many memories can be reminisced in my mind
Due to the little time we spent together, before you left
I wish that I can put those few memories on rewind
The future memories taken, unwanted theft
I then fast forward to the times we could spend
But those times may never come, be always gone
But I’m currently doing something I sure don’t recommend
That is, the dying days left, to create your final countdown

The wind blows swiftly
Whistling free on this night
No resistance shown

As I look up at the deep blue sky
I can only think of one beautiful girl
I think of the last time we said bye
The one that gave my life a whirl
The one with the big brown eyes
The luscious long dark brown hair
That smile hiding every time she cries
She’s serene and never creates a flare
It feels like forever since I held her hand
Heard that sweet and soothing voice
But now she is far across this great land
But none of this was to be her choice
I can’t wait to finally see her again
But that time is going to have to wait
However, it’s only a matter of when
That time will come where it’s too late

This was a year of twists and turns
Icing the wounds from earlier burns
As the year didn’t start of that well
But it turned around, a story I will tell
I met a special girl that I love very much
I get happy whenever we get in touch
Although she lives a thousand miles away
There is a place in my heart she can stay
Overall this year has been very promising
Hopefully next year doesn’t start with a sting

I want to hold your hand
Take a stroll through the park
Talk late at night in the dark
About the ideas we recommend
See a popular new movie with you
It doesn't matter what kind
As long as you’re happy, I don’t mind
If it’s a classic or brand new
Simply just eat a delicate dinner
Talk about our futuristic life
Not worrying about pain and strife
Forgetting the pain of what we were
Sit on a bridge with a magnificent view
Smiling and enjoying our alone time
As we look into the distance at the horizon
To keep me happy is to just be with you
Catch up on our lives together as one
I want see you full of excitement
When I tell you one certain statement
That I love you a whole lot more than a ton

I’m afraid of your ultimate death
So young of age, life ending too soon
The last words you say under your breath
For eternity, in my mind they’ll loom
I’m afraid I will never see you again
Not being able to see your beautiful face
I can imagine you now, sick and in pain
As I sit here, worrying in a different place
I’m afraid of living my long life without you
As I don’t know how I will be able to stay strong
My life will be beaten, marked with black and blue
I thought we’d live long, but apparently I was wrong
I’ll be afraid to love someone else in the coming years
Because I’ll be afraid of losing the others I love as well
But all I can do right now is hope and hold back these tears
I’m afraid to live life after your gone, as you certainly can tell

The many emotions I feel right now is insanity
It is too much to be able to contain inside oneself
Especially for such an inexperienced youngster like me
As these emotions make this life extremely tough
The sadness enveloped in me is starting to escape
It’s slowly breaking through, creating havoc on life
I don’t know how much more I can possibly take
Until these emotions cut my life apart like a knife

Sitting here late at night
I think about you, and I worry
I hope my assumptions are right
And not visions that are blurry
I worry about you everyday
I hope that you’re safe
Worried and afraid in every way
But not losing hope or faith
I hope you’re not feeling sick anymore
But I have a feeling that’s not true
As now the tears in my eyes begin to pour
Dripping down my face, as I worry about you

It's two in the morning of the new day
And I'm still awake thinking, that's all
I think back to a year ago from today
Same thing as i was, staring at the wall
Listening to A7X and We The Kings
Thinking about my everyday life
Back then, it was pain that led to stings
But now, it's like the onion is ripe
A few tears crawl down my face
As I think about the one girl I love
The one that lives in a distant place
The one to soon see me from above

No matter how hard I try
I am never fully satisfied
I never think I've done enough
To help pull you out of the rough
I am doing the best I can
I try hard then it hits the fan
I don't think I'm trying hard
I want to protect you, stand guard
I want to do anything for you
You're close to my heart like few
But the harder I try at all
I always end with a deeper fall

This is the magnificent time of the year
Where all family and friends are near
Joyful times spreading holiday cheer
Having all loved ones with you here
Full of happiness, joy and ultimate surprise
Where the words "Merry Christmas" reprise
Waking up early to witness the glamorous sunrise
To a night filled with delicate food and numerous pies
Have a safe and happy holiday my fellow friend
Savor this day because it happens once a year, comprehend?
Enjoying this day with all loved ones is what I recommend
This day fulfilled with joy will soon come to an abrupt end

Lately you haven’t been getting much rest
As if sleeping is your own unwelcomed pest
You’re exhausted throughout the complete day
But to tell you to get more rest is all I can really say

A hairline fracture is painful yet goes unnoticed
We go on with one of these as we are overly focused
The pain of this slice is felt by oneself but not noticed by peers
Because it's not visible, but it may be as the breaking time nears

My life today is identical to one of these fractures
Full of pain that goes unnoticed by those around me
This fracture is constantly worsening from negative factors
But soon, all this pain will go away so I can finally break free

The vile feeling stuck inside us all
The evil word that haunts the human race
All people, the short and the tall
Pasting a worried expression on our face
Harming people of all ages
Students studying to the elderly in a nursing home
Sending these people in angry rages
All ending with the feeling of being only alone
Infecting our body in unwanted times
Times where we want to work hard to succeed
But stress and failure are perfect bonds
To make our final work quality drastically deplete

Right now I feel lonely as can be
Because you’re not here with me
Not here to laugh and make each other smile
Since the last time I saw you has been a while
I feel alone sitting here independently
I sit here alone, thinking about you silently
But then I close my eyes and see your face
Then that lonely feeling is finally erased
On my old emotionless face is now a smile
I’m hoping you are as well, despite the distance
I would do anything to see you, walk every mile
To relive all the happiness in remembrance