Finished growing up,
I still want to be a Baby
and have me a
perfectly bad Johnny.
Hot wire cars and
I pass those exams,
He'd make life full of glam-orous.

The lights are on,
I can see just fine.
If they were gone,
I still wouldn't be blind.

Golden rainbows
flow from her skull bone
Hands filled with metal
she takes a final bow
she never wants to settle
any of her scores
A thoughtless head
wavering a never ending war
That dies with his lead

Eyes drowning in mist
her hands curled in her lap
the shape of pointless fist
The strangers laugh
in unrecognized town
Funny at their low level
you're finally down
A clever devil
He makes no sound

A tired voice begins
Words she already knows
never repeated again
This time will hold

It's not what you deserve
It's what you believe
A self loving love;
Don't be deceived.

In pictures you look fine,

I was never on your mind.

Looked at pictures to find,

endless reasons you were never mine.

But now you look good,

and you look whole.

Do you miss what you sold?

Do you love, filled hole?

I am crazy,

but it'd be nice

to picture something hazy

turned to beautiful life.

Did it hurt,

having a heart broken first?

Were you left alone to deal?

Was it easy to heal?

I only looked alive
with a face of crumpled origami,
a heart broken
with no end pieces in sight,
and storms that water
dead flowers in a
garden of eve soul fit
for a queen.

I only felt a life
with a burning rage
and twice burnt sage,
evaporating ghosts
that try to haunt this home.

She had came back.
All she needed,
confined in one sack.
It's just you and her,
the rest is a blazing blur.

Lean in closer,
shift her posture.
Before the cold kiss,
lean in and whisper
against her lips,

"Come away with me.
We could be free.
We could whisper
over soft rock music,
existing just to do it.
We could both be blue,
just me and you.
If you want to breathe,
be a cold freak like me."

Tilt her head back,
dive in deep.
Sweep her off her feet,
bring her back down
to your earth to meet.

You're her love postion,
the one to set her mind
free of all motion.
Make her numb,
make her dumb.
But she will be happy,
happy under your thumb.

The lights are off,
I'm still home.

The lights are off,
but I'm not alone.

The lights are off,
everything is gone.

Maybe it was because
I couldn't find it in me.

Maybe it was because
I was high on endorphins.

Maybe it was because
I could smell it,
I just couldn't care.

Maybe I'll be an ***,
say it's because you're ugly.

Maybe I'll lie,
shake my hand way too much.

Maybe it just felt wrong
because I was no longer a home.

Maybe I just fill my time
with reading every line,

maybe I'm the coward.

Maybe I've been lowered,
never who I was meant to be.

Maybe I'm lost and
he is the found.

I give respect now
because I grew into a being.

He'll make a fool
out of you,
just another tool.
You change your hair,
forget he's the only one
to hold your stare.

Alone on a chair,
chaotic bed.
He'll fill your head
with pretty nothings
until you are fed.
Crash to the ground,
you're the only one
to hear it's deathly sound.

A charming pacifist,
you'll meet him on a list.
He'll steal your name,
play pretend it doesn't
make him just the same.

All the castles he's built around heads,
they'll come crashing down.
I would never frown.
Pick one or two up,
leave that dead town
finally.

I could've had my first kiss
at the age of sixteen.
A small space between
a church and a storage building
stuffed full of aged preteen
football padding.

I was told he liked me
by a cousin in science class,
caused me to laugh.
No one could possibly
like me around here.
Too much to handle,
infinite bliss.

I decided eighteen was the year
to have my first kiss,
he was my favorite dear.
In the back of a car,
I can still taste it in beer.

I wonder sometimes.
Would things be different
if we walked out of that small space,
red faced in moonlight
when asked by friends
why my face was so bright?
Go smoke that ****,
I'm such a giver.
Put your arm around me,
warm me from the cold air
coming from the river?

The way the sun
creeps over the mountains,
inch by inch covers
every single thing in it's wake
with a burnt gold tent.

The way waves
are pulled in like
the sea is breathing back in,
blows it back out,
crashes onto land.

The way a rainbow
is formed under the dark
skies of an ending rain,
shinning brightly after
it's ravish decay.

The way new birth
brings a new life
to this beautiful earth.

I hope life
is like this for you.
I hope you have
the chances to see
every beautiful sunrise.
I hope you enjoy
sand between toes,
the waves bobbing you
up and down.
I hope you survive
every storm that life
throws your way.
I hope you find
beauty in everything you touch.
I hope your life
is filled with different people
and all their different views.
I hope you enjoy
feeling new and different
experiences.

I hope you are
the sunrises,
the sunsets,
the rainbows,
the waves,
the life.

I hope you are happy.
I hope you are fulfilled.

Sit her down.
Ask her if she'd like a cup of coffee.
Eleven creams, ten sugars,
handful of ice.
Ask her how she's been,
don't listen to a word she says.

Follow her wandering gaze,
tell her you don't hate her,
say it loud enough.
Say,

"I don't hate you.
In fact,
I can't bring myself to feel anything.
Life would be better
if you just died."

Try to wipe the smile
off of your face instead
the tears of her fallen grace.
Let reality settle in,
let it hit her
that this wasn't what
she expected to hear.

Tell her how she hurt you,
rub it in. Rub it into
the bone marrow of
all her half broken bones.

"You're not worth the time,
you're not worth a single day.
You should consider
ending it all.
Save some unfortunate and
unexpected soul the trouble
you bring with your fake smile."

Let her mind wander for miles,
let it really sink in.
You never wanted anything from her, you don't see
anything in her.

"I don't hate you,
I really don't.
I just wish I never
had met you."

And you get up.
You go, you walk out the door.
You've done it to her before.
But this time,
you know she won't be
coming back around
on her ugly knees,
bothering something
that means nothing.

Deep in thought,
mind rushes to what I could
not have bought.
You take me there,
warm my body,
fill my head with buzzing air.
Life full of ******,
you never dared to care.

Metal with finger tips,
you were the bestest,
my favorite trip.
In the ocean blue,
the same color of your tin,
I wait for only you.

Dive in, dive deep
in darkest blue, my sweet.
Rushing up from the water where the ice meets.
And you've been gone so long,
you missed everything.

The inability to find
an inkling of humanity
in the depths of your snide,
it's resentful.

The inability to find
any common sense
in the waves of my mind,
it's distasteful.

The inability to find
any reason for rhyme
in this sickly tight bind,
it's remorseful.

A black hole,
that's all you're gonna know
if you go down this devilish road.

He'll bring you down,
you don't know
what you're going around.

Realizing it will break your heart.
Moving on will not be the hardest part.
It's understanding they were right from the start,
so let it tear you apart.

A heart that lives inside a jar,
a lightening bugs light
that cannot be seen
through the bruised tar.

Every chance encounter,
a new puncture
in the tin lid center.

One of these times,
one stab too many,
it will leave a
big enough hole to shine.

Flying out in a lunge,
illuminating half beating
and blacken lungs.

Shinning through pores,
it will have finally found
it's favorite score.

Ours will dance,
lighting up that special
part near a branch.

Singing gay and mary,
we will help with
heavy luggage to carry.

Brightening the darkest days,
we will bring forth
what's worth to stay.

I don't know who you are,
or where you lay
and how far.

But someday,
you will bring a light
that dissolves even
the deepest of hollow scars.

I can't wait to hold you,
I can't wait to love you.
If you're wondering about me,
just look at the stars.

We could cruise,
go about sixty seven.
Sing soft blues,
you sound like heaven.

Wind in my hair,
you can take me there.
Blue skies above
match the metal around
my feet,
a sign of love.

Hand on my thigh,
no reason to cry.
Seashore lullaby,
a feeling not worth a fight.
Going up and up,
the stars linger in
my favorite cup.

Blue silk ribbon on ice,
burning it up.
Don't stop now,
I already blew on dice.

I knew this boy once
He was nice from the start

He'd skip class
Go smoke cigarettes in the grass

He had strict parents
Went to church just to prove

He was a real game changer
Until he said goodbye

All it took was
Telling him about my thighs

I would love to tell him
Just how that made my eyes sigh

I didn't know the kid for long
But that was the start of
a lifelong aching song

If I could I would
Take a knife and
Slice off everything until
I'm the ideal beauty
Perceived by social structure

But what could he
Possibly do to change
The way he views
Himself and the ones
He brings down to his level
By calling them fat?

They have always
fascinated me.

Whether it was
the exotic colors,

Their ability to
show up everywhere,

The clumsiness of
their take off,

Or the peculiar noise
when they would sing
their known song.

Intrigued by this all,
what I really admire most is,

How they can stand
on just one foot
without the fear of falling.

Fear of death
is all it takes.
One last breath,
trying to pass another day.
In you,
I will stay.

I asked my grandmother
how old she would be.
She looked me dead in the eye and said,
"I will be a young thirty three."
I threw my head back and laughed,
hugged her neck and kissed
her fading hair.
I cry for the things I wish I had,
I cry for the things said behind my back,
I cry for the things they thought I lacked.
I cry for the things that fill
my ever growing sack
of pretentious failure,
I cry for the things I hope the future brings.
But she is always there
for every single thing.

I remember the first guy
that I had ever wanted
to make me into art
with his finger tips

He was annoying and loud
nasty and grungy
He was somewhat disrespectful
to my dad
and that fuiled a fire of desire
so roaring and blue
that even one touch
would have consumed every inch
of every city and meadow inside him

He was a skater
with a mohawk to boat
A hot gothic style
HeHe'd lift his shirt to wipe
sweat off his forehead
Revealing his happy trail and
that special v
Sitting on the concrete floor
even the coolness from it
couldn't even calm my heat
at that moment

He was a few years older
smoking cigarettes in the back
He'd only pay me mind
when I tried acting offended
by his rude behavior
He'd laugh when I got flustered
and go back to his cool friends

And I went back to
the good godly girl
I would've ditched to partake
in his afterglow

To hold is to cherish
To taste is to ravish
You're not the sociable
acceptance for the beauty of perfection
You are you
You are mythical
In the way you behold
Present is this moment
All alone
One face to the past
One face to the future
Climbing you will find
You're better than
What if someone walks in
And you are better than
Any skinny thing
And all the *******
That they make
And ones they call babe
Love yourself
Love yourself and you will find
That you will only ever truly be
Good enough for you and absolutely only
You

They come in the dead of night,
seeking feast to fill their black soul.
With a fast wit and hefty might
they circle fences,
running their claws against metal,
waiting to feel whole.
They come in the form of
a cruising metal red,
black as the charcoal
they pretend to dig,
and brown the shade of eyes
that roams from bed to bed.
They leap and they growl,
tearing through fur
making crimson red blur.
The slice of skin,
the crack of bone.
'That coat will mesh nicely with
the colors in my den,'
thought the farm hand
as he holds his gun like
a killer whales fin.

You can't teach an old dog
new tricks,
is what they say.

But I wouldn't want to
teach my old dog anything
close to new anyway.

I'm not a fan of most dogs,
but mine's the cutest.
Loyal and guarding,
barks at only threatening animals
in the night.

We play catch and keep up,
walk along rocky boarders.

My best friend
knows how to close doors,
shake your hand
and sit like a good girl.

Been there for me,
heartbreak and tears.
Put head in lap,
role on back
and smile,
act like a cat.

She's the best.

I wish I could
creat art like
the art people creat
out of a thought
formed by me.

I wish someone
would fill me
with beautiful art,
like I did with those
who found no use in it.

I wish I could
be some form
of a magical art,
the kind that brightens
even the coldest
of ugly hearts.

She is a fire,
she doesn't need a man.

Full of desire,
she creates ships with sand.

Horns of survive,
she knows how to take stand.

Cold selfishness slams,
she's a child of Ram.

Undoubting strength,
she knows what is deceit,
she knows what to conceive.

Taken for granted,
she'll show you a hell slanted.

It's not sensible
to love you like this.
You're cold silver kiss,
impair my peripheral.

I could spend
forever like this.
An easy depend,
short life of bliss.

Why'd you run
and go hide,
Mr. Born-To-Lose?
Eyes try to find,
come up empty
with the darkest blue.

Like your loving foam,
I spread myself out
and begin to roam.

There was nothing to lose,
nothing to choose.
I had finally found you,
my favorite shade of blue.

Ice cold to the touch,
you warmed my cold heart
ever so much.

Golden butterflies,
pink roses.
You were better than
the ones I let in,
even the ones close.

She's a busy girl
but still finds the time
to let people's hearts shine.
Throwing jokes around,
she enjoys hearing
the loving laughter sound.

She's a joker,
a believer,
a toker,
a dreamer.

She makes you believe
everything she types
with her finger,
but doesn't stay long
to watch the destruction
she leaves behind linger.

You desired me
to understand,
wanted me to
be a friend.

You turn your back,
overlook the drowning hand.
You wanted revenge,
you wanted it
to be an end.

Begging to believe,
you got the best of me.
I was the change,
you moved forward
but still stuck in same.

To be victor,
you long for
the moment to leave
the final lasting mark.
The kind to
illuminate in the dark.

You get what you get,
that's a funny saying.
Who will give you
what you give,
if what you give is outlash
from the payback
of what you got
from what you gave?

You're sitting high and mighty,
up above in that head.
What'll happen when
you're the one left for dead?

You and me,
we litter these streets
of a decaying mans mind wander.

A crack of a finger,
make our spine quiver.
Pollute our liver,
spin the head
with stars that linger.

Wake with fever,
you're a man
with no soul believer.

We miss this love,
trapped under a thumb.
You filled our nights
with endless wonder,
our days with
unquenchable hunger.

We visit you some.
A loud thunder,
a mind that is
filled with lifes fumble.

Where are you, my dear?
Why'd you go, love?
You were better than
any heaven above.

When something he says
brings up moments past
that play in your head,
does your eye twitch?

He must touch you better,
***** you heavier.
Does he love you just as clever?
Does he write you beautiful letters?

My love for you died
in the backseat of his car.
Just wish I could learn
to stop breathing life
into our scars.

You see,
my love for you died
when you brought storms
to my face in a way
I never knew still existed.
I thought my life
had hit the rockiest of bottoms,
giving no reason to mourn
like that again.

But the day I thought
would've never come,
was the day I realized
I was no longer you're favorite sun.

Crying over words
a boy never said
Pick yourself up
and drag your feet to bed.

You're a disaster
a horrid distaste
You're a laughing matter
a being of the aftertaste

Choke on words that
burned down paths
Lay around and never eat
I'm sure you'll lose that fat.

Don't treat lighty
always look back
If anyone wanted
where are they at?

You're a knowledge
of a lost coward
You would have
already ended it
if you had the power

You said this is
how it has to be,
this was the end of
you and me.
I couldn't help but laugh,
throwing my head back.
You were never there,
so how could this be
the end of something
which was never fair?

You can say
that the pain won't last.
You can say
pretty words so fast.
You can never say
that you're a ******* human.

Beat-box and singing the blues,
he haunts these streets
with tethered clues.
What'll happen when
no one is willing to play,
finding better values?

You can say
that the pain won't last.
You can say
pretty words so fast.
You can never say
that you're a ******* human.

Not the most appealing,
not the brightest.
But I give life
to the extreme line
of finest.
I didn't waste my time.
Between the obscured lines,
you would have actually seen
everything else was exactly
as it seemed.

Reading every word,
you can easily find
I don't have masks to hide behind.
A s k m e a n y t h i n g,
I'm an open book.

The way to see past
a forsaken haze,
I try to find the ability
to linger in a maze.
My mind echoes
with cryptic beats,
a soft padding of wondering feet.
Up and down,
I look around.
Not everything is made for me,
but everything is not as it seems.
On the brink of a hinge,
a distaste for sick revenge,
a sick pastime for the infamous fame.
I wear rose-colored glasses at night,
I don't have much to live for
ever since I found my name.

I fight to not let it bring me down,
I smile knowing I pass a mind.
To not have meant much,
it's a pleasure to be remembered.

Under constant grey,
imagine laughter and running free.
Curly hair, vanilla twilight.
He was always there,
even the worst of nights.

Big bug eyed,
he could see through the
'it's okay' lies.

Soft hands, smooth face.
The crook of his neck,
tranquility and blissful peace.

He's a constant reminder,
learn to love life and its flow,
take everything in slow.

He's a remedy,
the kind for even the most broken of souls.

He's the wind, he's the rain.
He's the snow on all of my bones,
he's the place known as an old home.

Paint a picture with your words.
Pain a picture of how much it could've hurt,
how much it would've been worth it.
Is it the beauty of the beholder
or just another line from a proof read folder?

Paint a picture of bluish swirls.
Paint a picture of how it twirls.
You could hold the world in your hand,
just give it a chance.
Do you want to miss that dance?

Paint a picture of what could be.
Paint a picture for your heart to see.
Don't look back,
just keep going.
People will try to bring you down,
but don't ever let them see you frown.

I can write words light as a feather,
I can write words to darken and enrage the inferno of your weather.
I am just trying to find my way out of this old leather.

Bumps and turns,
rocky avalanche and potholes,
they help form this road.
Forever taking it slow,
wanna enjoy the show.

He sees her.
A dwindling spark of a flame,
never had the chance to know the worth of her own name.
She almost did once.
He doesn't care.
Lifetimes ago another he
would paint galaxies on her porcelain skin.
Intertwined as one,
she would have danced with him forever.
In a life of unfortunate events
and bad decisions with no room for amends.
She reaches for something akin to a home.
Empty handed,
she dances to the soft beat of a lonely heart.
Basking in the blue string hues,
alone in burdened room.

I can forget
the things people say,
five minutes later
I'll ask to repeat
what was said.

I will call you anything
but I'd much rather
call you what was hand made.
Just keep talking,
please stop looking away.

I forget to lock doors,
I lose track of
blue things
I broke on the floor.

Is that rubber band
helping you from having
a sore hand?
Well, did it?
It's easy to throw away things,
you're pretty fond of it.
That's a memory to never fade.

Squinting to focus,
a mystery of hocus pocus.
I was an action
without thinking,
I was a lie
without blinking.

Reading between lines,
anyone can do it.
I'd give you what you want,
but nowadays my heart
is hard to find.

Leaving trails
of long flaxen hair,
she scurries away and
wishes them fair
in the game she loves to play.

The trail leads back
to a room with
one vacant chair,
across the table she sits
with a vacant stare.

Hand fluctuates between
tapping nails on flat surface,
inhaling cancer to
sooth some comfort
and itching a scratch
too far down her back.

The walls lined with
crimson velvet,
they never collapse.
Each pump of blood,
they expand and
close in with lost content.

She runs her hand
through her soft hair,
she'll be bald by
the time he gets there.
She finds it worth it
when they finally take a stand.
Do a little dance
in the rhythm of their preference.

She cracks a smile,
rolls her eyes.
One of these days,
one of the hundred thousand strands
will lead a boy to hold her hand.

Someone to watch grow as a man.
Someone to help her learn to understand.
Someone to make life long vows.
Someone to show her how to
fix the weight in her brow.

Years to make this moment,
brought down by some
not so unwitting as perceived.

If you'd like,
we could buckle this belt
in a nice forming circle.

Find me in my section.
My soulless feet
find contentment in
the ones with blues and purples.

Don't be daft, mister.
And tell my kin-folk
to not be mean to a sister.
Taking advantage of things
seems to run in this family.

The same piece of foam,
embedded with moments
that long ago roamed.

Heart died on it
with his reassuring words.
Everything will be okay,
this is for the best.

First taste of the
love that we once felt,
before gasps and yelling.
Faces making paint
merely melt.

Hand placed on chest,
clawing to see if
anything could have been left.
Roses between thighs
that never bloom from
the imperfect things
that dreaded eyes
always shy away.

Memories fade but
come back to life
with the simple
turn of the body,
flick of a hand.
Another night to
reminisce and to
fill head with play pretend.

A liability,
she causes destruction
with the way her hands softly
touch the skin of those
she longed to
have.

She's a firefly.
It doesn't take much
to get to her why.

I let her out,
roam around,
being able to prowl.

It's a raised eyebrow,
devil smirk that
does the work.

Was it asked what
the problem was?
Was it silence?
Was it,
"Don't worry, sit tight.
You're gonna make
me a beautiful bride"?
Maybe it was,
"No sweat, no strife.
I'm gonna ruin a life."

She just likes to
fond at it lovingly.
A memory of a math book,
one word greeting.
She could tell he was
already high.
A memory of what never
could have ever been.

It's simple, honestly.
If he wants you girl,
he'd have already
given you his world.