"Don't bother going to school, your not smart enough."
"No one will ever love you, your not thin."
"You will not get respect, your not worthy."
"Your to young to know anything."
"All you need to do is live your life the way we tell you to."

Every word out of their mouths
Is meant to crush
My mind
My soul
To enslave
Me

They hide
Behind their religion
Judging everyone
Especially their own kin
Using prayer as a threat  
God as a weapon
For their own ****** up agendas  
Why can't I tell them
I think they are full of ****
Tell them where they can shove
All the ******* coming from their lips
They don't care about me
They use their supposed love
As a method for
Control

Finally
I have found my own weapon
Against their brand of evil
I went to school,
Worked hard,
Worked even harder
for good grades,
Graduated High School
College graduate
Found a great man
I am going to live the rest of my life with
I have NOT given up God but
  I will not fear him
For he is
My best friend
My protector

As for my greatest weapon
It is my
Brain

Heart beating fast
Pushing adrenaline through my vanes
Pupils dilating
Breath quickening
The monster is clowning it's way out
I can not keep it locked away anymore
It feels so good to let the chains containing it break away
It's so easy, the monster that lives within me is so strong
Black wings break through skin
Fingers elongate, sharp black nails form
My head wiping back unleashing a piercing scream
Red takes over the blue of my eyes, the slits that are now my pupils
Snap into focus on something
The growl turns into a howl as it rips it's way out of my throat
I'm not afraid of you anymore
Who do you think will win...
This time?

Those pretty little words
Tickle my finger tips as I write
Invade my thoughts as I think
Dance upon my tongue as I speak
Warm my heart as it beats.
Those pretty little words
Make sense where sense was not before.
It would be so easy to give those three little
Words wings.
Those pretty little words
Can hurt so deeply as well
So I will wait for the
Perfect time to tell
You I love
You

They are at their breaking point when I'm already broken
Yet I am to be the shoulder to cry on,
The person who makes things all better.
I'm invisible now like so many times when others are more important.
My heart is once again shattered and
I'm left picking up the peaces with ******, tired fingers.
It's not fare but they don't seem to care.
Tired of crying, I want to scream!
If only they could see I'm hurting,
maybe I wouldn't be
invisible any more.

Before years three and five things where easy, happy, magical, everything in the world seemed right like it should be through the eyes of children.
At years three and five our world was torn apart, the band aids where torn off by the person who was supposed to help us be years three and five.
Those wounds were never let to mend, leaving nasty scars that never stopped hurting.
As years three and five slipped by things only got worse, the childhoods we should have had where ripped from us.
I tried to protect you little brother, please believe me, I really tried.
I hoped if I did all the growing up that you would not have to, that you could have enough of a childhood that those scars would heal.
Though I cooked, cleaned, watched over you, listened to HIS lies, HIS slander, I gave it my all, and it did nothing, you still hurt and those scars never did heal.
Even today you hurt so much that you do those terrible things little brother, to get away from the horrible world!
Rationally I know it's not my fault, I know HE should have been there for us, to protect us, to take care of us, when he was not.

Even though I know all that I still can’t help but feel like it’s my fault.
I’m sorry brother!

I will try to do the right things now and maybe you can still have
a good life.

I have tried to write of you
on my hand
in the sand
with a stick  
on a walk
on the beach
it was almost within reach
but there are no words
to describe how I feel
about you.