I don’t know
I pretend I do
I act like I got this
As my knees knock
And my tummy turns

Fake it til you make it
That’s what I know
Slap a smile on
And cry in the dark

Put on a show
Bring out the dogs and ponies
Fall apart later
When you’re all alone

Big girls don’t cry
**** it up buttercup
You got this
Until you don’t.

I hate lonely
I feel panic
And stress
As if something
Should happen

I like alone
I feel peace
And relief
As if nothing
Should happen

He calls me beautiful
Yet I wonder
How I fit into
His world

He tells me I’m ****
Yet I wonder
How I’ll ever
Measure up

He comes back
Yet I wonder
How long this
Will even last

He makes me smile
Yet I know
How replaceable
This all is

My words
Are nothing more
Than wine filled
Ramblings
From a heart
Broken
Beyond repair
Take them
As they are
Full of hurt
And longing
And wishes
For a happy ending
That won’t come
Because
Everything moves on
Except me
And my heart
We hold steadfast
To a past
That no longer exists
To anyone
But me

There are no stars
In my night view
Only departing planes
Which remind me of you

Leaving me
Something you did well
Unsure of your destination
I guess time will tell

The light ascends
Until I no longer see
Darkness remains
To comfort me

The engines roar
Deep into the night
As I weep alone
Missing my flight

The wasted tears
The mascara stains
The ruined pillowcases
Of unknown thread count

The empty bottle
The used tissues
The endless nights
Of wasted emotion

The stifled cries
The deliberate cuts
The pleas to God
Of quiet desperation

The bitter realization
The hope relinquished
The final surrender
Of a broken heart

Words
Like scars
Tattoo my soul

Reminders
Like cuts
Scar my brain

Memories
Like cancer
Ravage my body

Images
Like nightmares
Steal my dreams

Reality
Like ******
Explodes my world

Alone
With some who loves you
Or with some you love

Are there lesser evils
Do we call it
As we see it
Does life stop
Or move on
Am I even allowed
To ask

The days
Roll by
With unanswered
Questions
Because the truth
Can’t be believed

Yet here I am
Forever hopeful
That the unknown
Will soon
Be my reality

I’ll keep my heart
Close to the vest
just in case
This life
Is not what it should be

I’m not
That girl
Who goes
Quietly
You can
Bet your ***
There is
Gonna be
A Ruckus

Months
And I am still
Grieving
We had
This amazing
Story
And you fell
And I fell
Way too fast
I gave all
You gave some
I was scared
You pulled back
I never stopped
You did
Or so you say
I’m in ruins
You exist.
This is us

I’m mad
With it all
At myself
At the world
At you

I’m lost
Where am I
In this universe
In this life
In this moment

I’m tired
Trying so hard
To be strong
To be smart
To be it all

I’m a failure
In this disguise
Having faith
Having dreams
Having hope

I’m done
Without regret
I’m not strong
I’m not surprised
I’m just finished

I’m wanted
There are a few
Who desire
What I offer

I may be loved
There’s no proof
Who might
Long For this

I am scared
There are moments
Who knew
Days are long

I’m ok
There’s no choice
Who gets
That I’m alone

I’m broken
The pieces
Are far too much
To put together

I’m lost
The distance
Is far beyond
A compass direction

I’m destroyed
The fallout
Is to widespread
For any hope

I’m alone
The aftermath
Is not you concern
For you are gone

I think of you
Like a nursery rhyme
That  plays on repeat
In my head

You were the boy
Eating the pie
Kissing the girls
Until I cried

You wore red
And slept in beds
Not caring
If they weren’t mine

You were the
Little twinkle
In the little star
I just didn’t know how far

You were spider
That sat beside her
And pretended
You didn’t bite

You were the Jack
Who went up the hill
And when we fell
You disappeared

You were the rhyme
That ended my dream
That there would be
A happy ending