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Three Dr Peppers down
Yet not even close to a fraction of a Celsius
Three Dr Peppers down
But they only stir up dark thoughts of us
You may be sorry, but I’ll never accept it.
You may be tired, but I don’t want you spending your remaining energy feeling bad for me.
I’m always yours, and that means that I’m always here.
It’s not a problem for me to be your everything, I’m just returning the favor.
Don’t let your heart bleed for me, let it rest with me.
This was originally a response, but I thought it might be better a bit larger, it’s an important message.
I can’t be there today
I understand
I’m still here anyway
Ready at a moments notice to offer a hand

You wonder why I’m here
But doesn’t it make sense?
I wonder why you’re here
Yet we know the answers

I’m sorry I can’t write more
But you don’t want to hear that
You want to hear anything I’ve said before
Don’t worry-I’m still intact
I miss you
I’m trying to be strong
But it’s really hard
Not to worry you or anything

I don’t want to be here
Or anywhere
Unless I’m talking to you
I miss you
I’m worried, I’m afraid, I’m without
But I still love you
This time was different
I tried to make you stay
Maybe we’re still the same
But something changed in me
I didn’t expect to ever cry reading your letter
Especially not this soon
It’s too soon
It still smells like you
I drove to school
With a smile
Not wearing one
Just living one

What did you do to me
Can you keep it up
Is it too soon
To sit here thinking about you
Is it too soon
To have my anxiety drift away
Is it too soon
To cling to your words like a necessity
Is it too soon
For life to finally work right
And is it too soon
To miss you
I want to love you so bad.
but between all these entangled fear and insecurities lurks these grief and anxiety..
and there I was — sitting in the middle. Cradled by this fortress I made.

Believe me I’m dying to love you so bad..
But forgive me love..
that I hate myself
so much
more than I could ever love.
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