The first time I met you, I felt like in a grayscale movie. Hell, your feed was in black and white. I remember our conversation about it the first time we met. You told me it was pictures with souls. I found the idea of it corny but intriguing and I seem to cannot bring myself to stop thinking about it.
Every single second spent with you, I began to notice every hue that comes with your smile.
especially with that big heart of yours that comes with your bones that quite feels like home.
it had hit me like a hurricane when I came to the conclusion that you are everything but monochrome.
You fill all the empty spots in me with shades of all our favorite colors.
You color the darkest parts of me in shades of yellow that I didn’t even think was possible.
You were so contagious, that you literally just have to smile and my amygdala would suddenly have an esplosion of colors as I act so nonchalant about it.  
You are everything I hoped for but more.
I met the person who gave me all the brightest of colors in a single second.
It intrigued me to the very core.
because at first it was just
vibing to the same music
movies
humor
memes
holding hands
the jitters
butterflies
more memes
but as this gets deeper
it was the state of comfort
i seem to cannot get enough of.
long *** naps
naked bodies
syncronized breathing
more holding hands
arguments
misunderstandings
snoring
long pauses and comfortable silence
not seeing each other for weeks
future plans
long hugs
goodbye kisses
it was the right kind of intimacy that was enough.
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m used to excessive emotions and feeling too much.
But loving you is the most profound I have ever been.
You take me to all the brightest places and to absolute euphoria.
The world would never be the same for me after meeting you.

—e.e

it’s 1 am and my heart is as heavy as my thoughts
that day I knew I loved you,
i remember trying to run away from it,
but the more I tried to run,
the more i realized that what I was trying to run away from
was myself
and
the one I was running to
was you
I never knew i needed all this
all you
all we could ever be
it’s 1 am and my heart is as heavy as my thoughts
it is heavy
as it contains all the beautiful things
we collected
in the form of
dreams
it is heavy
as it contains all the words
i love yous
and
i miss yous
it is heavy
because it tries to contain
my world
that is
you.

—e.e

in the events that this heart is sinking and this mind may seem clouded with heavy thoughts
remember
that during those moments
all
that
is
ever-crystal
ever-constant
is my love for you.
This lungs may have trouble with breathing at times but this mouth will always, always find its way to yours. You’re the only fresh air that I could ever have and ever need.
This hands will continue to find its way to yours and grasp into it as if it depended on it.
I’ll always be looking at your face, taking it all in and admiring every bit of it as if it was made for me and as if it’s whole essence is to be looked at by me. It is as if every second is crucial that every part of you is a mystery that I have to decipher. My eyes would only see you and strip you off until all It could see is your bare soul. My eyes would see the things people dont bother looking at. The parts that you find boring and unexalting. My heart that is meant to love you— wholly, would try to calm every bit of your storm and every bit of the excruciating moments that is meant to happen to you. To my profound love, my soulmate, my bestfriend, the freddie to my effy, the jesse to my celine, and the peter to my gwen, i love you.

Uh Hi?

I love you. I'm sorry if it took so long for me to say it back because I was scared. I was so so terrified of the idea of being the one in love. I used to think that I was a romantic, and a hopeless one at that. I used to think about how I wanted that great kind of love, something that was for the books and for those cliche romantic comedy that I am somewhat addicted to. But now, actually experiencing it first-hand, I am so scared. I felt ashamed and clueless. It was weird. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first because actually loving someone scares me. I didn't have any clue on what to do. You seem to know more about love so I felt like the bad guy because you have always told me that you loved me and you showed me quite a few times too. But I still haven't proved anything because like I said, I didn't know what to do.

August 10, 2015.
That's when I knew that I was in for it. That I was down for whatever it is that we have. I wouldn't call it a commitment or an exclusive relationship but it was something. You became my favorite habit. A habit that I couldn't quit even when I try to(trust me there were countless of times). It sounds corny but it is true.
Countless of times I was hurt. There were days when I could literally feel my heart throb. I knew that there were girls that you have loved in the past and the idea of having to think that they were better with you and you were better at loving them than me really ***** the worst in me. You were also so honest with everything and there were nights when I want nothing but to cry. Just cry. To be honest there was a time when I felt like giving up, that was when I didn't know how to love bad parts of you but now I realize that I have to love them too even when it hurts, even when it feels like hell because I love you. I love the idea of being in love with you because with whatever reason I have, all I know is that I have to keep going because you are one of the few people who actually makes me feel sane. I used to be a mess believe me. I used to hate life. I used to cry a lot. I used to want to be somebody else and exist in another place. I was in a dark place. I'm really crying right now because I hate remembering how I used to feel. I was so filled with love but at the same time I was empty. So so empty. I knew that there was a God, that there someone who could help me, believe me I've always tried. I was good at hiding so no one knew except for one person. But when I met you, all of the things that I used to feel, I was beginning to forget about them. Really. I am beyond thankful because going back here in the Philippines it made me realize a lot of things about myself and about the world I live in. I was thankful for everything that has happened. I fell in love with Jesus Christ all over again and it was honestly the best feeling ever. You somewhat inspired me in so many but little ways. At first what pulled me closer to you was your confidence, the moment I met you, you sounded like the guy who knew what to do, who was different. I know how I'm complicated and how I keep a lot of things but sorry because that's all I'll ever be. I can't promise to change but I swear that I'll try because know, at my young age, I want to experience having to unbottle myself for a person that I genuinely love. I'm not just doing it for you, I'm doing it for myself.

Let me introduce you to a girl. She is a girl that is full of life. You would see the joy and happiness illuminating in her eyes every time she would look at other people's genuine smiles. She was a strange girl. She was undoubtedly ineffable. She knew for a fact that she can be this person; this great unimaginable person that can move mountains and touch the sky. But she also knew that once she breaks; there is no going back. It will feel like an endless lightning bolt striking her to the core. The humming of a bird would no longer tickle her insides. The sound of cars beeping, the dancing of the plants will no longer touch her heart. It will be so much different that it will be so difficult to recognize her. It will be almost impossible to have her back again. But you know what the best part is? She will try. She will keeping swimming in the ocean no matter how much marine plants will tangle her down. She will swim back up almost effortlessly. She will fly; higher than the hawks. She will look forward and forward. Her optimism will almost frustrate you at times. She will keep telling people words that she wants to hear herself. She is almost hypocritical. She will continue to prove and surprise, Not because of the people around but because of herself. She wants to know that she can. Then when the time comes... she will get was she was aiming for, She will be okay again.

Now that I am over you, there is still a part of me that cares so deeply for you.
It is not literally the same but at least there is progress.
There will always be times where in I'll come across a poem and think of you; or hear a song that reminds me of you.
I know that I will always be here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on because It has been like that for the past years and I don't think that I can let go of all of that easily. But I am still trying. I know it is stupid of me to write about you again but at the moment? It is all I can do. It does hurts sometimes realizing that you didn't get what you wanted so bad but I guess that's just how life is. There will always be things that you won't have because you deserve greater. I am not saying that I was too good for him but maybe we weren't right. We weren't fit. Or maybe the timing is wrong.
And if you ask me what my heart wants right now?
I'll tell you I want nothing but assurance and genuine happiness.