I'm so happy I'm sad and I'm so happy I
wanna hit someone
I love you so much that I wanna scream
at the top of my ******* lungs and I love you so much I
wanna hide under the smallest grain of salt

i went to see him at work today.
Because i missed him and
Because he was sick and just
Because.
he gave me apple juice. i gave him Tylenol. 

we kissed in the living room when
no one was watching. he tasted like
Green apples and
Green tea and
Summer.
he had that look in his eyes. 

sometimes you just know, you know?

I                                                                ­                              
                  cried           ­                                                                 ­                                      I                
                the day                                                              ­                                             cried
             you left me                                                               ­                                    the day
             and it broke                                     I                                                        you left me
               my  heart                                     cried                                                  and it broke
                                                           ­          the day                                                  my heart
                                                           ­       you left me
                                                              ­    and it broke                                        
                   ­                                                  my  heart                                                        ­                                                                 ­  COME
                                                          ­            
                                                                ­                                                     I
                       I                                                                ­                         cried
                  cried                                    ­                                               the day
                the day                                                              ­               you left me
             you left me                                                               ­        and it broke
             and it broke                                        I                   ­            my heart                             I
               my  heart                                        cried           ­                                                          cried
                                                           ­             the day                                                              ­  the day
                                                             ­        you left me                                                        you left me
                                                              ­       and it broke                                                       and it broke
                                                           ­             my  heart                                           ­                my heart

                       I
                  cried
                the day                                                              ­                            
             you left me                                                               ­                              I                                                                ­                BACK
             and it broke                                        I                   ­                            cried    
               my  heart                                        cried           ­                            the day
                                                             ­           the day                                 you left me
                                                              ­       you left me                           and it broke
                                                           ­          and it broke                             my heart              
                                             ­                           my  heart

I have a long night ahead of me and you're exactly 313.45 miles 
away from my bed tonight.    
I looked it up. 
I straightened my hair and changed my clothes twice and brushed my teeth even
Though I didn't go out at all
I wish I could have slept in your dreams last night, because I had a nightmare. 
I wish you'd answer my texts faster
Don't you miss my smile, my lashes, my skin? (me)?
I miss tickling your knees and singing for you. 
I have a surprise for you when you get
back. It's not much but just, you know, come faster please. 
Okay, so 
text me back as soon as you get this.
Even if it's late. I'll wait.

I** ndependant of you and of your
N ever ending drama and
D emands. I wanted to keep you happy and 
I did all I could to hear you smile. I can't 
F ucking believe I let you make me
F ucking cry
E very night. I know you'll never
R emember me as the girl who taught you
E ternity and showed you the skies. 
N ot that I care. Not anymore. 
T ogether (our together) is in the trashcan now.

you say you care but
what if you
                                                         Don't.

Notice how
people who use the shuffle
option on their iPods 
keep on pressing
                                                          'Next'.

Your coffee always has way 
too much sugar in it and you
think too much
and somehow you scare  
                                                            Me

You told me once  that you've  never loved
anyone like you love me. You also  told me
that you woud love me forever and   never
(ever) leave my life.  That   you were   here  
to  stay.  You  
said I looked
like an angel,
like  an    Arabian   princess,
Angelina   Jolie-esque  and  
simply  eatable.  Your love
for    me   showed   all  over
this   perfect
face of yours,
you   know...
And   though
my poor eyes,
heart,    and
hands    belie-
ved every eve-
ry lie,    every  
*******   *****
lie,    I   know
better    now.                             **UCK YOU

Es-tu capable de briser la Lune ?
Es-tu capable d'éteindre le Soleil ?
D'obliger le jour de dormir,
De pousser la nuit au réveil ?

Es-tu capable d'enterrer les étoiles ?
Es-tu capable de faire voler les fleurs ?
Aux oiseaux, de faire oublier le chant,
Des nuages, faire arrêter les pleurs ?

Es-tu capable de rendre la Terre plate ?
Es-tu capable de faire tomber le ciel ?
Peux-tu amputer les papillons,
Et donner aux ours les ailes ?

Es-tu capable de rendre la vie ?
Es-tu capable de faire cesser les guerres ?
Peux-tu avaler les océans ?
Peux-tu balayer les déserts ?

Si, ces tâches toutes simples,
Tu ne peux exécuter,
Comment crois-tu pouvoir
Ma flamme éteindre, et mon amour tuer ?

I need to get some                                   sleep. But what
                                                  
                                                       I


really need right                                           now is to
                                                  
           ­                                          have


one more cigarette                                      because you've
                                                  
                                                       had


your way this time.                                          (You  always have your
way with everything).                                     But enough is
                                                  
           ­                                             *enough.

Oh no, you weren't my
lullaby singer, my troubadour, but
in my darkest nights I
knew I could  count on you
                                                             ­                                           always.


Always there with your eager
words (eager hands), with your
incessant desire for more,
(always more) and that's when I
                                                               ­                                          knew


you were the one I needed.
The way you were crushing
on other meaningless girls was
                                                                ­                                       something


I could easily overlook.
You were here and it
was all that mattered to me.
And the sour feeling in my heart
                                                           ­                                              was


not important (right?) But then,
why are you the world to me, when
I am only one tiny star in the
constellation of your life? In my bed,
at night, (every night), I wish I am
                                                              ­                                          *wrong.

Oh yes (Oh no) cut cut cut Oh yes (Oh no) I can see the blood now
It's so funny what you told me. Something like
you want to leave me and that I was (?whatwasit?).
Red on white tiles. I drop the blade, whereisit?, i can't see my arm anymore
.
.
why don't you care
why don't you see
the way I cut

I wish I could sleep
Forget the hurt
The PAIN
Drown in the dark
I wish I could sleep
And forget your face
I wish I could
Close my eyes and
Sleep for a minute
Or forever
Steal my life hour after hour
And hide from this agony
I wish I could sleep
To find you in my dreams
Or even in my nightmares
I wish I could sleep
To be with you
Just once more

I just read the email you sent me. The one in
which you called me a **** and told me that my dad was right
all along.
.
.
I'm scared of tonight's nightmares.

And we did.
     I swear we did.
          I showered in your scent this morning while you
              read to me my own work telling me I was foolish to
                 write such dark poetry. That you would love only me
                                                                ­                                                                 ­        forever




And we did.
   We made love and had long dialogues
       like grown-ups. Talking about politics and
           global warming and my left big toe and your
              fantastic way of explaining what our romance
                                                         ­                                                                    means




God, we did. I could  
    ******* swear we did.
                   .but.
        My body is naked from the knees upwards
            and my imagination runs wild, even faster than
               your thrusting hips and your spanking hand and
                      ugly words. My soul is drunk tonight and I wish it
                                                                ­                                         sobered up        
                                                      ­                                                                 ­                                       *never

I wore pink today and also the brown shoes you
always make fun of.
My lashes were curled and dry for once. I thought you would
kiss me and hold me and make me feel pretty. I thought it was
going to be a
(perfect) good
day.
.
.
My pillow begs to differ

She's walking Poetry
With her skin glowing and her eyes sparkling and her weird feet
She's a girl who likes her coffee cold
Who loves grass, the green green kind
Who believes in Forever and in Far Far Away
With candy always stuck in her teeth
She's a melody in the air
Her nose is too big and her hair isn't right
She smiles for no particular reason with her crooked teeth
And throws her head back when she laughs
.
.
.
Love Hates Her

no I don't want to
talk right now
                                                             ­  I
don't want to hear
your load of crap
I ******* care less
about the fact
that you
                                                          hat­e
everything I do
these days
no I'm not going to
apoligize and
I don't feel like crying
and saying I love only    
                                                              yo­u           ...          so just leave me ******* alone, will you?

You light my cigarettes
And make me shiver
Your eyes are black
Just like my eyeliner
Just like my fishnets
Just like my heart tonight
.
.
.
You refill my glass
And your eyes are burning
Your looks burn my dress
And all the lace
Goosebumps and sweet salt
You like what you see
.
.
.
You trace my lips
And there your fingers linger
Cold are your hands
Mr. Dark Smile
Dark Alley
Mr. Inviting abandon
.
.
.
You cup my knee
And whisper in my ear
Mr. Black Sugar has
A thousand hands
A million ideas
Why would I refuse?
.
.
.
In a different world
You make me drown
In silky sweat
In a sea of skin and sticky leather
Hard candy, smoke, and clouds
Purple-red snake and lost fishnets
.
.
.
It's done
Mr. Shadow is gone
I close my dry eyes
And wait
For yet another day
And the next one who will
Light my cigarettes

Remember me?
Pink river smile
Silky-explosion hair all over your pillows
Peachy-love flavored kisses
On your chocolate melting eyes…

Remember me??
Yellow sunshine of your mornings
Banana sweet balm of your yesterdays
Sugary lemonade hugs
Sunflower-ing your days…

Remember me giving
Every last ray of sunshine?
Remember me sharing
Every last bit of laughter?

Remember me caring
Until I forgot myself?
Remember me loving
Every destructing once of you?

REMEMBER ME?
Knife on the floor
Red river next to it
Dripping from a dead sun
With demon eyes
Staring at the angry cuts
Dying to forget
Dying to follow
Your amnesiac steps

The way you touch my hair
And the way you smell my skin
The way it hurts
You make me suffocate
The way I miss your I love you's
And the way your arms shelter me, shatter me
The way it kills me
You make me suicidal
The way our voice comforts me
And the way you make me cut my wrists
And then make me heal my wounds
I hate you

He loves the way she walks, the way she rolls her eyes, the
way she says *******.
He loves her bruised lips, her scarred back,
her oily messy hair, and her skinny legs.
He loves her moans, and her black black mascara,
and the way she smirks when he calls her
beautiful.

I'm drowning in your flesh
Drowning in the scent of your sweat
Trusting your hands
Island of lost dreams
Not caring where I've landed
Knowing the truth
Living the lies
I'm drowning in your voice
Saying my name
Saying you love me but
(Do I still care?)
Drowning in my agony
Holding on to you
Screaming your name
Screaming I LOVE YOU
But
*Do you still care?

I'm not your typical kind of girl
Maybe I was
A long time ago
2 or 3 lifetimes ago
When I still had
Diamonds in my eyes,
Flowers in my hair,
Laughter in my voice.

You may know me
I'm that ******* the street
Staring at you
Making you feel nervous
Making you want me
Until you're crazy about me
Until you beg me
To take you to love you to care.

I'm not your typical kind of girl
Maybe I was
A million tears ago but,
Oh man, you don't know me
I'll be your sleepless nights,
Your worst nightmares
Flirting-cheating-abusing-manipulating-sick girlfriend
I'll also be
The love of your life.

Too soon,
I'll wave you goodbye
Telling you I had
A great time - don't cry - you'll be fine – HAH.

I'm not your typical kind of girl
Maybe I was.
But that was
Countless broken hearts ago.

In your eyes I see
Stars behind bars
Coffee stains and red grass
I see
Ice cream melting on the vanilla blue mountain
Smiling secret candies
Flirting with my torture
I see
Cigarettes lullabies
A forgotten Cinderella
Smoked, burning promises (ashes)
And my heart in pieces

I had a dream last night
Of your bleeding knees
Begging eyes
Purple-red wrists
And I have that dream
Every night.

I went to bed last night, but
Not before
handgunmouthtriggerNO
And then
I went to sleep.

I was your shadow
You were the boom-boom of my heart
You were the tick-tock of my life
And my pillow is so wet now
I think of you and bleed.

BoomboomTicktock
You had it all
Took and kept
Laughed and left
What will happen to my soul?

My heart is drained
My clock is broken
And in the dark, no shadow can live.

That's it I'm leaving this time

..................................................Oh but I love him so much

I can't stay here it's suicide

..................................................Look at his face his eyes his lips…

I gotta be strong now

.................................................I'm so weak his arms are calling my name

I can still smell her on him

I'm leaving

..............................................No impossible…I'll leave next time

You always say that

...............................................Maybe one day he'll open his eyes and

...............................................See me bleed.

'I love you baby, you know I do. You lighten up my days', you say



Oh boy, you make me laugh. Don't you know that I
Can see right through your lies, into your eyes and I
See the *****, see the sweat, see the invisible truth:
You got a **** princess.



Ms. Morning Dew, Evening Dew, wetness all over
Ms Package Deal, with some more spilling out.
She left cheap lipstick stains on
You shirt
Your pants
('You're the only one in my life. You believe me, right?')
And down there too.


Don't you know that I can feel you hardness against
My thigh when you dream of her at night?
I can see that you're caught up in your fishnets fantasies
You live in Whoreville, baby, with her
Population: 2, Hail the queen!
You're ******* lost forever.
You got yourself a queen with a heart of lace



'I love you'*, you say



*******

Dangerous princess tells him ''***** you,
what makes you ******* think I need you?''
Bangs hiding her eyes
Queen of hearts is smiling/crying
The sun has set down forever
on her glossless lower lip.
Breathing only the smoke she exhales
Living only through his hurt
Satanic daisy walks away waving her Stoli bottle

.
.
.

He's
in
love

She tried to find a job
to try to get some money
to try to buy a car
to try to go away
to try to find a road
to a place where she didn't scream at night
for him.

''Why didn't you call me text me answer me?''

.

My cigarette is heavy between my fingers, and I'm exhausted, babe. Just, please, shut the **** up.

.

''Why do you keep on smoking that **** why do you keep ignoring me you cheat and flirt and and and dress like a **** and and what about all that crack and crap and and all those guys why I don't understand why why do you hate me why why''*

...

.....

.......

..........

''BECAUSE. YOU. MAKE. ME. SICK.''

When you don't use tissues, not even your shirt
and the floor gets most of it
you talk with ghosts
and whisper and sob and scream
his name
when your lungs forget how to breathe
and your hands are eager to hurt and cut
but. the phone still rings, ignored.

Purple flowers.
I don't know their name
and I don't give a ****
I don't even care about the flower part
I only stare at the
ugly green and white paper they were
wrapped in, the part
you touched.

She wants it gone
because her beating heart feels it
and it's unbearably unbearable

my feet are cold
and I'm sitting here with the phone still in my hand trying very very hard not to
cry, but
my soul is screaming so loud it hurts my brain and my eyes are tired little things