When things are looking bleak and your
Polling numbers are way too low,
Apply underhanded tactics
To vanquish your political foe.

Slowly dismantle the postal system.
Make the problem acutely systemic
By making it harder for people to vote,
Especially during a deadly pandemic.

Attack the system of voting by mail
By making it seem as though it's flawed.
Make your fans believe that it opens
The door to rampant voter fraud.

If TV stations run political
Ads that you don't like, subdue them.
Go after the smaller stations
In certain states. Simply sue them.

Force intelligence agencies
To bend the truth whenever you can.
Get the DOJ to help you
Muddy the waters: a perfect plan.

Continue to seek foreign help
To harm your opponent. Feel no chagrin.
And then stifle investigations--
Anything to help you win.

Say that the system is rigged against you
So that your fans will feel disgusted,
And then if you lose the November election,
Election results will NOT be trusted.

To hide your gross incompetence,
Sow the seeds of doubt and blame.
Get support from sycophants
In Congress--from those who have no shame.

Flout the rules and do whatever
You can to make your critics squirm.
Following all these beautiful tactics
Will help you secure a second term.

-by Bob B (8-12-20)

Although the Wrangler has left the ranch,
Within our hearts he'll be enshrined,
For now he's gone to the last roundup,
Leaving the rest of us behind.

The sky was the Wrangler's favorite rooftop;
Walls couldn't pen him in.
To him the slow destruction of nature's
Wonders was a cardinal sin.

The saddle was his poetry--
His homage to life, a living ode.
When not on his horse, you'd see him riding
His two-wheeled "horse" on the open road.

An expert storyteller he was.
How he delighted us with his tales!
His theory: a little embellishment
Never hurts when all else fails.

And write! How the Wrangler could write--
Each of his letters a work of art,
A masterpiece of expression, replete
With wit and charm that flowed from his heart.

Fishing, hunting, philosophizing,
Photography, and art to boot:
His varied interests, but interest in YOU
Was maybe his greatest attribute.

Sometimes when his patience dwindled,
He could lose it, and who could blame him.
His wife, Barrie, had to try
To tug on his reins to try to tame him.

A legend in his time, he was--
A striking presence wherever he went.
And spending money to help other
People--to him--was money well spent.

Although to the last roundup he's gone,
The Wrangler's lasting imprint survives.
As we say our good-byes, remember
How he enriched all of our lives.

-by Bob B (8-3-20)

Step right up, folks. You will see
That I have a product that's basically free.
The only cost--the only expense--
Is sacrificing your common sense.

Though SOME people give them a different name,
Conspiracy theories are my game.
They're quite easy to get behind
If you have a paranoid mind.

Misinformation can cause confusion
By relegating truth to the world of illusion
And make you think that wrong is right--
That white is black and black is white.

The more outrageous, the more far-fetched,
The more bizarrely the truth can be stretched,
The more my theories will gather force.
Yep, that's just a matter of course.

From PizzaGate to voter fraud,
Conspiracy theories--no matter how odd--
Will spread across the Internet,
Seeking out every space cadet.

Some of the craziest ones we've seen
Are focused on the spread of COVID-19.
The deep state myths are other ones;
Or the Dems are out to get your guns.

The president--one of my biggest fans--
Is such an asset to my plans.
As long as ignorance continues to grow,
My stories will continue to flow.

-by Bob B (7-29-20)

Hey, everybody! Just in case
You thought I was going away…WRONG!
There is so much more I want
To do before I say, "So long!"

I'm sure by now you know my name.
Some people call me Mr. C.--
The "C" being short for Coronavirus.
You must have seen me on TV.

I'm a social kind of guy.
Where there are crowds, I can be found.
You can do your best to ignore me
And act as though I'm not around,

But I rely on your assistance,
Whether you want to meet me or not.
I can easily find you if
You want me to. Give it a shot.

I like traveling around the world--
From country to country and city to city.
If I go before you get
The chance to meet me, more's the pity.

"Look what you have done to our
Economy," people say.
Economies, borders, age groups, gender:
I let nothing get in my way.

My meetings with some are quite protracted;
With some the encounter is short and sweet.
Excuse me now, for I must go.
I've got many more people to meet.

-by Bob B (7-24-20)

(This poem can be sung to the melody of "Strangers in the Night," by Bert Kaempfert, Charles Singleton, and Eddie Snyder)

COVID'S in the air.
It's so distressing.
Though we know it's there,
It keeps us guessing.
Keep avoiding crowds.
That's what is best to do.

Don't let down your guard.
Just keep on trying.
It is not that hard.
(And it beats dying.)
We must do our part;
The country counts on you.

We know droplets fall
When we talk and yell--
Especially aerosol--
When we laugh as well.
We have learned so much.
Safety is--as many say--
A scarf or simple mask away.

And since it's in the air
When we are talking,
And maybe lingers there
When we are walking,
We must all beware,
For COVID's in the air.

Safety is--as many say--
A scarf or simple mask away.

Since it's in the air
When we are talking,
And maybe lingers there
When we are walking,
We must all beware,
For COVID's in the air.

-by Bob B (7-12-20)

Trump says there's no reason we
Should keep our troops in Germany.
How does he know? 'Cause Putin told him so.

The G7 summit would be great
If Vladimir Putin could make it G8.
How does Trump know? 'Cause Putin told him so.

It never seems to matter
What Putin says or does.
Trump will always back
The tyrant just because.

Trump thinks it would be a boon
For Putin to visit the White House soon.
How does he know? 'Cause Putin told him so.

Bounties on our troops in Afghanistan
Couldn't, says Trump, be Russia's plan.
How does he know? 'Cause Putin told him so.

-by Bob B (7-2-20)

As cases of COVID-19 keep rising,
Denial is not the best solution.
Pretending the virus is not a threat
Won't bring about its diminution.

Talking about inflated numbers,
Calling it names like the "kung flu,"
Saying that it will disappear
On its own? Truly, the wrong thing to do.

When people don't heed the guidance of experts
And choose instead to rationalize
Careless behavior, they are allowing
Foolishness to wear a disguise.

Beating this virus requires that we
Work together and do our part
To implement the best and wisest
Practices--to do what's smart.

Maintain social distancing,
Avoid crowds in closed-in places,
And wear a mask when out in public.
We've GOT to stop the rise in cases.

If covering your nose and mouth
To you is a disagreeable task,
Instead of whining about your freedoms,
Just shut up and put on your mask!

-by Bob B (6-29-20)