These words are not enough.

The way that I miss you tears a hole in me. It feels like an entire section of my existence is gone. I feel an infinite sadness with your absence.

I can say over and over again that I miss you but it doesn't begin to cover the gist of it.

I spiral. I wonder if you miss me. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder if you want me there. I wonder if I creep into your thoughts throughout the day. I go down this rabbit hole repeatedly.

Do you miss me?

I miss you so much it hurts. I feel alone. I can't get out of this spiral. I don't miss the thought of you. I don't miss the idea of you. I don't miss my interpretation of you.

I miss YOU.

I'm in a room full of people, and not one of them is you. You are the only person I can think about. How are you? Have you eaten? Did you sleep?

I'm here to admit that you gave me peace. The night we met changed my life forever. The moment I looked into your eyes was the day I realized I wanted you in my life. You gave me the love and company no one ever seemed to give me. I was the type to never let someone see right through me, until you. You were the only person to get a chance to meet the real me. Thank you for never once judging me and accepting me for who I am. I've never felt alone when I was with you. Watching you go has been the hardest thing to feel. I'm lost without you. I hope that in the next life, we'll be together forever. Just for now, I'll be staring at the moon in hopes you're looking right at me too. You look so beautiful amongst the stars.

I love you.

​

I never told you, but you saved me. When I met you, I was at the lowest point of my life. I felt invisible, insignificant. And then you came into my life with your energy, your laughter, and that way of making everyone around you feel special. You were the first person in a long time who truly saw me, who cared about me beyond the surface. I don’t know if you ever realized how much you meant to me. Maybe for you, it was just another friendship, something temporary. But for me, you were everything. You gave me reasons to smile when I thought I had none left. You showed me that life had more to offer, and that it was worth continuing. I still think about you, and it hurts that we drifted apart. I never told you, but thank you. Really, thank you for everything.

I just want you to know this.

You may never truly know how deeply I cared for you as a person. I expressed my affection in ways that felt sincere to me, but it wasn’t enough nor aligned with what you really wanted. Your words made it clear that this relationship was not as real as I had hoped, and it never was.

You say you wish you had genuine connections, yet it seems you struggle to understand what that truly means. You’ll never know that everyday I woke up with you on my mind. I would always think how can I make your day better, or show you how special you were to me. I realized that I was mistaken to believe this was something more than what it was.

That said, I am at peace. I have a life filled with stability, support, and real love of friends and family. I have so many good things in my life to look forward to. I know I’ll be okay and I know I’ll find someone who will reciprocate the love I give. Even if I don’t it’s still better than whatever this was.

In contrast, I know the reality of your life and it is full of loneliness, sadness, and uncertainty.

In truth, we will both move on and forget each other, but for different reasons. I will let go because you have shown this was never a real relationship, and you are undeserving of my love and affection. You won’t have to worry about any selfishness from me again.

As for you, you will likely forget me amidst the many faces that come and go in your life. I fear you will never know love or experience true friendship, and deep down, you know it too.

Goodbye

Yes, I'm mad. I'm heartbroken. I'm hurt. But I hope you know that it's okay.

I don't want to minimize what you've done, and the hurt you've caused me, but I hope you know that it's okay. No excuses. No justification. But I get it. As poorly as you've handled things, you never intended to hurt me, or at least I'd like to think not.

I hope you're eating well, sleeping well. I hope you haven't shut yourself off from people. I hope you’re not sad or lonely, and that someone is there for you when I’m not. I hope you're not killing yourself with the regret. I hope you're doing okay.

If you're wondering why I'm not reaching out, it's not because I hate you or don’t want to talk to you (in fact, it’s the opposite). It’s because I need the space to heal and the self respect to walk away from one-sided relationships, and stop hurting myself trying to force or fix issues that aren't mine to fix.

If the guilt or heartbreak is eating you up, please know that I don't want you to do that. What's done is done. You have nothing to grovel for anymore. I just hope you don't do it again, to anyone.

C'mon, you really think I can hate you? After everything? I love you too much to stay angry with you. I still love you, actually. I know you might not be too sure about that, because we haven't spoken in a while. But I do. Regardless of what happens.

If by some chance you ever want to reach out again, I hope you know that I'll be here to talk… one day. I'm open to fixing things eventually.

Again, I hope you're doing well, love. Take care.

I find myself staring at my phone more often than I care to admit, waiting for a notification that you’ve thought of me, even if just for a moment. It's funny how something as simple as a text can mean so much. Every vibration, every chime—I still hope it’s you.

I know we couldn't be together the way we wanted. Life, circumstances, and everything in between made it impossible, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still want you. Not just in the fleeting moments when I’m alone and missing you, but always. I think about the way you smile when you're nervous, the sound of your voice when you say my name, and how everything just felt right, even when nothing was.

Even though we’re apart, I can’t help but hold on to the idea of you. I wish things could be different. I wish there was a world where we didn't have to think about anyone else, where your smile wasn’t something I only got to imagine. But for now, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for those texts that remind me we’re still connected in some small way, even if we can't be together.

No matter where life takes us, know that I’ll always be here, hoping, waiting, and cherishing every little piece of you that you choose to share. And even if that time never comes, I’ll always carry the memory of what we had and what could have been.

And I hate this. I hate all of it. I could never hate you.

I'm the one that left in the end, but you left me first.

I look for signs every single day.

Ultimately, you've moved on.

You were my soulmate, but I wasn't yours.

It's been so long. And they say time heals all wounds. Why does it hurt more every day? The seconds feels like minutes, and the minutes feel like hours.

We both did ****** things.

But I've been as good as dead since the day I last saw you.

I hate everyone, and everything, that isn't you. It's always been that way. You took down some heavy walls, and I built stronger ones when you left. I don't want anyone to know me, ever again. I'm just counting down my days.

I'm sorry.