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if i'm being honest with myself,
i am always scared

i am scared that someday i will trip in the
school hallway with everyone around, and
i am scared that my family will stop being able
to take care of ourselves. i am
scared that a third world war will erupt and
it will start two streets down the road from me
and end in my front yard

i am scared that one day i'll convince myself
that nobody really loves me, and, even worse, that
nobody will be around to tell me otherwise. and
i am scared that i'll drown at camp this summer
and i'm scared that if i don't, i will want to

i'm scared of needles and feet and airplanes
and on especially bad nights, i am afraid of the dark.

mostly i'm afraid that i will never stop living my
life on the brink of a panic attack, that i will always
back down from a fight, that i will never learn
to speak for myself, and i am scared that i will never
become anything more than this
and supremely anxious.
this is venting more than anything
"What are your parents like?"
He asks me, seriously as he plays the piano
I let the sweet noise embrace me
Before answering
"My mother is quiet
But she is one of the most caring people I know."
He smiles that radiant grin
"You must get it from her."*
I shoot him a sarcastic smirk
And he knows exactly what that means
"And my father..."
Hm, what should I say about Daddy Dearest?
Family problems aren't exactly a turn on
Should I outline the fact
About how he is a big reason I began to purge?
Should I broach the topic
Of my fear of gaining weight and eating sugar?
Because he tells me I will get fat
And acts like nobody can love a fat girl.
Should I bother mentioning
That he holds my sister on a pedestal
And sees me as a lost cause?
So I respond, calmly and sincerely
"He's great."
And we laugh, enjoying my "perfect" life
Marching into our pseudo-sunset
As I hope secretly, silently
That he never asks about my family
Again.
they call you dangerous because you are "rebellious" and you ride that cherry coloured motorcycle
i call you dangerous because you are capable of taking over my emotion;
the way i feel and how i see things
it is as if i am a flower
and you have picked me from the garden
you have control
you can leave me to die
or you can revive me and place me into a vase of water
they say you are dangerous because if i am a cat, you are a lion
you're stubborn, you fight for what you want
you are intelligent and you are beautiful
you are danger but maybe that is exactly what i need in my life

*a
There once was a man who could speak
Only in whispers, only in murmurs
He stuttered his way through his broken life
Hoping that someone would help him home.

People stop and stare
But most just pass him by
He cannot break out of this bubble
Of invisibility, of shadiness

All he wants is acceptance
The love of another
To escape this hermit lifestyle.
He has not chosen this for himself.

He simply yearns for a companion
With whom he can exchange hushed compliments.
A lover to be his stronghold
Whom he can call his own

But he has none of that
Will he ever be loved?
He cannot imagine this as a possibility
And still, he is ridiculed for being different.
Has he finally had enough?

His mask begins to disintegrate
And his body is weary and irreparable
What ever shall he do?
He steps out of his shell as he fades into the night
No one stops him
No one cares.

His funeral is well-attended.
Friends of friends
The bullies that beat him into the Earth
They dug his grave for him.
The passersby, remember them?
The ones who did not even stop
To express any concern for our lonely protagonist.

They all say
"He was grand, his smile was beautiful.
He will be missed."
But will you miss him?

They express their condolences to the family
You never honored him in life
Why would you honor him in death?
Is this your way of paying your disrespects?

I hope you remember him.
I hope he haunts you.
I hope he sticks in your mind
As the man that you let die.
my fingers have become blind
to the passing warmth of years and
my lips have forgotten
way too soon
By: Evynne Doué
i bet i taste lonely
kiss me again so i can know for sure
but then you'll just leave so i guess i'll know then too
By: Evynne Doué
Whenever I do
What they suggest in therapy
I ***** my friends over.
They say
Do something for yourself for once
But whenever I try
I am being selfish
In someone else's eyes.
And so
I allow myself to crumble
To self-destruct
But as long as I don't disappoint anyone
I feel just fine.
Tormenting tears of unrest
Tattooed upon my soul
Even if it were possible
I could never let this go
As my nightmares
Bleed into ink stains
Vaguely explaining why
I embrace the night with blindness
'Til once again I die...
Traveler Tim
re-to 02-17
Circle, circle
Evil and monotonous
Everyone around here does the same **** thing
Day after day
Sit in a cubicle
Make babies, program them to be
Your little robots
To grow up to be
Real life mean girls
Or homophobic jocks
The kids whom you could only hope to be
Or the ones you hated.
Living in a world
Where no teenager needs to work
Everyone gets what they want
Daddy can buy you a car, a house, college
The whole **** world, have it your way
You buy drugs, throw huge parties
Because you can
Your sense of entitlement sickens me to the core
So when someone different comes along
Someone who isn't on the "Barbie Diet"
Someone who doesn't wear heavy makeup, or Hollister size double zero
Someone who doesn't live in a palace
Someone who has to work if they want things
Other than necessities
How do you respond?
Shun, backstab, gossip
Wishing they would care
At least, that is what I have experienced
In the magical world of Suburbia
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