It's said that a dog is "man's best friend."
To me they're a pain in the ****.
Usually, when I see a dog,
I see a mangy mutt.

Yipping, barking, slobbering, howling,
Shedding, pooping, and such,
Dogs are very high maintenance creatures,
Which can be a bit much.

I cringe when they run up to me
And want to spray them with mace
When after licking their rear, they try
To lick me in the face.

And cleaning up after them? My goodness!
It would make me gag
To pick up a giant pile of ****
With my hand in a plastic bag.

They can let the smelliest farts.
Granted, so can we.
But we can leave the room, or at least
Say, "Please pardon me."

And when they get sick, they crap all over
And ***** and make a mess.
It makes me want to throw up as well
And find a rapid egress.

Sometimes they'll ruin household items
By chewing on this or that.
And I will scream the loudest curse
Whenever I step where they shat.

Some dogs are much more tolerable
Than others, I'll admit.
If I pet one, I'm being nice
And not a hypocrite.

Dogs, I know, bring lots of joy
To people's lives. That's fine.
But I expect their pets to behave.
That's the bottom line.

I'm sure I'm in the minority
To feel the way I do.
But everyone has the right to share
His or her point of view.

Dog lovers will probably say
I'm just a grumpy old man.
Perhaps, but when it comes to dogs,
I'm simply not a fan.

-by Bob B (1-26-24)

It doesn't matter whether we
Are Christians--no, not one bit--
To celebrate the spirit of Christmas.
Believers need not have a fit.

The joy of love and giving and spending
Time with family and friends,
Of wishing happiness and peace,
Of letting go and making amends

All can permeate the day--
Not just the day, the season in toto.
Let the happiness be seen
In every charming holiday photo.

Show the spirit of love and compassion
To everyone of every creed.
Let us all find ways to give
Comfort and aid to those in need.

Let's not close our eyes to all
The suffering that's all around us
And not let people with hateful agendas
Harden our hearts or distract or confound us.

The holiday is a time to reflect
On love, acceptance, and understanding.
And may our efforts to stop all wars
Around the world be ever expanding.

That's the Christmas spirit that we
Can spread to all with heartfelt cheer,
And NOT just during the holidays,
But every day throughout the year.

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, or happy whatever to all!

-by Bob B (12-25-23)

Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson,
Now compares himself to Moses.
It's rather disconcerting what
His total self-aggrandizement shows us.

It's what he told Christian lawmakers.
Now he's waiting to cross the Red Sea.
How arrogant and delusional
Can a politician be?

Strangely, he said that God had spoken
To him when he was down on his knees.
He might as well have compared himself
With Paul Bunyan or Hercules.

It makes one wonder whether Johnson
Has been a bit too much on the sauce.
Will his ego grow so large
That he will nail himself to a cross?

Let him raise his rod and try
To part the waters. Wish him luck.
To tell the truth, Johnson seems
Less like a Moses and more like a schmuck.

-by Bob B (12-7-23)

(This poem can be sung to the tune of the 1922 song "Toot…Toot…Tootsie, Good-bye.")

Good-bye, Santos,° good-bye!
Wipe that tear from your eye.
The fraud you have committed
And other crimes from which you clearly benefited
Have caught up with you now.
That's why Congress said, "Ciao!"
Which means "so long."
I could be wrong,
But you won't find much favor if you sing your sad song.
Just you try to deny
What you did. So good-bye!

Good-bye, Santos, good-bye!
You think you're quite a guy!
How could your fans give you a nod
With all your lies and money laundering and fraud.
Are you really for real?
You have lost your appeal.
What will you do
Now that you're through?
Prosecutors probably are looking for you.
Will you eat humble pie?
Hope so, Santos. Good-bye!

-by Bob B (12-1-23)

°George Santos: former U.S. representative from New York's 3rd congressional district

I ran into Tom the Turkey again.
It's been a year since I saw him last.
He told me he was trying out
A recommended Thanksgiving fast.

"If everybody would fast today,"
He said, "wouldn't THAT be sweet?
They'd be healthier; instead,
They gorge themselves on turkey meat.

"The president can pardon turkeys.
That is something I'd like to discuss
With White House folks. If HE can do that,
Why can't he pardon ALL of us?

"It's getting harder for me each year
To find a place where I can hide.
I've tried to disguise myself, but that
Is awkward. You know I've got my pride.

"People are always making up stories.
Maybe I will do the same.
Spread the word: the meat from turkeys
Is bad and it will bring you shame.

"So it's not true. That doesn't matter.
My goal is to hoodwink and I can achieve it.
People who like conspiracy theories
Are gullible enough to believe it.

"In the meantime, I'm going to keep
A very low profile again today."
He waddled off, wishing me
A happy Thanksgiving anyway.

-by Bob B (11-23-23)

Let's be real. It's fine to be
Skeptical when others say
"God has given this land to us."
The appropriate response: "No way!"

One group says, "This land is ours!"
Another counters: "That's not true.
We believe it was given to us!"
And then fighting breaks out anew.

Using the scriptures to justify
The occupation of others' lands
Provides a shaky argument
And unsubstantiated demands.

When we ignore the allegorical
Nature of all religion, we lose.
So much death and destruction occur
When myths influence political views.

In truth, there is no Promised Land;
No one is a chosen one.
There is only the voice of reason.
Listen, and let its will be done.

-by Bob B (11-14-23)

Interestingly, it seems that Kentucky
Enjoys incredible satisfaction
In boasting the Ark Encounter, which is
A strange and bizarre tourist attraction.

Noah’s Ark--an allegory--
Is presented as history.
That folks believe the pseudoscience
Involved is a total mystery.

Misleading information awaits
People who choose to visit the park.
For example, replicas
Of dinosaurs are on the ark!

The park's creator believes that Earth
Really isn't so very old--
Only around 6,000 years.
He tries to prove it, so I am told.

What he's doing is misleading folks--
Brainwashing kids, or so it appears.
Dinosaurs predated human
Beings by millions and millions of years!

The structure itself might be amazing--
A massive work of art. Who knows?
But being something described in a popular
Tale is about as far as it goes.

The story of Noah is interesting;
However, depicting it as fact
Is an inaccurate practice, which
By logic and reason cannot be backed.

-by Bob B (10-30-23)