i don't miss you
i don't want you in my life
or near it
i know better now
i know i deserve better now
because i don't deserve being treated like a ***** secret
like a toy that makes you feel like a man
i know what we had wasn't real love
it wasn't even second best
it was two broken people desperate to feel anything
broken people breaking more in each other's arms
i know it's time for me to really move on
because simply not texting you isn't moving on
it's time to evict you from my head & heart
it's time to really heal
because apathy isn't healing
it's time to learn to love
with someone worth loving

i love the way rain falls
&
you love the way it crashes

and i feel like somewhere between those lines there's a conclusion i'm meant to draw
maybe one where they simply explain why loving each isn't necessarily enough
especially when we don't love each other in the same way
especially when i'm beginning to wonder
wonder if maybe you only love when i'm at my lowest
if maybe i only love you when there's still time to pretend
pretend that maybe you won't stop falling
that you won't join me crashed out on the cement
that maybe this time is different

if you are an honest man,
then why do you only speak sweetly to me
when cloaked by the night-time air,
dim street lights,
and my sleep deprived state of mind?

i've recently rediscovered my love for tarot
and so of course i've read a fortune or two
your's was most intriguing
or rather most disappointing
because you asked for a reading on your love life
and for a brief moment
i thought this was it
this was the sign the cards failed to give me
this was you letting me know
in a subtle and sweet way
that you wanted to see what the cards had to say about
y o u  &  i
but as i laid card by card
and you spoke more and more
i felt a weight on my chest
a queasy feeling in my gut
and a stinging in my eyes
because there was no
y o u  &  i
to know more about
instead the story of
you&her
unraveled in the cards before me
and spilled from each sugar dipped word that fell from your mouth