it's not that i meant to break your heart
it's just that some days i wake up and i can't feel anything
towards anything nor anyone
and i promise that hurts me too

unless you can write a story about someone from omniscient point of view, without skewed romanticism and self-centered mystification, you don't know the person. love is never a first person narrative. you can't just say you don't remember. no, i won't let you have that postmodern indulgence, you can't be unreliable narrator.

but what are you then? the almighty author? god? those boys been long dead and gone, and i just don't know anymore where i stand, or where you stood. do you think about me ever? do you sometimes write about me? am i perfect in your memory? do you remember the smell of my perfume? will you be able to write about me, trying to pick the right shade of lipstick to wear?

i found heaven;
between the pauses of his drunk voice at 1 AM
and when his finger travel down my spine
i found hell in the morning;
he’s only ever mine when his other girls are asleep
i found hell in his wandering eyes in other girls’ lips, neck, eyes
i found hell in boundaries,
i found hell in convincing myself he never love me.

i found heaven in loving him
i found hell in having to leave first

i woke up missing you today
i know i shouldn't
loving you is much like addiction i'm trying to quit
but always fail miserably

i know,
i know,
lets just stay here
if we keep playing with matches
there's a good chance
we'll turn to ashes

dua jiwa, berdiri di tepi bukit
kehidupan tidak pernah menyatukan mereka
bukan, bukan masalah cinta
hanya kenangan itu egois,
kenangan tidak mau hilang ingatan

i've been taught that love is beautiful and kind
but it isn't like that at all
it is beautiful,
but it is a terrible beauty,
a ruthless one,
and you fall-
y o u   f a l l
and the thing is: you want to
you don't care what's coming next
you just want who your heart beats for