There’s something I’ve learnt about satisfaction. That it’s easy to find purpose in satisfaction instead of satisfaction in purpose. The former results in having your heart and soul and body thrown down to be shattered, melted to a pulp, milder and shattered again and again and again.
Painful as it sounds, it soon becomes a habit.
Here is why, to me at least, finding purpose in satisfaction is wrong, well who really cares what’s wrong or right, it just freaking hurts. This state is something I like to call pendulum satisfaction.
Life is a huge *** string attached to a pivot, who is pretty much the only thing that keeps the universe running. Right at the end of this inextensible string called life is basically a bob. A bob consisting of whatever you make life to be on this planet. Hopes, dreams, beliefs, faith, rejections, disappointments, pain, failures, bitterness and society’s expectations in general. Once attached to the string of our nebulous ambiguous potential in life, picks up a direction and paces under the gravity of reality and general laws of physics (fr tho)
Once that motion begins it builds up momentum leaving us swinging back and forth. To and fro, where we reach a form of satisfaction for a nanosecond in comparison to the distance we end up traveling to achieve as such. This kind of movement leaves us high with the feeling of achievement for an instant, then brings us back to square one, by that thing called gravity, continuously all the freaking time, no exceptions. Yet it spurs us to push ourselves to the other side of the mean position in hopes to reach a new level, to reach a kind of satisfaction. Each time trying and striving to reach a point higher than before.
In vain of course, because just like an actual pendulum, the highest point is reached only initially and unless it swings in a perfect vacuum and ideal environment, resistance, weight and gravity will only reduce the highest achievable points in either extreme. Thus the heights decrease with each swing, reducing momentum and energy. Little by little, swing by swing. Till eventually you’re left at a draw with no force or inertia to get you anywhere, kinda like how death can be, and I’m not talking about the physical kind.
What then? Metanoia or metamorphosis or should I simply drop the ball and move on, purposeless?
I’m stuck here, in this pendulum satisfaction and I can’t seem to do anything to get out.
However, I do know what I want, it is to change this pendulum into a yo-yo. Have that bob of what I make of this world and allow to rise up and come down, through and through in my life, in equilibrium, consistency and purpose. Not just in one plane or direction but to receive it in all its fullness and purpose.
Now what must be done to achieve this satisfaction in purpose ?
This flimsy thread I call life needs to be shifted from the tip of this bob of purpose to its centre, and somehow find the way to get it to climb up and down, held by the pivot, who is pretty much the only thing that keeps this universe running.

Always know there’s room to grow
And God will walk with you, through every storm.
Through seas of turbulence and deserts dry.
He’s your constant, when everything’s changing.
He’s the rock that can never be shaken.

What I want is a traveller.
No, not even a traveller who goes the further distance, for the longest time.
Just one who will be willing to cover miles and spend endless seconds with me.
What I want is a thinker.
No not even the deepest or the wildest of spectrum.
Just one who’ll broaden mine.
What I want is a fighter.
No not even the strongest, toughest or best at battle.
Just one day who won’t allow me to forget the purpose of fighting.
What I want is a believer.
But no, not one of little.
But one who’ll crack perspectives, defy gravity, induce love, dance in storms and build dams in deserts.

I’ve taken the plunge. The full thing. No stone undone. No strings attached. What now? Complete and utter faith, says the soul.
I’ve taken the plunge. The full thing. No stone undone. No strings attached. What now? Failure and brokenness is all that’s left, says the heart.
I’ve taken the plunge. The full thing. No stone undone. No strings attached. What now? Your preconceived plan will unravel in time, says the mind.
I’ve taken the plunge. The full thing. No stone undone. No strings attached. What now? A hopeless and devoid state of life, says the body.
I’ve taken the plunge. The full thing. No stone undone. No strings attached. What now? What now? What now?

What happens when your mind had fooled you, that you, you are in love?
First, you’re driven with purpose and passion and faith, in what you believe in, in the unknown, even on the great.
Two takes you further than you thought you have ever gone. Maybe, just maybe, the impossible can be won.
Three, leaves you hanging but still gives you a taste of sweet honey.
Four, gets you thinking hey maybe cake isn’t best? Maybe it wont sustain? Maybe it wasn’t meant to be?
Five brings new found knowledge of, but it is the best! it has to be.. it does sustain! it had so far. And it’s meant to be! isn’t it?
Six is a downer. Reality hits and you wish you’ve never loved. You wish all you ever had was anything but it.
But even after centuries, life doesn’t seem to work that way now does it?
Human nature never changes, it’s behaviour floats around and in a blend of shadowed minds and blinded hearts tosses the dice of six sides, only to end up back in square one.

I’m sorry. I blamed you for everything and anything that hit me like a bullet. But the truth is, you don’t deserve that. Just because you were the first to shoot your loaded gun, doesn’t mean you set free the canons that followed.

It took years and years
It took pain and hardships
It took failures and more failures
It took pricked backs and bruised hands
It took broken bones and yes it took your whole heart

But someday did arrive
Oh and when it did
You soared baby so high
You could finally fly

The tighter you hold, the further it goes.
You’re deep in love, deep in ****.
But what’s holding your heart?
Your mind, your soul, your spirit.
No not a boy, not even a man.
No not a story, not even a chapter.
No not a letter, not even a word.
No it’s nothing, not a single thing?
At least not a thing to grasp,
By this vast, passing world,
Of vain ambitions and strife.
It was a moment, that made things seem right.
Can’t be caught through a lens
Or penned by ink
Or spoken through a voice, as you would think.
It’s a moment and you let it pass by.

can’t remember what this one was about

I sometimes wonder if you thought it was all worth it
The risk the chance the rush the dance

You’ll never be while and baby neither will I
That place we had can no longer be occupied
Except with broken memories stitched together with bitterness

But to me it was all still worth it
That spark gone away?
Was given for the best
That flame that died?
Died with purpose
That love lost?
Will always be found in you

Your pain has been captured for reality to accept
Post it in some comical depressive fountain of art and let everyone find another forum that provides a reflection of their soul

Burning bright shining through
I dimmed my light to be with you
Your feathers formed wings
Bound together with make shift glue

You see Icarus I loved you
And you loved me too

But we were never meant to be

How could you stay close,
Without burning?
How could you be with me,
Without losing your wings?

And how could I be me,
Without ruining  you?
Or serve my purpose,
Without hurting you?

But the closer you got
Your feathers began to drop
Sending you miles down
And me wishing I was anything but the Sun

Neither of us deserve that.
So now you fly through cloudy skies
While I hide behind my veil
Peeping once in awhile to see you my love
For that is all I need

Would you ever give up, known happiness?
In the hopes of a kind that will sustain you longer?
Only to bring every bit of you through a shredder.
And you’re left broken and tattered.
Would you ever give up, something known?
In faith you’ll be given the better, from the unknown?
Would you give up, pure love?
For one you thought to be more true?
Would you give up?

But yeah it’s only a cover up for some brilliant unraveling