up i go
like the curve of her lips
the way her teeth emerge  
bring out the best in me
its only when her lips fall down
that i fall too
up and along where her smile goes
i go too
but its when her smile emerges
that the best of the world does too

my mother told me i should erase my mistakes
yet she would never erase her own
because im still here
she wont let me go
and im suffering like this

*the child i am isnt the one she was writing

you inhale the glitters of the moon
and exhale the rays of the sun
baby you are my sunshine

call me bitter
in the middle of winter
because im just as sweet as the snow
and the grey clouds living above
dig down a little deeper
find the mud
dead bugs
withered away

i never liked winter anyway

the waters running
and running
im thinking
a flush
a splash
a scorching pain in my back
pink and white embedded in my skin
the inner back of my skull is screaming
and pounds on all four walls
climbing up and down my spine
like release is down there
the skin on my shoulders start leaving
the nerves in my hands have stopped shaking
my eyes are running
and running
almost as fast as the water that pours down onto the back of my neck

im thinking

i detest how she
belittles her freckles
when i see them as a galaxy
and i want to count every star
and watch every wish i make come true
as she laughs and calls me cute
because i lost count
when i looked up into her eyes
although i really just got lost

the rain beats down
and makes my hands sting
down to the center of my proximal phalange
creating incisions under my fingernails
so they form a pool of lavender and ashy blue
and the cold does not help
droplets will hit the ground and freeze
cutting down into my hallux
making my steps just as icy as my voice
and when the sun starts to run off
it leaves me alone with darkness
i cannot see
i hit walls
my head
and my knuckles
until i tumble down
and down
like a droplet
into the center of my proximal phalange
but this time
i dont feel a thing