if you’re still here
by the time I next change the sheets
then maybe
you’re here to stay

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

where does my joy come from?
it comes not from you.
not from waiting for you,
like waiting for rain in a drought.
it comes not from pressing pause,
holding breath,
using litotes on the underwhelming.
it comes not from the unnecessary distractions.
or comparisons.
or sharp bluntness.

it definitely doesn’t come from that feeling - the feeling that you’re losing
interest.
the feeling that I’m losing
value.
the feeling that I’m losing.

it comes, instead, from something greater
something more
something inside
and all around

I remember to look away from you
and look up