i love attention
particularly the male kind
they make it easy
play a damsel
with pouty lips
feed their egos
with soft lies
let 'em play hero
with heart strings
keep their attention
with ****-me eyes
attention
attention
i'm in need of attention

i love the tortured artist trope

i'll torture myself for the title

but

i always fall flat on the artist half

i don't say i hate myself
for you to say i'm beautiful
i don't say i struggle to get out of bed
for you to say i have so much potential
i don't say i can't find joy in what i used to
for you to say try a new hobby
i don't say i wanna die
for you to say you love me
i don't know why i say what i do
but i know it's not
for copy&pasted love

why do i want to go back
back to being afraid
back to fast steps as my feet reach the stones
back to the burning of my lungs
back to the breeze sweeping petals to my hair
i'm hoping i have enough control
i'm hoping i'll embrace the warmth of summer nights
i'm hoping i won't reach ocean waves
i'm hoping i'll stop
stop at the edge
stop and stand
stand with teary eyes
teary eyed but that's just fine

i want moments to remember
when i'm old and frail
i want photos to show
to my children and their's
i want the story of
you
&
i
to be told long after it's end

loving you means keeping my mind free at night
because nighttime is when you make me wonder
make me wonder how many stars had to die for us to see this sky tonight
make me wonder how i can be living a life so beautiful
so beautiful because i can hear your thoughts
because i can hold your hands
because i can hold a place in your heart
because a kiss can make me forget
forget the blue girl who spends her days wasting away
forget how slowly night comes
but i can wait
and i have waited
waited for warm silences
waited for the stars to fall
waited for the moon's soft song
waited for empty rooms to be filled with dreams once broken
when the sun begins to stand
i can walk away
walk to a bed less empty
because the memory of you is close by
i can rest without fear
because loving you makes me wonder
what was so scary before

let's capture this moment
preserve it in a frame
record it on a page
let's do anything
to ensure it won't die with us