B - Hello Poetry

B Aug 2014

| More |

There has to be more to life than this
There has to be more than self loathing
And self destruction

I'm stuck inside a body I hate
Surrounded by people who don't care
And stranded to only die alone

I often think to myself
"**** it I'm going to change the world"
But then I remember I am only so small
And this world is so big

But I know there's something out there
There's something there for me
I just have to find it
But what if I never do?

B.G.K

B Aug 2014

| We're All A Little Scared |

You told me you were scared
You ran your fingers through my hair
And grabbed onto my hand
"Please never let me go"

When you told me you were scared
You never said what of
I assumed it was from a dream
Or monsters in the closet

I now read the letter you wrote
Of what scared you most
It was the visions in your head
The thoughts of pain and ending it all

I now sit here reading the note you left
Telling me the things that scared you
That leaving me and hurting me
Were one of them

But now I'm scared and I don't have you
That was the last time
I fell apart in your arms
And felt free

B.G.K

B Aug 2014

| A Visit To My therapist |

Today is the day
One year ago you took the fatal fall
"I love you and this isn't fair
But I don't deserve to breathe"

The letter you wrote
Your suicide note
Is still embedded in my mind

I get so weak and break down
Legs shaking, breathing heavy
My tears running down the picture of you
The physical pain I felt and still feel is so real

There isn't a day that goes by
that I don't break down
That I do not scream your name
And hope you will return to me again

Do tell me doctor,
Do you have a prescription that can mend this too
That can heal my soul and aching body
Because I've tried all I can

I'll heal myself
Through lighters and blades
Leaving my skin feeling torn and burnt
Just like how it was when you'd touch me

B.G.K

Aug 2014

holyoak

Sorry Sir, You'll Have To Take The Detour. There's Been An Accident

A suicide note written in car-crash rhetoric
Telling me it was an accident
No one was supposed to get hurt
No one was meant to be in pain
The mangled metal
Tells me it wasn't all for naught
She put up a fight
She tried to fix herself
But when was the last time
A car was fixed without a mechanic
And then I'm reminded
Of why you left me
I was no mechanic
I was the faulty traffic light
Was i the one that sent you head on
Into the oncoming cars
Or the one that held you hostage
and started the sea of lights
Waiting impatiently behind you
Maybe I'm the reason you're gone
But there's nothing I can do but sit
Questioning everything I've ever said to you
I guess it doesn't matter either way
You're gone now

[holyoak]

B Aug 2014

| Numb |

Knees to chest, sitting on the floor
Slowly rocking forward to back
Breathing slowing and fading
I can not feel

The devil on the left says
"Do it. You'll feel again."
The devil on the right says
"End your pain. Take the jump."

Where is the angel
The angel who is suppose to save
The angel that will make me feel
Like I am of worth and I am okay

Either way
I am doomed to destruction
My sight changes to the devil
I look to the left

The lighter burns in my hand
Everything is slow motion
Slowly touching the flame
To my pale skin

A rush of relief
Runs through my bones
My heart pounding fast
My body becoming weak

The devil on the left says
"Don't you feel better?"
But I don't.
So I lay in bed

With a new battle wound
From a war I lost against myself
As I lay to sleep
I go back to where I once was

Lost
Alone
Afraid
Numb.

B.G.K

#poem

Aug 2014

holyoak

Droplets

i'm stuck in traffic
during a rain storm
in the middle of the night
and i'm subtly reminded
of when you stopped
holding my hand
as much as you used to
the cracks in the windshield
remind me of us
i cross another county line
and i think it's just like you
same place
new name
my veins are power lines
running through this ghost town
i'm so full of electricity
but no one taps into it
i guess i'm useless
it's been a long time
since i've seen anything special
in the shapes of the clouds
i don't think hurricanes
know that they destroy so much
maybe that's why you don't know
that i'm in this kind of pain
the cracks in my windshield
are getting bigger
i think it's going to shatter soon
could you imagine
the window shattering
and the glass coming at me
as i'm speeding
down this dark and rainy road
i don't have to imagine
i've already met you

[holyoak]