and in the quiets times
between the ministrations
of those angels called nurse
i sit  and watch you breathe
pray for your god to bring you comfort
pray for my god to bring me strength
in this quiet love i hope i honour you
i hope i thank you for times
you watched over me and prayed

syringe push driver
medical implement
that aids in supplying drugs
a comfort measure

the pathway home
you lie in bed so small
all the freice fighting spirit
leached away, just needing rest

you ask me to ring"the boys"
let them know you aren't doing well
they ask me to set up a family meeting
to discuss the use of the push driver
all these things i do.....all the time
wanting to hide, put my hands to my ears
and cry, lalalals, not listening

but I cannot, I am the adult now....

slipping
slowly
under
the
saltwater,
the
coolness
so  
sensual,
like
softest
silk
against
my
skin.

sloughing
off
sweat
and
days
disasters
I
sink
further
down
to
rest
on
sand,
sifting
it
through
my
fingers

rising
only
to
take
simple
breathes
I  
allow
myself
to
silently
decompress
and
my
soul
simply
sighs

a sunday afternoon
in the lingering indian summer
provides paradoxes
my husband has sat down
in the inflatable pool with icecream
to watch a game of rugby league,

the winter blankets wave gaily
out on the clothesline, dry less
than an hour after having been hung

my boy watches black ants feast
on spilt hot chocolate and marshmallows
on the too hot to stand cement path

and the tuxedo cat lays in the shallows
of the pond, fishing tadpoles unsuccsessfully

one moment ago
every thing was fine
the starter was fine
the main exceptional
the conversation whilst
not exceptional held nuggets
of interest and hints of wit.
dessert came, looked scrumptious
but before fork hit pastry
it happened
something was said,
umbrage was taken
and now we all sit,
in the middle of a ferociously cold war,
my husband caught with
forkful between bowl and mouth
gulps loudly and places fork back on plate
apart from the two combatants,
everyonehas become interested in
the state of  their shoes,
mine are in need of a polish.
and still the fury roils around.
i ask for the bill, pay our share
leaving the cash on the plate..
we are too old, too tired
to take part in what has become
some one elses public domestic

we grab some pastries to go..
and in a blink of an eye
we depart the field...
leaving the two sides blinking

The boxes
which keep my blood clean
are stacked as tall as I,
a monument
in the spare room
to past battles.
Too many words,
too many thoughts
******* in the
hand-to-hand combat
with mortality.

No more.

What life I have
will not be defined
by an indeterminate end.

I live to write poems;
I will no longer die in them.