I like to be
The victim
The unknowing
Who got played

I like to fall
The martyr
The faithful one
Until the end

I like to plead
The honest dupe
The defendant
Full of belief

I like to ignore
The truth
The innocent
Who swallowed lies

I like to know
The reason
The stupid girl
Whose heart is broken

I’m mad
With it all
At myself
At the world
At you

I’m lost
Where am I
In this universe
In this life
In this moment

I’m tired
Trying so hard
To be strong
To be smart
To be it all

I’m a failure
In this disguise
Having faith
Having dreams
Having hope

I’m done
Without regret
I’m not strong
I’m not surprised
I’m just finished

I’m not
Your girl
We spend time
Talking
And between
The sheets
But we aren’t
A couple
Or a thing
We’re chill
Your word
Not mine
I’m ok
With it
It suits us
You fill
A void
That I
Can’t

We are
Skin on skin
Whispered words
Hard kisses
Gentle strokes
Urgent needs
Swelling desire
Hands in hair
Desperate pleas
Tangled sheets
Arching hips
Lip biting
Perfect rhythm
Sweat dripping
Eyes closed
Sweet release
Perfect end

The edge lingers
Sometimes
I peak over
Tempting fate
I haven’t
The strength
To gaze too long
I’m a coward
In disguise
I dance alone
In the darkness
But the beat
Won’t allow me
To coreograph
My own end

I want
To feel
Permanent
As if
My time
Mattered
To someone
Or something
Greater
Than me
I need this
Longevity
Be it physical
Part emotional
Maybe chemical
Possibly spiritual
I’m not choosy
Just a legacy
Of me

Alone
With some who loves you
Or with some you love

Are there lesser evils
Do we call it
As we see it
Does life stop
Or move on
Am I even allowed
To ask

The days
Roll by
With unanswered
Questions
Because the truth
Can’t be believed

Yet here I am
Forever hopeful
That the unknown
Will soon
Be my reality

I’ll keep my heart
Close to the vest
just in case
This life
Is not what it should be