am i no longer apart of your life
as you skip over my bleeding body
care
and then leave
honestly i liked it better when you lied
when you said i meant something to you
and responded to my greetings
and when you think about it
when you really think about it
in your little dictionary of a brain
is my name there
am i defined
or do i have no definition
is there at least a pronunciation
or am i another language
how many times have you read it
how many times have you read it through
because i recall studying
studying you
cramming in as much as i could into my head
just so i could fail a test on a completely different subject
tell me
where do i stand
because i cant tell when youre screaming at me to kneel
and i try to get up
but the earthquakes you call love shatter all the stable ground i have
stop telling me to get out when i havent even walked in
and for future reference
my definition
is a fragment of your heart.

i dont want to think about you
yet i do
again and again
you swarm through my brain
stinging every little crowded vein
until you take away my sight
taking every little bit of fright
from me
i dont like to speak of you
but i do
youve bought a condo on my tongue
with a clear view of my speech
and i see nothing more through the windows of my eyes
than the back of your head
and it hurts
i dont want to know you.

i leave it all to you
all these worries and woes
all the structures i call home
the glory ive held in my arms since birth
and all the love ive endured these past few months
the small bits inside where i fell, sometimes on purpose, knowingly
and then completely without suspicion
from the scars on my fingertips
to the smiles hidden underneath my feet
these discouraged glances exchanged between darkness and i
that bucket that hung from the thinnest string
the water bringing it so close to dropping
i drop it all
i leave it
in a box wrapped in bad memory and ribbon
i gift it to you
gift it to you because im ******* tired
and so bad with holidays
happiness wont run to me as i sit on my *** no matter how hard i hurt
i must move
i must go
burn the previous if you wish
for i must forget.