******.
I miss you.
I know it hasn't been long.
But a lifetime has passed
since the last day of summer
since the last time i saw you.
I only gave you a passing glance.
We said hello
chatted
shot the ****
you know
like we always do.
and then it passed
I tried to call you later
but hung up before you answered
you called me back
and did the same
why?
why couldn't we talk just one more time?
It feels like so long ago that i felt anything
worth feeling
other than the cravings
withdrawals
the undying wanting
to be somewhere else
to be there with you.
I know it's not the end of the world
you're not my soul mate;
only one of them.
but you've left me feeling so alone.
how can i be a man when the only
man
i ever knew is gone?

abandoning the safety of a sinking ship
the bottomless sea, vast and chaotic.
what lingers beyond the brim
is unknown.
couldn't possibly fathom.

I miss you sometimes.
When I look in your eyes and see nothing there.
And know that I'm just clinging to my memories.
And know that dreams should fall apart
When proved untrue.
I love you occasionally.
Like how the sky and wind and sun want to play with your hair.
And the moon can only wish to be as perfect as you.
And your smile is like the ocean.
And your eyes are like the sunset over top of it.
I think about you daily.
About our shared pasts.
Our possible futures.
Our little lies.
The truths
We can't dare reveal to anyone else.
I lie to you, I guess.
Saying I'm okay all the time.
Admitting defeat where there is none.
All the 'Never-mind's.
And "We're cool"s.
That really mean nothing.
I wonder nowadays.
Do you miss me?
How did you really feel?
Why do we bother?
Will you love me back?
I miss you, sometimes.

You told me I'm a better than I give myself credit for being
But, how can I believe you, when you don't believe in yourself
I have tried to take your advice, but my animosity keeps breaking through
This animosity of mine will never allow for me to get close to anyone
I will always push away at the faintest hint of happiness
That is why I am not good for you, anguish is all I allow
I wish that I was deserving or worthy but I am not
You have your own demons, you do not need my burden
My burden is my own to bare, alone to suffer
Possibly when this all subsides there will be a chance for me
Unfortunately I have difficulty believing that I can change
I do not believe that I will ever allow myself to get close
I will forever limit myself to a life of obscurity, just me and my insecurities
Too afraid to let you in, let you in to the labyrinth that is me
My only companion, my only comfort, knowing that will never change
Knowing, never fearing anyone using my thoughts against me

I feel numb don't what kind of response to give
You make life so hard to live judging eyes
A mouth that speaks everything but the truth
You tire me I turn my back don't ever want to go back I wish you the best I e changed don't make me do bad or ask me to be your decoy
I'm not the crying boy you made she'd tears
Or walking around living in fear of hurting other
Never the same loss of a brother never the same
Guilt is trouble taking the blame
I've stayed positive and lost it all and wonder when I gain or will get the happiness I seek without going through hell to feel at ease

Oh darling
We're falling apart
I wish it didn't have to end this way
But I'm learning that forever and always is only an overused phrase
and infinite is just an empty word
Sorry could never describe what I want to tell you
I hope that you can find better
But that I remain nothing but a memory
Not an empty memory
A memory with love and a memory with laughter
Distance is keeping us apart
But maybe when we're older, my dear
Because right now, we're just young teenagers in love.