Everything is strange, she whispered in my ear
and I agreed. Ten years is long enough
to snarl one’s thoughts into pleasant bows
or leave a gaping hole where traffic once stalled.
My mother is no longer flesh, she is the realm
of tissue and muscle that I do not hold
in my conscious, greedy palm. We are strung
apart now, I dangle in the way of other bodies,
we start and stop and wait; we listen for the growth
of our hair and nails, our brains, even. Now
you are hog tied to the milky way, your brilliance
is masked by your own two hands and the silence
silence silence of your wrists. They love you,
remember this after 3 AM.  Remember to
keep the darkness in your marrow.

i fell in love with
the idea of you.

your dark, messy
unkempt hair.
your black eyes that
curve into
crescent moons
and are guarded behind glass.
your endearing laugh,
your unusual talents
and fearlessness.

but perhaps if i
peeled back the
layers of secrecy and humour,
your front,
i'd find a
vulnerable you,
a lost and afraid little child.
maybe that's why
i'll only fall for
the idea of you, and not you.

maybe i'm only in love with the
train rides and
inside jokes and
candid moments unseen by you but
ingrained forever in my mind.
those little quirks that are so you yet,
not.

and if you ever knew this,
you'd combust into a million pieces.
you'd fall into the deep abyss of
uncertainty, curiosity
and the world around you
would get even more crazy.

but i can't seem to let you go,
you're a burning field i'd want to lie in still.
right now,
you're the adrenaline in my body.
it's like you're pulling me into the depths
yet pulling me out
and i don't know who is stronger.