I need to find happiness in life
And for me, that's hard to find
I look near and far, but to no avail
I find hope as soon as I give up
Does that mean I should give up?
Maybe, maybe not, I do not know
But what I do know, is I'm not happy
I need to find happiness really soon
And there is only one way to do it
I need to find myself a girlfriend
Someone I can depend on always
Someone that I can make laugh
She makes me feel confident
Someone that can fix me up
But I know I must keep searching
Because I won't be happy if I give up
I need to remain persistent and believe
Believe I can find this special girl
That will make me believe in myself
But in all honesty, what am I?
I need to find what I am truly about
I do not know what my future holds
I don't even know what tomorrow holds
I just go with the flow, knowing nothing
I am in my senior year of high school
I still have no idea what I'm doing in life
I need to discover what my future is
But I need to focus on the present
I know that I need to be happy
But to do that, I need a girlfriend
After that, I need to discover myself
And to do that, I need to know my future
I want to know everything in this world
But these are a few ideas I need to know

Today in my anatomy class
We did an experiment on pain
Seeing if you could feel a needle
Pricking at your skin slightly
Well, I never felt a single thing
I told my partner to push harder
Still nothing, I felt no pain at all
When I got home, I looked at myself
Connecting that experiment to my life
I no longer can feel pain it seems
Unless it is just excruciating pain
But I don't feel anything, I am nothing
I will always have sympathy for people
But I can no longer feel the pain myself
I will help others through tough situations
But then when I'm in something similar
I feel nothing, not caring about myself
Is this an issue? Yes, I know it is
I have no feelings, but filled with emotion
Maybe it's good I feel nothing at all
Because now I won't be hurt anymore

Hey bro are you doing alright?
Yeah, I'm fine, thanks man
But that "I'm fine" is a lie
He really just wants to die
Hey girl, you feeling better?
Yeah, better than I was yesterday
But she really is a day closer to death
But she hides that pain underneath
Hey mom, is Jeremy going to be okay?
Yes, your brother is in a better place
But Jeremy is really already gone
And mom knows that where he belongs
Hey, I like your new shirt Vanessa
Thanks, these sleeves are comfortable
But really, the sleeves cover her scars
As she is afraid for her father behind bars
Hey, you doing okay about Samantha?
Yeah, I'm over her, it's all good
But you know you're no where near "fine"
As she is on your mind all the time
Hey, Jessica, you over Benjamin yet?
Yeah, he means nothing to me now
Each night, mascara runs down your face
As you miss his touch and his embrace
People lie to make it seem like they're fine
But we've all been there, they're not fine
They just want to curl into a ball and cry
Right now, that's me. I just want to cry...

I care way too much about others
I always put others before myself
I make sure others are always happy
Even if I'm hurt, I care about them
I'm not self centered by any means
I tend to others before I tend myself
But sometimes, I need to be selfish
I need to learn to care for myself first
I am hurt right now, yet it's the same
I care more about her than myself
I want her to be happy, simple as that
But I need to make sure I'm okay too
I care too much about others now
But I need to care about myself as well

I don't need a fancy car
I don't need an Xbox One
I don't need money and fame
I don't need a big ole mansion
All I want for Christmas this year
Is for you to be happy, that's it
Nothing else will suffice for me
If you're not happy this Christmas
So please, be happy, that's all I want
Nothing more and nothing less
Merry Christmas, and keep smiling

When I sleep, I dream of her
When I'm awake, I think of her
I no longer can sleep anymore
Because I'm happy when I dream
And it saddens me when I wake
I have been trying for years now
And I thought my efforts payed off
I finally started to talk to her again
Thinking I no longer had to move on
But of course, like always, I was wrong
I'm back at it again, trying to forget
But is it really worth it? I don't know
We still may have a future together
But I can't cash those checks in yet
I have to move on from her for now
And it's hard, she's always on my mind
Everything is meant to happen for a reason
And this is a clear example, I must move on

I'm not searching for a relationship
But happiness from a relationship
People tend to get those confused
If you're not happy, why be in one
It shouldn't be about them being cute
Or even them seeming sweet at first
But it should be how happy you will be
Will this person make you smile everyday?
Will this person make you laugh at nothing?
It's one thing I hate about society now
Especially with most people my age
It's all about looks and how others see you
But it should really be for your own happiness
If you're not happy, it is not worth it then
If you don't think you can last a long time
To at least a year, even consider marriage
Then this person will not make you happy
I just want to be happy, but I continue to wait
I'm fine with that, I've been patient for years
I will wait for the right girl to make me happy