I encountered two addicts today.
One didn't even attemp to hide it
As she spaced out, listening to me
She licked her fingers and touched my change,
I almost wanted to complain
But I didn't

I have been there before,
Numb to the world,
Wanting the next fix
Slow movements and slurred words

Smack!
Like the ant size of my worth,
Crush it on the counter

And out of the 700 things you could have said,
You said that.
I'm sure somewhere written between the pages
That I spit on, yelled at, cried on, punched and scratched
It says for you to do it

I am an addict myself,
The only unconditional love I have ever found
Hardly asks for anything,
Is faithful through and through
The coldest of loves but keeps me warm,
Keeps me alive

But there's other addictions that's worse,
Far more dangerous
And that's where you fall

Because I remember you too
And you are far different from back then

My ant sized worth has been squished and kicked around,
Forgotten, regretted, hated
I am laying on my back in this ocean of life,
And I almost get to shore until the smallest of waves
Breaks on my face and fills my mouth
And I am drowning,
Lost in everything wrong and everything that could be right


But you are not alone

You keep up the work, baby.
You're a real crowed pleaser.
Bite that toung, not that food.
And you can finally see it.
That face is thinner,
Those fingers overlap more.

You're on the right track, girl.
You a bad baby with a whirlwind storm.
Two years top,
Buy that couch.
Find that stranger and make it obvious.

A colorful accent,
Rosy cheeks,
Lopsided smile.

Let him feel those hipbones, sweet thang.
Do some ******* or ecstasy on that bone,
His choice because it is.

Bounce and you grind it, baby girl.
**** that neck and watch the sun rise.
Tell him. Demand him to listen.

"You see, I was never enough.
Never for the flash of cameras,
The holy trinity of delusion,
The fear of opening up.
I was a child, working for some kind of love."

And you smile because he's about to ******.

"Life is about compromising for the one you love."

You hop off, yiu throw him to the gravel.
Dump that lighter fluid, sweet child.
You use your last bit of strength to lift it up.
Toss that **** over the cliff.
Flick the match to follow.

And you look up.
The sun is up.
The wetness on your face dries.

Fold up the childish things,
Compromise with the ones you love.

One of these days,
You'll be good enough to be engaged too.

Nephew*
That's the name of the game.
Nose Go
That's how you start.
One two worded hint
Worthless ******.
The rules are simple.
There is only one rule
It's a delight to break,
Hard to forget when implanted.
You can collect dust in your room
Or spend time with your family.
You can explore,
Foot accessible form.
You can do anything.
But you can't sit around and play rewind.

Of the strob lights,
Hands in the air.
She's a queen working hard for that money.
And you sit alone,
Drink the nastiest thing to ever be created.
You go home alone to the sound of a scream.
Dear God, here.
Take it. Take the ******* pack,
My father's car.
Point me in the direction to hit restart.

But not the point of laying in his room.
Dusty and grimy,
He can't even stand the sight of you.
But when he blows smoke into your mouth,
It's the only thing you have sustainable.
So you hold on.
And you walk in the summer heat,
You lose that weight.
But he isn't there.
And your eyes twitch.
No glass table is as fragile as your reputation.
And you're sitting in your yard,
The sun's going down.
It makes a grey and blue hue.
But not the same kind.

So let's go back more.

You're fourteen and you grab your crotch.
He rolls his eyes,
It's just a front.
He ties the knot and sits down.
There's so much to learn about him.
So you get up.
You follow him to the porch.
Is the rain cold?
Is the birds chirping?
Does your weight cause the gravel to squish louder?
You don't know.

Do you not get addicted to drugs?
Do you go to college?
Do you eat healthier?
Would you have been enough?

Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.

You bite your lip as he stands up,
Illuminated by the grey and blue flooding her room.
He was a ******* God to your innocence.
But you don't follow him.
The puff of cool morning air and the rain,
It would have been bigger than his.

And now?
  *Now you walk alone

Some people find God
Smoking a cigarette,
I found him in the way
I made them laugh
And it comes in the forms of colors
Like blue and green,
Brown and a slight tent of red
But it doesn't matter,
At least not most of them
Because it doesn't matter what I do
I will never know what it feels like
To know if you would have loved
Every color in me

I know you're somewhere out there
You're just not here

And that speaks volumes

It's day one
Excluding New Years Eve
Because hey,
It's been a hell of a ******* year

And there's no pieces left to piece
Just the resounding of
No one cares anymore
Replaced and forgotten
Remainder of a ******* notebook
That has zero substantial meaning
To who I am today

Except for you
And you make it hard
To let it go

It's you and I know
It's branded into my soul
That I was a careless *******
Because

*******

Look at you and it
Doesn't even
Matter

Because look at me

Remember me?

Yeah,

I don't either