I want to rip things apart
Tear pages from the spines of books
Unearth the white roots of plants
My urge to destroy is so deep
The only thing I destroy is me

My tummy hurts
I can't sleep
My head hurts
I can't let him go

11:11
Strikes the clock,
I close my eyes tight and start.
This is the really hard wish.
The one that never will be.
But I still try every night at
11:11

Every now and then,
My heart latches on.
Another person,
Fascinating my mind.
But reciprocation
A hard thing to come by.
Leaving me lonely,
Disappointed even.
This is not their fault.
I am a leech.
Energy gained from others.
It can't be helped.
But it will cost me.

Mark, mark, mark
I put:
My doodles.
My words.
My name.
Just so someone knows
I was here.

"I'm fine" This long told lie
Finally true these last few weeks.
But fine is a state not worth living in.
Fine is subpar food and bad tv.
Fine is 8 hour days, five days a week.
Fine is friends of friends, not quiet lonely.
I want more. I want the pain back.
Or joy untold. I want highs and lows.
Not this middle ground so many settle for.
I don't want my headstone to read,
"Her life was fine."