the cold air blows past me
as i knock over
land on my knuckles
and i start to bleed
while the ice intrudes on my bloodstream
im freezing
and so is time

i miss the spring

i know you said that piano was the best thing you could do
but i also know that you could never play out the kind of disruptive symphony
that you have with this lie of a relationship
you played me through and through like the first song you wrote;
practice, practice, practice
then crumple me up and throw me out
because i wasnt good enough

you kissed his ***
and said you loved me
square in the face you slapped me
and elaborated on the details of his hair and how it smelt
you tore at my ears
you said dont pierce them
and barked on about how you loved his nose ring
you called his glasses adorable
yet you molded mine into contacts
your hands sauntered through the little hair i had
i vowed i wouldnt grow it out like i wanted
of course thats when you talked about his mane
i remember once i formed a zit in the center of my forehead
i have a good feeling it was from the stress you gave me
from all those nights you took my love and hung it to freeze in the cold wind
you gagged at it, said it disgusted you
but you said his acne was cute
i could pin myself up in so many different ways
but honestly
i dont think ill ever be pretty for you

theres so much similarity
between when we cry
to when we ****

no emotion
when i shove my hand down your pants
and yours in my hair
just pleasure

but its the thought
the remembering

of a first kiss
first hit

a hold on my neck
teeth to yours

a first date
a blushing glance

your hands down my pants
i kiss at your jaw

a sunrise together
an i love you or two

you throw your head back
i dive in

it brings tears to my eyes

my body compresses

maybe because
when we ****
i feel more pleasure
than i ever have in my whole life

id rather cry after *******
than think about it after feeling.

the grass is wet
is it from between her thighs
or under my eyes
either way
from both streams of beauty
i am not strong against these currents

my back is so sore
from dragging along my burdened lungs
i pant and wheeze
doing all i can to release
all the weight i can
but nothing ever seems
to work
my lungs tie themselves down
forgetting the chains they have on my blood
so for each step
that my foot drops down
each step
that i nearly drop these lungs
let them sink
and go
i nearly drop myself
and drown

the grass is wet
so are between her thighs
but im more afraid of going down in wet grass