Backflips on my mind
The summer is gone I'm off my grind
What have I done these past 6 months besides complain and whine
There was nothing I did to help the kid there was nothing I did to become stronger
I just stayed sober until the year was over and started to actually feel this boulder
I've been carrying it on my back I've been feeling so insane I've been making moves and spending time trying to control everything

Has it really been five days?
I can always check
I just want to sit and act like I can't

I hardly ever make any sense but that is because I am not trying to
I don't want to be the reason that she has been lied to
I won't be a second choice
I won't be a choice at all
I am not meat or an outfit at the mall
I will not fit you seasonally
I won't stay just because you want to be with me
You aren't needing me
It makes no sense to keep me sticking around if all you are doing is dicking around with ******* and hoes who have nothing

Trying to eat normally
That is what the girl in my medical class said
She also said that she was going to quit
She didn't
She didn't quit
She is still here
So is the other girl who said she was going back home
You look dumb
It shouldn't matter to you bu you look dumb
It matters to me because women should be free
Women should do as they say
Women should not stray away
From responsibility
And when times are grey

I won't ever let you treat me this was again
I can never even claim you as a friend
Ever
You have made a mistake and I told you this isn't easy to fake
Everything that you do makes me think
Maybe I am not the crazy one
Maybe you drove me crazy for fun
It's something you think about on a daily
Something you do to shame me

I remember your little lungs struggling so hard to breathe
You were brand new, a few days, in fact three
You let it be known that you were hungry and wanted to cuddle you wanted to hold me
I was up all night making sure you were still breathing
Protecting that sweet smile from evil
That is all I did and will continue to do
You love me and I love you

I think of the words the wise ones have told me
I think of the feeling that they gave to me
I think of the success
One day I'll be successful

There is clearly something about you that I haven't figured out yet
Of course everyone you meet will have their secrets
Everyone does
But yours is different
Yours is dark and I want to figure it out
I'm afraid if I do then we'd be through
We'd be done
I am so convinced that you are the one
You are the one for me
I'm sorry that I faked our family
I'm sorry that I lied to you

Merry Christmas
Today life taught me that life is really what you make it!
If you maintain a positive attitude then you will live a positive life
Lying to yourself is not an exception
Giving is very important
Try not to take so much
Use your manners
Eat to make yourself full this holiday season
Do not hold back

If my life is meant to write poems and songs then let it be
I can't be wrong
I love to do many things that excite me
I love to do things that are bad
I love to do great things and
I only want what I never had
peace and love are for me
Poems and songs set me free
From all the bad things that they all left for me

I'll explain it from his perspective because from mine it seems to be less hectic
He had his days where there were soft blues and greys
He had it made where he could have anything he'd ever wanted
He loved so much it tore him up
He became evil and mean
It's his fault they fought and fought until he was feeling haunted
He turned to drugs and loved them much
Forgetting those who loved him
He turned to drugs because they were the only ones to keep him feeling important
From his perspective I'm cool calm and collected
That made him insane he couldn't believe how calm I was and he became vain

I just cried so much
Sometimes I won't eat because I'm wrapped up in thought
Every now and then I have no one to call
I think of all the good things this life has and I keep smiling
I have to hang on
What will keep me going?
Maybe a sharpened pencil when there is no sharpener
A glass of milk with a large piece of yellow cake and chocolate frosting
Having a mattress on the floor instead of blankets
Having your hand to hold when it 40 degrees out
I think of all the great things and it's hard to complain
Maybe that's why I started writing again

He's fake
He wants this
He walks around pretending that this doesn't matter
Pretending that he can do better

If I had a chance to sing or to dance I would choose neither because you aren't in my hands

If I had to choose to love or to lose I'd love with all my might if it meant that I could find you

If I had to leave the US and live alone, I'd do that in a heart beat as long as you'll stay my home

I did not believe in love
I do not
I have many thoughts
I am not me lately
I want to be someone else
Anyone but me
This pain aches every day
I won't let myself pass away
I miss you sister and I need you
You taught me more about womanhood than any other and now
I need you more than ever
Please
I would say please come back but
I do not want that to happen
I know you are more safe than you have ever been
Perhaps you ended up in heaven
I can only hope for the best for you
You were my sister and my best friend too
I love you lots and I need you so much
I need you so much

You left me
I need you
I felt like I wasn't enough for you
You showed me that I was everything and you adored me
How hard was it to be left alone
How hard was it to leave this earth alone
I wanted to be there and at least hold your hand
Maybe sit with you
Pray by you
To feel your warmth one more time
To feel you take in your last breath
How could this world be so cruel to you
Your heart filled every room with sun
Your soul still speaks
You are still my everything

I needed an outlet
So I sit to write
Will I educate myself on these poem lines?
The veins in my hands are more aggressive than ever
These headaches won't leave
My eyebrows are not groomed
The lump in my skin is growing
The baby is too
I have this new job pushing shoes
Selling them and buying them too
I need more money
I will soon start school
Does anyone write this way anymore
Will I learn the right way before...

Should I apologize for hurting you?
The truth
I hurt you first
You hurt me first
I did not communicate it so you never knew
I felt as if you were fake but then you fought
That is what made you worthy
You stayed and that is what made you worthy
You are gone now
You are still worthy in my eyes

The feeling just keeps creeping in and I can't seem to clear my head
it's not my fault and it's not yours either and I no longer want to play the blame game. I just want to dance and smell the flowers and I want to sing for hours
without interruption.

I'm tired of my mind being poisoned. I need a cleanse and I want to feel better about myself. I need this now more than ever. The trees aren't as green as they used to be. My smile isn't as bright. My love hides in the dark and my heart feels tight. I can't move sometimes and it's hard to learn without forgetting. It's hard to be happy with these circumstances and I wish I would have passed all my classes.

Maybe in you would've succeeded if you were still in school. Maybe you'd smile longer if the world wasn't so cruel. I feel the weight of the world and I do not want this. I want to be free. Free of pain and sadness. Free of mishaps.

I'm not human, I was built more beautifully
The arrogance the confidence the stability
It is all we want it is what we all need

What's worse than saying bad words? Saying you'll write a poem a day and forgetting you even said it.
Writing an email before you've even eaten your breakfast.
Stepping outside feeling and looking far too comfortable.
Feeling far too groggy
Looking like a straight *** when it is foggy.
You do want more for yourself and you will get that.
You will get everything you need but you just have to say it.
You have to think it before you can even say it.
I has to become a routine.
I has to be your everything.
You have to do everything that you said you are going to do
Because who you are is way more than what you are letting yourself become
You have got to be better than anyone who has ever doubted you
You have got to brush them off like tell them to shoo

you couldn't walk with me but I can see that you walk with her
I hope that she can teach you something I hope that you can learn
How to treat a woman and how not to burn
the people who loved you before
the people who have given more
than what they give themselves and what they give their families
I hope she gives you the strength to do better you'd think
that you would know by now but it is over
there are times where i think you are changed but it is over

You are so jealous it's sad
You take the best idea of hers and make it your own
You make everyone around you feel great
Because you would do anything to keep a smile on their face
It is not necessarily a bad thing
It isn't a great thing either
See you bribe them into believing that you are superior
You make them fall in love with your so called kind heart
But in reality you just do not want to be left in the dark
No one really likes you and no one really cares
But when it comes down to it
You'd say you're being fair

Everything is okay
It is okay to be okay
Just breathe and let it stay
Because for once, everything is okay

You are my home and everything inside of you is so amazing it is so beautiful
Your hair is so golden so thin and so soft
Your eyes are a deep soft blue pulling me into your world that no one else has got to experience
I got the chance to have you and I know that we may not be together forever but what I do know is, is that I want your kids I want your soft hands on me too
I want your love
I want you boo

Pushed myself in the small dark hole
Only to feel safe
No sound
No light
So comfortable
I take cover

I have to write a poem because you are a stupid man and honestly you will never be able to understand I have so much hate towards the things that I should I gave you so much love and if you never left there's no doubt I'd stop that I wouldn't

You shame me in public
You think it's funny
It's not funny
You remind me of a child reaching for the candy on the top shelf
You'll never reach it so you call out for help
And this makes me angry
Because if I don't help you, you shame me
All I can ever think about is all the times that you have played me
You can't keep a woman for ****
You can't hold down ****
You leave her the responsibilities even if she's going through it
I feel sorry for the next woman you end up with

What my family doesn't know is that I love photography and videography
I'm a painter, a poet, and I love to dance
They are unaware of how well I can sing and how much I love making music
They sigh at my presence as if I'm the one who murdered someone
As if I am the one who walked out when times got hard
They look at me and think "how broken."
I just wish they could see the light on the other side
It's okay to just be and thrive
It's okay to live a free life
They will never understand what it's like to crave true freedom
I will never get these years back from trying to please them
I will have to move forward into the blue
Where the sun shines on the horizon and the mountains kiss the stars
Where the sand gets stuck in every crevice
Where my hair seems to wash itself
And the wind gives a natural blowout
What a blessing it is to be alive
To feel this good again before I die
My family will never know my secret
It's true freedom that keeps me breathing

four seasons to go through.
four children to care for.
four figures a year
wendy's 4 for 4

Who are your friends?
That is who you are
Who do you want to be in your life?
Who do you want to stand up and fight
For you?
For what you believe in
Who can you rely on when you are grieving ?
Ask yourself who is there for you when you can not bend over and tie your own shoe
Ask who feeds you when there is no food on the shelf
When there is no shelf
When there is no bed
When there is no ceiling above your head when you are sleeping at night
Who is there to hold you tight?

I don't like how my face changes when I am in love
You would think that it would look as if it's full of stars
Filled with the shine of the moon
Filled with the summer breeze in June
Nothing will ever make me fully love you
How can I change so much
How can my body change so much so that I don't recognize me
Why would you ever lie and say that you ever wanted me
I feel like leaving but my heart says stay
I don't know where to go but I can't rely on you to pave the way
I can't even see myself when I look in the mirror
I can't even hear myself when you are near
I hope I get the chance to ask myself, "What was I doing here?"

To become more grounded
To become better
To become greater
To become amazing
More than what I already am
Meeting a much greater person than myself
Someone who has what I lack
Someone who is not breathing down my back
Thinking of the future
Making the future
Not being trapped
Not being dumb
Not giving into anyone

Let's not forget the way I went homeless
The way I starved day in and day out
How I feared that I wasn't making enough milk for my growing boy
Let us remember the way the cars honked as I walked by with my stroller
The way heads turned to judge and not to help
Let us all know that this was hell
Let us never go back to feeling that low again
Let it never happen
Let it never happen
Let it never happen

Had enough of this world, I am giving up
But I love waking up
Even if it is during the night
Where the moon shines so bright
The only thing I have left to remind me of you
Everyone says you have never been any good
Is any of it true?
Are you real?
Were you real?
Were we real?
How can you change in front of my face and never give me any space?
What did I do ?
How did we get here?

Would I want you here again
Or do I just love the memories of us
Will I learn to forgive
Or do I just love being stuck
Stuck on you
Stuck like glue
Or like a nike symbol on my new tennis shoes
Why did I stop wearing heels when I dated you?
Am I no longer me now?
Did I turn into you?
Is this why you left me?
I know it's tough to see your reflection