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The soul of gold
Shining within you
Has rusted over
Nothing lasts forever
But that heart of stone
You built for yourself

So I guess I can't believe you
When answers slip out your mouth
To fill my eager mind with filth

I must be delirious to hear you anymore
When you whisper nothings into my body

All I ever knew was broken
Until you fixed me once
Enough to manipulate
These bones towards demise
748 · Oct 2011
jk
jk
Closeness is the key
When you refer
To you and me
For our lives have not strayed
From each other's paths
Even when lights did fade

Our bond is unique
To say the least it is
An ever-winding creek
Twisting and turning
Digging deep into banks
For the secrets we are unearthing

So as time moves on
We remain the same
Even past our eon
Into centuries not our own
We carry on in this world
Never fearing to be alone
748 · Jul 2011
Lost In My Lonely Soul
Bleeding and crying,
My soul expires itself.
Outside, I seem normal, at least,
That's what they say.
Perhaps it's a lie to ensure
That I am kept in the dark.

The dark is my friend,
But my worst enemy.
My insides are torn
Seeping my soul away.
The darkness invaded,
After I lost my light,
Consuming me to survive.

I try to portray me,
But the dark interferes,
Showing itself for all to see.
I know it's not normal
To want to rip apart your soul,
But I can't find
Myself anymore.
737 · Oct 2011
Nature's Vengeful Course
Air crisp
              Plants show
                                  
River swift
Crushing as I stamp
Boots pushing on Earth
Mud holds tightly
Ripping from Nature
Her grip now *broken

Stumbling in awe
Mother Nature's beauty
Blinding & killer
Lost in this place
                                                           ­   Trees push me
                         Slip silently into the flow
*Riding these rapids
724 · Mar 2011
Dying For A Smile
That smile, oh that smile,
Forever haunting my brain
That smile, oh that smile,
Marking me with it's glowing stain.

Willingly, I walk slowly,
Through torturous flames
Towards my goal, so daily,
Playing any wicked game.

That smile, oh that smile,
Worth any lasting pain.
That smile, oh that smile*,
Drives me utterly insane.

If you knew what that smile
Creeping up on your face
Does to make me stay awhile
In hopes, you, my arms will enlace.

That smile, oh that smile...
Every time I make you smile, my heart beats madly...
712 · Jun 2011
Tattered Beauty
Colors everywhere
Flapping madly
The wind  exposing true colors

Trying so hard
Yet always a struggle
Beauty comes with fragility

Your wings have been torn
Ripped and bent
Fluttering rapidly to remain afloat

In hopes to capture you
As you have me
I shield you from further harm
Themed from another's poem.
Echoes emanate from within me
Sorrowful and hateful sounds
From deep within, they exude
Keeping my soul fully drowned

If you listen to this harsh noise
Words can soon be made out
From grumbles of a hollow soul
Chanted like a deranged devout

Vibrating my being so violently
I no longer control emotions
Erupting from me in random bursts
T'was, coursing through me, a poison

Dying more and more each day
I want to fight and remain
But, this world seems to have forgotten
What others look like in pain
Fog, thick as blood, surrounded me
Blinding and menacing as it swirls
Containing the hate and pain
Forced upon my soul, unfurled

Through my smokey confines
A light seemed to flash
A trick my mind creates?
Or could it just be the ash?

With a sudden rush of air
The fog was swept far, far away
In its place were shadows too tall
Making me give up today

A hand reaches for me
But, I am too scared
It is shrouded in darkness
Like the eyes that stared

But, what is this?
The hand reaches my chin and lifts
I look up to see a strange sight
An unexpected and loving gift

Friends now surround me
They were never menacing or dark
So, I am not really alone
For my life renews from their spark
706 · May 2012
Our Daughter
Taught of our scars
And life’s many pains
She will be lifted beyond
Our tattered remains

Brought into this life
As a gift from above
She saves us for good
As a product of love
705 · Apr 2014
All Ye Sun
Knowingly filled to the brim
Tears crumpled within
Beneath the pain
You continue to swim
Onward towards the light
Shining deep down inside
That black circle of vision
Shows your future is bright
And nothing can drown you
In this tide of mayhem
Ripping through it all
While you stay true
You All Shine
Allyson
698 · Feb 2013
I Told You Who I Am
Focus. Focus. Please just focus.
The words don't ******* heal.
I can't seem to concentrate
On anything that's real.

Spinning in this blackness
I'm running all alone
You claim to be beside me
as I break my heart of stone.

As the shards fall all around
like the hope I held inside
You try to sweep it up
Like a secret we must hide

I knew I chose my fate correctly
I showed you who I was that day
The demons that I do carry
Keep all who might love at bay
697 · Feb 2011
The Guitar Breathes
It fills my soul,
Ever growing in essence.
Glowing like a coal
It enlightens my presence.
Music is my whole.

Why do I try so hard?
Can't I see the great
That surrounds the bard?
Erasing this slate,
My happiness is unmarred.

So I place these fingers
Upon the metal notes.
Creating music that's deeper
Than any story I wrote;
Sending me to my rapture.
First blatantly happy poem lol.
691 · Jan 2011
She Can't Have Been Real
I smiled at the thought of the game.
You ran (as I whispered your name),
Stumbling, whimpering, down the corridor,
And slipping along that sticky red floor.

My salty tears, oh what salty tears.
My salty tears will stain your ****** cheek.

You lay there barely alive
On the other end of my .45.
What’s that look on your face for?
I shot your gorgeous leg, *****.

I shot, I shot, I shot.

Will I be alone?
Was she a clone?
Will it tear through my bones?
Will I, I will be alone.

My salty tears, oh what salty tears.
My salty tears did stain your ****** cheek.
This is about the fears I have, thrown into a severe story.
690 · May 2011
You Take Me For A Trip
You make me so giddy
Ripping reality to pieces
Leaving me breathless
Can't you see your effects?

Colors flowing everywhere
My vision blurs so steadily
Blackness soon envelopes me
Knees break from my weight

Drugs can't compare
To the experience you give
Drain me of all reason
Blur all my senses to nothing

Yet for all this confusion
For all this damage done
I still crawl back to you
For one more moment

I try to break the cycle
Attempt to come clean
But this suffering is what I live for
You're my drug, all I need
662 · May 2011
2011
We started, like all do,
As fresh minds ready to fill
With those lessons that are true
And gain in our own skills

Having fun, our great goal
Superseding all the rest
Remaining as a true whole
We found friends that are the best

Laziness, our weakness
But we keep with all them
Through the times of stress
We shine like no other gem

Now we must part
So comes great sorrow
You all remain in my heart
Through today & tomorrow
Dedicated to JAHS Class of 2011
Love you all :)
661 · Mar 2011
Same Tortured Skies
Flitting oh so lightly
A bird does sing its song
To anyone who listens,
But none have heard in so long
This bright and sweet tune
That shows a bird's own soul
Dripping with ****** sorrow,
While burning hot like a coal,
Smoldering into gray ash
That covers our minds, now blind,
Making us heavy in thought,
Turning on our own kind.

So as we fly like birds,
Forever discovering old skies,
I hope one day our world
Will depart from the same old lies.
657 · Oct 2011
A Clean, Sharp Path
Bubbling water flows
Over rocks so sharp
Cutting deeper into me
Making red slip into the flow
Trying to escape
Making it worse
Pain doubling all over
So I fought the current
Carving my future's end
655 · Jun 2011
Roads Paved Hopelessly
This road in my sorrowful life
It was paved with good intentions
Built upon the ground of strife
It holds secrets I never mention

Can't we just forget this world?
Tell it to lose us for the night
Becoming close with souls unfurled
Lye inseparable in moonlight

This can't happen anymore
For this road leads me astray
It still tears and rips to the core
I lost you in most every way
The hacking at your soul
Causes a deep, deep hole
That you can never fill.
You just wish, on your sill,
That the decision was made
And then there is no need of blade.
Why must your soul be riddled,
Mine in kind? Both just fiddled
With emotions all through life,
Causing our own pain and strife.
We never see inside
Only the other’s side.
We show all the flaws
That cause us to pause
Long enough to save each other;
Until one collapses and smothers
Out their light.
Mysteries drive us
Insanity makes us
We live in chaos

But onward we march
Into the depths
The black and lonely dark

Forever searching
Trying to brave through it all
Unsure of the next moment
647 · Oct 2011
Emotional Hurricane
Losing all control
Why even care
Feelings not returned
Left oh so bare

Yet no one sees
My dark road
Creatures swarm
Alone I never am
As I stumble on
Through a murky world
Air toxic to all
Shattering hopes
And killing dreams
******* up all
Never asking forgiveness
Always cutting
Breaking hearts and bones

I'm lost in emotions
No where to run
Surrender to this world
Started with a gun
645 · Jul 2011
Breaking You Apart
Demons are my friends
I see your spine break
as it quickly bends.
I told you, it was the ******* end.

I live in this ****** hole
You didn't see it coming?
Me ******* your soul.
I told you, I am the ******* end.

Death am I, so I must be
Warm, dark, and flowing
is your blood onto me.
I told you, I was your ******* death.

I never ******* lose
You tried to beat me and all you did
was make yourself ooze
to death in my frozen arms.

I told you, I am *every ******* end.
642 · Jul 2011
GuNife
My soul,
It rushes warmly
To the frozen ground.
For the lack of tension,
At my wrist,
Releases me.

My brain,
It Seeps onto
The welcoming floor.
For the gaping hole,
At my crown,
Saves me.

Click, Flick.
Push, Pull.

My only refrain
From continuing this discourse
Is your essence,
Nothing more.
642 · Oct 2011
Not For Me
Thick as mud
Pouring from my soul
******* tainted blood

Don't you smell the fear
Coursing within me
Causing me to tear

All these monsters who rule
Shove me past the brink
With words for broken tools

One day you'll see
Within dark dreams that
This world is not for me.
640 · Jan 2012
RED
RED
So comforting
and terrible
It haunts us with blood
And calms with love

What we see is not what is
What is felt can be mislead
It's just a game we play
To make others feel our way

Emotions drive us
They make things exist
In pain and sorrow
Yet with love and passion

But what is this
Simple thing that evokes
All this and more within
Yet just a shade of life
630 · Mar 2011
Red & Blue
This feeling, so hot,
Coursing right through me.
I hope they simply rot
As their red sets me free.

I cut for the red.
Just crying for pain.
I'll wind up dead,
If not, past insane.

You helped me once,
Then forgot to stay near.
After all these months,
Why'd you leave me here?

Blue , now falling fast
Towards the never ending dark.
Trying to forget my past
As red and blue mix, so stark.

As I let these colors fall
On my soul's own abyss
From heights far too tall
No heart sees I'm amiss.

Forgotten, cold, alone I gasp
For air that left me too.
If only our hands would clasp,
You'd finally help me through.

Now the red is slow
And all blue is gone.
All since you went to go,
I've become a slaughtered fawn.

The colors are gathered
Across my body and floor,
In artwork to be treasured
By you forever more.

You missed me that day;
Came for something to do.
Seeing me made you sway
And from your eye, fell blue.
I have no idea...
626 · Mar 2012
A Friend For The Dark
Shimmering with darkness
Forever stuck in shadows
Your soul reaches out
To be saved from itself

Yet none show such kindness
None understand this pain
All left you in deeper depths
Which seemed impossible to leave

Then things began to change
Happiness seemed to reign
For another was found
Another with black wounds

Attempting to help you
Bearing their soul
Holding you tight
Suffering by your side
<3 SEP
621 · Jun 2011
Blackness Is The Calm
Sitting in darkness
Letting it swallow you
While warmness envelopes
And the numbness begins

Running through you
This emptiness so deep
That words hold nothing
But company keeps you sane

No noise is needed
Just the presence, so still
To remind you to continue
For another feels your pain

So alone this world
Never time for peace
Lest you sit and breathe
And let the stillness in.
620 · Feb 2011
Beautifully Disharmonious
The ground beneath me trembles
As I look upon my soul
For my world no longer resembles
What I knew as my goal.

I stood alone so very long
That I thought none could see
the sharp notes of my sad song
or broken chords of melody.

So deep in song and thought,
Never to glance all around.
I didn't know that what I sought
stood near me, without a sound.

As I pause for a rattling breath,
Your  song, it filled my ears.
Not one of shame and death,
Just a song to banish fears.

Rushing from my ears throughout,
that song caused me to stir.
Now knowing, without a doubt,
For you, my heartbeat is sure.

Always helpful and forgiving,
having a heart is your fame.
In this world full of maiming,
You never play that game.

Yet, for all these things to love,
You drown yourself in hate.
Thinking everyone is above;
You, yourself, just too late.
You saw me and saved me, but I don't know how to help you.
618 · Jan 2011
Fall
Fall, the leaves turn yellow
And they fall from the trees.
It's also a good time to hike with a fellow,
And the time to sleep for bears & bees.

Fall, it starts to get cold.
Fall, the best time of year;
When I take my blanket and fold
It around me, while I hide from cold in fear.

And don't forget Thanksgiving Day,
When we eat turkey & pumpkin pie.
Now I'm going to lay
In my bed before, in happiness, I cry.
Basic poem from like 7th grade.
617 · Mar 2011
Your Soul's Balancing Act
Your touch it burns
While your soul is cold
I can't run away for
Your touch keeps me here.

Frozen within.

As painful as it seems
I suffer now with glee
For you bring me joy
While destroying my essence.

Burning throughout.

I can't remember a time
When the world meant
What you mean to me
Yet you slow my thinking
With your icy words
And cold gestures of
Hateful love forever
Killing me.

Dying in this icy flame.

Once I knew you
And then you hid
From me so I could
No longer understand.

Darkness consumes.

Busting forth from
Your depths shines darkness.
Bright as a morning star
So as to blind me

Light hinders.

You wrap me up in
This bright ball of dark
That kills all things
That are meant to help
You in your journey
From one day to the next.

Murdered by your soul.
Balance kills quicker...
610 · May 2011
You Pushed 'Till I Snapped
Killing is a cute game
Full of hate & love
With this knife I rip and mame
Go meet our God above

Like paint comes this red
To make a glorious masterpiece
Too bad you wind up dead
Never finding your own peace

Why do you push this line?
Always starting a fuss.
You wanna start with me? Fine.
Just know, you can't **** with us

So I played that game with you
'Till we saw what you were
You never acted too true
Now you're a liar for sure

Pull a gun to your chest
Scream real loud at you, "Sham!"
"You think you're the best?"
Click the trigger, gun goes *blam!
597 · May 2011
Before We Start, We Lose
In my swirling head
All day and all night
Making me see red
In a way of delight

Not a hint of this
lived from our past
Only craving your kiss
Vexed by a mood that's cast

Everlastingly close, yet far
So deep now, no way out
All that stops us is a bar
Made from the other love you spout
591 · Jun 2011
Tantalizingly Dark
You scare me to the bone
Leave me trembling
Wanting so much more

Send me shivers through the phone
While I fear you
Afraid of your darkened soul

As my heart is being resown
You come closer
Attempting to finish the task

Can I run and be all alone?
No, your pull too strong
I slink to your side, accepting the pain
587 · Jul 2011
Finding A Way
I struggle to be,
This happiness prescribed.
For my nature, you see,
Is depression inscribed.

Tied to my subconscious
Is this *******, hate.
My senselessness
Is deciding my fate.

The past, how it haunts,
Forever decaying my soul.
Ridiculing with taunts,
Preventing me from being whole.

Yet for all my words,
I never saw what to do.
I can always move forward
When I focus on you.
586 · Jul 2011
All's Unfair In Love
I never thought it would be like this,
Where I fall over myself at your name alone
Trying to win you over, but I only miss,
For your heart was stolen before my own.

Yet here I am, waiting for you
To come around to me, in vain.
For you, I am not worthy, it's true,
But my soul keeps me here, insane.

My mind overflows.
You **** me, you do.
Your soul, it shows.
To you, I'll always be true.
584 · Mar 2011
Embodied Echoes of the Mind
Echoes leaving traces
Of that life we all knew
That filled us, overflowing,
With this thin, dark liquid,
Dripping from familiar places.

--OWN, --OWN, --OWN

Wishes of sleep elude
As we all begin to fear,
What has come for us
Is not real, but is just
Our own mind in a form so crude.

--ARK, --ARK, --ARK

Solace, from our friends' senses,
cannot end this grimacing demon
or it's quest to eat us whole.
Waiting in nothing but silence.
Holding our breath as muscles tense.

--ETH, --ETH, --*ETH
The beast within us will never let us be...
584 · Mar 2011
I Let the River Flow...
Humanity is losing touch.
Humanity is gone.
This world is cruel, oh so much,
I wish it'd be redrawn.

Today, my life in ruins,
It crashes over stones
From my dam, removed by sins
Taken on by me alone.

As the water quickly sweeps
Past all I ever gained,
Wiping all I won for keeps;
Leaving the land worn and stained.

All is lost and forgot,
Now laying in a pool of rubble;
Leaving that for which I fought.
Guessing this world to be trouble.

And yet, can it be?
The water slowing to a trot?
Is there someone here for me?
Or am I truly left to rot?

A soft warmth enveloping
as they whispered my name,
my heartbeat wasn't dropping,
nor does it stay the same.

As the flow is cut,
I find the perfect place
to be, from the world, shut.
And know nothing, but that face.
Life rushed in and I lost everything. Then you built it back.
I'm drowned without you.
Don't you ******* see?
This world you have made?
Full of pain and anger,
All happiness will only fade...
                                                        ­                        I know what I have done.
                                                           ­                         But what else can I do?
                                                             ­                   I fight off the nightmares
                                                      ­                   That haunt my night through
You can't control your demons
without losing everyone around
So just give up this fight
Or you will surely drown*
                                                          ­               You're right, I have no choice
                                                          ­                      But to sleep forevermore
                                                     ­                          So I will lay myself to rest
                                                            ­         On this freshly reddened shore
Screams echo deep in the dark night
But shivering hearts freeze from fright

The time has come for words pronounced
Bitterness melts the frostbitten hate announced

Souls do bond when the winter quells
Shooting stars among the Gods fell
I wrote this in the back of my friend's car on a random trip to chipotle tonight.
573 · Mar 2012
Irrelevant Life Mysteries
What is Death?
Our end.
A mere figure.
A deadly force.

Is it for us to know?
Or to guess wildly.
Or even blindly accept.

Why must we meet this stranger?
Can we not be ended in familiarity?

Will these questions mean a thing when we meet?
A smile,
That's all I ask.
I know you are sad
Because life is hard.

You are human,
And like me, fall in flaw.
Yet, your imperfections
Are your redemption
For without them,
I would never believe
You aren't an angel.

Yet, you are my angel.
You saved me from demons,
The kind that **** for fun,
The kind I lived like.

So give me that smile,
That smile, saving my soul,
That smile, forever a blessing.
If only your heart
Would join in a smile
Towards me,
Like mine does for you.
I see myself bend
Failing in all eyes
Oh to flick to my end
I hide all this behind lies.

Forever working to impress
Yet never living right, to them.
Never adding feelings but stress
And making comments to condemn

Close friends try to comfort
But to help a lost cause
Is like suicide from the hurt
That you receive with no pause.

I wish I could continue
Through this glorified life,
But no longer, to myself, true,
I turn to this colorful knife.

Oh the shiny, bright colors
Forever mixing as one.
This flow slips my mood calmer.
A red river does now run.
Sometimes hope hides too deep...
532 · Jul 2011
Help Me Stand?
You always knew me,
Everything there was.
Just like your favorite tree,
You know every branch.
Until, that is, I could see.

I saw my voice was not strong,
So I made it loud, and proud,
And shouted it along,
So others may hear me say,
"I have my own song."

I saw none understand,
Why I was not being me
Yet I was finally able to stand
On my own two feet and I knew
All I needed was your hand.

So, I stand trembling,
Seeing so blindly,
Hoping your hand is stretching
Towards mine to finally grasp
Our reality, and begin it's mending.
520 · Jul 2011
For Her, All Is Possible
I hack for her eyes.
I chop for her soul.
I rip for her radiant beauty.
Hack, slash, dig; it's my duty.
All is for her

As I raise my weapon high,
I think of nothing, but her.
Slaying in her name is a cinch
Yet for myself, it's a pinch.
All is for her

Monsters, they scare her so.
I tremble in fear,
but she gets me through.
To her, I am always true.
**All is for her
520 · Jul 2011
Can It Mean So Much?
That little orange truck that barely went across the floor,
It’s wobbly, plastic wheels rode poor.
It barely meant a thing, even in my core.
Until you took it from me.

I would have lost it on my own,
But I didn’t have a chance, it was blown.
Now I care for it down to the bone.
When you took it, you took my respect.

Alone, I now sit, without a toy at all.
Staring into the void and at the wall.
Now all I can do, out to you, I call,
“Bring it back! (Bring her back!)”
520 · Jun 2016
Existential Examining
Drowning in the sorrows of my fellow men
Staring at their souls' dark and bitter end
I come to the conclusion
And have left no illusion
Death makes friends when we least expect
While the devil befriends all who stand *****
So rigid and so proud it makes them fall
For centuries we gossip and lie and stall
Until we break into little tiny pieces
Shattered and broken, all breathing ceases
518 · Jun 2016
Listless Musings
Tantalizing is the use of harmony
Deep is the need to explain
Silence is never a friend
Words crash down like an autumn rain

Sense is fleeting and often askew
A sign could mean nothing
A word might change the world
Interpret each without knowing

Losing a battle of truth
Winning during a loss
Kindness ebbs and flows
Eyes painted over in a gloss
518 · Jun 2013
Roles Change With the Need
Slice the cover
Grab your heart
Nothing left inside myself

So I'm forced to steal
Forced to die alone
Never knowing the privilege of family

But who can give me a soul
I've craved to care, but never could
Sitting alone, bastardized, and broken

So I take what I can't have
Leave you in my place
Calling out to this empty world of hate
The cycle can never be broken
515 · Jul 2011
T
T
Always in my mind from dawn to dusk.
Never leaving me like the scent of musk.
Fears tear me through her.

Letters…

When I hear that letter, she never leaves.
Forever stealing my soul, like a pack of thieves.
I wish the best for her.

Those **** letters…..

I say it’s alright, and it will be, one day.
I can never, in full, repay
You for your touch on my soul.

The letters never leave me...........
And neither does she.
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