Herman is known as a fussbudget cat.
When you observe him, right off the bat
You cannot help but notice that
He's ALWAYS sulky and cross.
He doesn't like to be nagged or disturbed.
His grouchy behavior cannot be curbed.
He is the kind who is always perturbed
If HE can't be the boss.

He likes being pampered if you obey
His orders, which means he MUST have his way.
He wants what he wants and expects no delay.
You've got to follow his rules.
He thinks that you are wrong and misguided
Unless your attention remains undivided.
People must do what he has decided;
They merely serve as his tools.

Sometimes you'll find him on top of a heap
Of clothes from the dryer, trying to sleep,
And lying there without making a peep.
If so, leave him alone.
For if you move him, boy will he howl,
Chatter and scold you and let out a yowl,
And let the world know that something's afoul,
With rage and fury full-blown.

If he's asleep on your favorite chair,
You MIGHT try to move him (though I wouldn't dare),
For if you do, you'd better beware.
He's not going to be happy.
His response will be very clear,
Far from subtle, and rather severe--
The very last thing that you'd want to hear.
And don't ask why he's so snappy.

At dinnertime, finding a meal
For Herman becomes a daily ordeal.
It can't be beef or tuna or eel,
Too wet, too soft or too hard.
It can't be greasy, slimy, too cold,
It can't be too fresh, nor can it be old,
And heaven forbid if the flavor's too bold.
Oh, and he also hates lard.

His cat box needs a daily cleaning.
Not to do so is very demeaning,
For Herman depends on careful preening
And asks, What about you?
Would you want to continue to go
In a toilet without flushing it? NO!
You can thus see why he's fussy, and so
You know the right thing to do.

Despite the bothered look on his face,
He wants to assist the human race
By letting us know that just in case
He can be of service.
Herman can catch a mouse in a flash,
Keep other critters away from the trash,
And scare away bugs when you open the sash,
Though rats can make him nervous.

If Herman's so owly, you might wonder why
People still love the obstreperous guy.
Well, there are times when he'll honestly try
To be a likable fellow.
He'll calmly lie on your lap and contently
Purr when you pet him ever so gently
And kiss your hand, which consequently
Proves he can sometimes be mellow.

-by Bob B (2-19-20)

The president's having a pardon party
To prove that he's a big wheel.
He's showing us that corruption here
Is NOT a very big deal.

Extortionists, swindlers, and liars
Now are going free,
While those accused of lesser crimes
Must pay a penalty.

Financial crimes are not a problem
For person number one.
Then let us see his tax returns
To see what HE has done.

In Trump's previous presidential
Pardons people saw
A whimsical and similar
Assault on the rule of law.

He wants to send a message to
His fellow partners in crime:
"Remain loyal to me and you'll
Avoid serving time."

And he claims he was concerned about
Corruption in Ukraine!
What a farce! Everyone knows
Corruption is HIS domain.

-by Bob B (2-19-20)

Miss Muffins is a corpulent cat--
A trait she hasn't really bemoaned.
However, she likes to see herself
Not as obese, but rather…big *****.

Big ***** she isn't. Let's be frank.
But BIG she is: twenty-five pounds!
Once she discovered la bonne vie,
She put on weight in leaps and bounds.

The first time guests encounter Miss Muffins,
Their comments might sound picayune,
For they remark in disbelief,
"I didn't know you had a raccoon!"

Miss Muffins, who is highly offended,
Would love to dash from the room in disdain,
But since her poundage limits her movement,
Such an attempt would be in vain.

As long as she can lie by the window
And warm herself with the rays of the sun,
She doesn't have a care in the world
And wonders what could be more fun.

It's been a few years since Miss Muffins
Could jump up onto the bed or couch.
Her last attempt: a complete disaster.
She hit the floor with a thud and an "Ouch!"

Now she merely sits by the sofa
And looks up at her masters and cries,
As if to say, "Help me, please;
You could use the exercise."

There she curls up into a ball
And dreams of manifold savory things--
Things like tuna, goat cheese, sardines,
Chicken gizzards, and turkey wings.

If a mouse enters the room,
She says, "Ah, Mousie, I'm not in the mood.
Go ahead and eat what you like;
Just stay far away from all of my food!"

The only time Miss Muffins will run--
Well, sort of--happens each day when
She hears her masters call "Kitty, Kitty."
She knows its dinnertime again.

After her meal, Miss Muffins finds
A comfy place in the house to rest.
According to her theory, that
Is how one lets her food digest.

When little children come to visit,
Poor Miss Muffins lets out a moan.
"Why," she asks, "do they have to tickle
And **** me? Make them leave me alone!"

The best way to win her affection
Is simply to give her something to eat.
You will become best friends forever
By offering her a tasty treat.

If, however, you give her a taste
Of something she hates, she'll be quite candid.
You will know that you have erred,
For you'll be severely reprimanded.

Every so often, Miss Muffins hears
Something that fills her with great disquiet:
When she's at her doctor's office,
A four-letter word is mentioned: diet.

"Ah, it's time to change the subject,"
Thinks Miss Muffins. "Lovely weather."
To counter unwanted suggestions, she knows
We all have to band together.

“Okay,” Miss Muffins now concedes,
"I admit I’m a weight-challenged cat."
She can accept that label, but
Whatever you do, don't call her fat.

-by Bob B (2-18-20)

Socrates, the professor cat,
Loves to teach and lecture.
Whether he gets his point across
Is sometimes merely conjecture.

When left alone for a period of time,
He'll meet you at the front door
Where he will greet you on your return
And also give you what for.

"Excuse me," he says in his feline way,
"But you would be obtuse
If you failed to see that your actions
Border on cat abuse.

"Yes, we're independent, BUT
Frankly, my dear, you seem
To want to exploit our autonomy
By taking it to the extreme."

He lectures for quite a while, for he
Wants you to do your best
When the time approaches for you
To take another test.

"You know we value promptness," he adds,
"And I don't mean to be rude,
But when our dinner is not on time,
We're NOT in a very good mood.

"Research, you know, is vital and your
Failure to study impedes
A total understanding of what
Constitutes our needs."

He constantly tries to teach you patience
And thinks your dedication
To knowing his mind for both of you
Is a win-win situation.

If you misplace something, such as
Your watch, your keys, or a ring,
He'll stare at you as if to say,
"Oh, you poor, poor thing."

When you're frazzled, his calm demeanor
Implies that you at least
Would benefit from the study of ancient
Wisdom of the East.

He likes to observe from afar as you
Go about your activities,
Ever watchful to see if you are
Developing harmful proclivities.

At other times he just sits back
To see how much you've learned
And tries to silently calculate
How much praise you've earned.

If he desires a tasty treat
And thinks that you're withholding
Something from him, you'd better watch out:
You'll be getting a scolding.

Admonishingly, he says, "Do NOT
Think my methods nefarious,
It's just that learning broadens your being.
Take it from THIS Sagittarius."

You think you're one step ahead of him--
At least so you assume.
But Socrates will let you know
Who is teaching whom.

-by Bob B (2-16-20)

What should Americans do when they see
The president tearing the country apart?
What should we all rely on to guide us?
What are solutions? Where do we start?

We can't rely on our institutions,
For Trump's destroying them one by one.
That makes it harder to stop the man
And his partners in grime. Pardon the pun.

We can't rely on the DOJ,
For Trump's henchman is running the show.
Barr is there to do Trump's bidding,
To cover-up truths as the scandals grow.

Can congressional oversight
Stop the megalomaniac?
No, not when the Senate is full
Of Trumplican toadies who have his back.

It's up to the people to take to the streets,
To march, make phone calls, show our persistence
In striving to stop this brutal assault
On democracy through passive resistance.

Voting, too, will be crucial
If there are freedoms you want to save.
Through apathy and blind allegiance,
What you'll do is dig your own grave.

-by Bob B (2-15-20)

Fiesta is the party cat.
She won't play second fiddle;
Whenever there's a party going on,
She is smack in the middle.

Shrimp cocktail and salmon croquettes--
That's what she prefers.
Don't abandon your plate or else
Fiesta thinks it's hers.

"A lot of cats are skittish," she says,
"And thus they have a bad rap.
I, on the other hand, don't mind
Sitting on anyone's lap.

"Of course, I have an ulterior motive
That guests don't always see.
When I give them attention, there's always
Something in it for me.

"When caviar is served, you'll find me
Walking on a cloud.
I must apply all of my charm
To butter up the crowd.

"I love it when guests rub my tummy
And tickle me under the chin.
When I smell clam dip on their fingers,
My head starts to spin!

"I must admit I have no patience
For guests who shout, 'Achoo!'
And then stentoriously blow their nose
And rudely tell me, 'Shoo!'

"The nerve of them to stifle my pleasure!
For me, goal number one
Is to enjoy each precious moment--
To live means having fun!"

As soon as the dancing begins, Fiesta
Finds a safe location
Far away from dancing feet,
For height is her limitation.

Fiesta waits to hear the hosts
Say, "Let's go to bed.
We can clean up the mess tomorrow."
Then she raises her head.

With everybody gone there's no one
There to scold or berate her.
She can survey each bowl and plate
To see what treasures await her.

"Sally Bowles was right," she says;
"Life is a cabaret!
Why can't my servants put on
A party every day?"

She eats till her stomach is ready to burst,
Heedless of any warning.
Everyone wonders why she is so
Listless in the morning.

-by Bob B (2-14-20)

Watch our mob boss president
Take an axe to democracy,
Bringing us another step closer
To what we'd call an autocracy.

Calling on AG Barr for help,
Trump shockingly intends
To put the Department of Justice to use
To harm his opponents and help his friends.

Trump has been politicizing
The DOJ for quite some time.
If you thought he was bad before,
Well, now he is in his prime.

Watch our spineless Senators
Turn their heads and look askance
As Trump defies the rule of law
And does his banana republic dance.

Career officials are resigning;
They can't take it any longer:
Watching Trump retaliate
And seek out ways to make himself stronger.

Woe to us if we can't stop
This maniac who's out of control.
Has America lost its will?
Has America lost its soul?

-by Bob B (2-12-20)