When the brain no longer hums, you have won
When the tears no longer swell, you have won
When the flesh no longer bounds you to Earth, you have won
Your soul speaks so kindly
It is beautiful
You knew that the physical could not hold you down
You are so much more than flesh and bones
You are here, you are home

I have much to say but little courage
To get out the bed and write
I have curled up in fetal position
I have sweated all night
I asked to be saved and He did just that
I didn't think you'd be gone though
I didn't do the math
You showed me love
You showed me care
The very least I could've done was be there
I am so sorry that life turned out this way
I am so sorry about this life, love.
You deserved so much more

I just cried so much
Sometimes I won't eat because I'm wrapped up in thought
Every now and then I have no one to call
I think of all the good things this life has and I keep smiling
I have to hang on
What will keep me going?
Maybe a sharpened pencil when there is no sharpener
A glass of milk with a large piece of yellow cake and chocolate frosting
Having a mattress on the floor instead of blankets
Having your hand to hold when it 40 degrees out
I think of all the great things and it's hard to complain
Maybe that's why I started writing again

Nothing excites me
I go about the world unfocused
I go around hugging strangers because I need it more than them
Drugs are so harsh on the skin

You left me
I need you
I felt like I wasn't enough for you
You showed me that I was everything and you adored me
How hard was it to be left alone
How hard was it to leave this earth alone
I wanted to be there and at least hold your hand
Maybe sit with you
Pray by you
To feel your warmth one more time
To feel you take in your last breath
How could this world be so cruel to you
Your heart filled every room with sun
Your soul still speaks
You are still my everything

Art is the only thing with no boundaries yet you refuse to create you keep this hold on your throat and you let it decide what it does with you.
You could easily choose not to but this is where we are now
I hate to leave you in the dust but this is where we are now
You mean nothing to me and you have meant nothing for the longest time
You have created a horrible life for yourself and you continually blame it on other people and that is not their fault this is your responsibility and you should take care of it
This is what you have to show for what you have worked hard for and I hope it is worth it I hope you find love and peace and happiness and most importantly wealth even though i don't mean financial wealth but I do mean wealth and health and happiness.

I have never felt like a failure until now
I am a whole mother. Not a child.
It hurts and I am trying my hardest to stop this pain. But everything needs me and I need to stop this pain.
I will forever be confused at the choices that I make.
It is not my fault. In fact a fault is not what to call it.
This is a cycle
There is no support
Who traded our family for money?
The american dream was more important and now I go to bed with no support