the spiraling smoke flows past
your tongue and caresses your lips
floating up on warm breath
to temporarily obscure emerald eyes
then twists and turns to form a halo
round your bright blonde hair

the Door
                     is
a lie

one we
               accept
as readily
                   as
the inability to climb
through
               any window
we choose

privacy is

mind
        over
matter
                      not
                                 matter
                   blocking
                                 mind

thoughts, not privy to peeking eyes
bodies, in full view of an
                                                                                        entranced
                                                                                        unknown
                                                                                        audience

if i were drunk i would kiss you on the sidewalk in the rain
unlimited useless inhibitions a moment of passion
wrestling with tongues i taste your heart
sharing saliva i kiss your soul
too ******?
my hands wander and come to rest
conquistadors of the southern americas
**** me senseless and leave me bleeding on the side of the road
my love abuse me for you know not what you do yet i forgive you
i died so you could live the least you could do is **** my...
too ******? my apologies to the god fearing masses yet when you mix orange juice and
tequila from my mind my mouth spews the filth or is it the truth of my feelings
i would love you my beautiful angel if only you would let me
slip my hand into your pants

it's cold outside but my kitten simply radiates heat
if only she would be useful and stay on my feet

my kitten chirps trills
meows purrs hisses squeaks speaks
arcane, cryptic, cute

writing down on paper
thoughts i can't say aloud
can't think aloud i don't
have control over my mind
my pencil, i don't know what
words are going to come out
a labyrinth, a maze through
the darkness of my mind
what emotions am i
feeling i don't know
anger sad hate love
anxiety lost empty
hopeful depressed bastardized
so so lost confused and
urge to write and urge to
feel, i want to get it
out, a thorn, 12 inches in
my heart, how is it beating
how am i going how do 
i live like this, transitions
change, people spiraling out
of control and i don't know
what to do, helpless
this is just the beginning
and my hand can't write
fast enough...

call me the cancer fairy
i bring burnable gifts of
chronic emphysema and hopeless addiction
with death on your lips
i hope that you think of me
as the cherry ember glows low
and soft grey ash caresses
even softer fingertips
viva la cigarettes! a love story in smoke

the ice flow north wind
the pristine moon reflected
silent white sharp stark

anger uncontrollable wildly swings to and fro
a weathervane shifting it's glaring arrow
from me to you to me to you to me to god
this tempest boiling over from my half full mindset
spills forth from my body a black wicked liquid
its leaks from my pores and pours from my eyes
spews from my mouth and is felt in the
tremors of my hands
incensed irate rabid sick and shaking
my mind like a dog should be put down out back
an execution style burial one bullet to my head
just watch for the blood spatter
don't want to infect anyone else

angelic being -
the god machine incarnate
the truth lies to me.

words written on napkins
meant to change the world
the poetry of motion
the song of a kiss
the way my cigarette burned down to
touch on my lips
a hero fights dragons with a sword
made of ink
while the ruins of a nation crumble
to dust
sound the trumpets!
bang on the drums
welcome the harbinger of this peaceful
resistance
but wait. the change we sought
the sit ins and protests and flowers
we gave were met with the deafening
silence brought on by the gun
poets unite and take up your arms
for time calls when the sword is
mightier than the pen!
we are the broken
we are the lost
we are the fallen
and we are not quiet!
we fight for this day
words written on napkins meant
to change the world lay crumbled
in wastebaskets
for hands meant to write
now form a fist. - resist!

brain dead
                   sleep deprived
caffeine high

*the end is nigh

when you catch yourself staring out the window

eyes tracking snowflakes. counting the seconds.

searching for meaning in seasonal change

looking for patterns spiraling in any direction but
                                                                ­                                down

seeing the sky’s just ******* hallmark card covers

when it’s half past one and you’re

wishing
wishing
wishing for

that snow

to bury

the campus. the people. the ******* assignments.

in something so cold it stings your fingers into feeling
enough to dig out of self-inflicted snow drifts

in something so bright and white that it
washes the grey stains from your eyes

when you let it go let it go let it go
and sit on the slushy side walk – only frozen
but without the ******* feel-good Disney songs
that happily work out ever after
in the happiest place on earth
when you don’t even care enough to finish the poem.

don’t.

i just doesn't feel the same dear
i hope you take no offense
i have come to realize that life moves on
and so should we
hell i'm only human
isn't that the tragedy of it all
so i bear you no ill will my once love
no matter the hell you put me through
i somehow still loved you
but it seems our day has gone past
and it's time we moved on and stop
grasping at memories with as much
success as holding air in hand
i can't keep you alive in my heart
anymore than i could keep you
in my life and i'm at peace with that
so don't drag it out just find someone else
and put your hand in his
and find a future without me dear
because it seems to me that
no matter what we try our fingers just won't
intertwine

another notch in the bedpost my dear
just one more one night stand
a thirty minute memory
to be forgotten in the next lovers arms
for you it was just another experience
yet i've found it to be
my most treasured memory
when your sighs mixed with our sweat
gave way to a single nights symphony
or those moments we had love
nothing more than a falling star
bright for a moment then gone
my blonde haired enigma
won't you be my valentine
in this grand fallacy
do i love you?
or just the way your body fits in my arms
your scent your touch
goosebumps
let this night never end
for every morning i wake to find
you've slipper through my arms
a ghost of a memory
wishful thinking at its worst
unrequited love or lust
****

sinuous, sleek
predatory in nature
from the shadows
of my conscience  
creeping to the forefront
of my mind

wrapping oh so
sseenssuuaallyy
around my thoughts
infiltrating into the dark
crevices of my soul

with the hissing sound
of deceptive claws unsheathing
- black and cold,
flaking rust
stroking my spine
shivers arousal

prowling through my heart
slowed to non existent beating
i feel my fingers, soft silk
flexing to steel cables
caressing oh. so. lovingly.
around
your
throat

with a last breath... gasp... *my love

that puzzle piece of life
we had it all -
cute couple status
days spent in our eyes
nights in our arms
we resonated deep
but now i can't stand
to listen to half my iPod
burned cds sit and wait
while gathering dust
while marlboro blacks
break my heart
i grind my teeth to dust
wish upon a fallen star
that this **** never happened, love

that feeling where your stomach sinks
and your body betrays you in your time of need
when glass runs through your veins
and the mirror before you is broken and black
this is when the monsters crawl out from under your bed
and the nightmares you laid to rest haunt your dreams
when she is in everyones arms but mine
and you can see nothing but the future you never had
laughing in your face as you feel like you could crawl out of your skin
finding comfort in the impermanence of the
cigarettes smoke thats dangling from your lips
smoked until the embers are all gone out
how can you feel the sun on your face
when your past enshrouds you in a fog so thick
pulling you back to the places you tried to escape
are you to jaded to love
to hardened to care
apathy
the emptiness of nothing
how have you gotten here
how can you leave
do you want to leave
this feast on your soul
as your mind rots and your future slides
from your fingers and from your bones
looking at all youll never have
a minute
an hour
a day
a lifetime too late
and theres no way to change the present
no way to relive the past
and no way to stop the inexorable march of time to the future
where is the future you never had
why are you hesitating on the bridge, the cliff
the jump
the fall
and the most exhilarating moments of your life
before the end. nothing
there is nothing to be afraid of
coward
*******
labels that mean nothing
only skeletons in the closet hid under the new paint
the false cheer
and the hatred you feel when everything is ok
i want things to be broken
this is how it feels to be alone

and here i stand
                                                                     (not so alone)
mere steps from the edge
                                                                     (on the brink of indecision)
a free one way ticket
                                                                     (nonstop, express)
to view this cityscape
                                                                     (a sight so majestic and cruel)
through the eyes of a raindrop
                                                                     (tears for this empty soul)
spilt from the tumultuous sky
                                                                     (a war rages in the heavens)
inverted in this fragile sphere
                                                                     (forged in this silent storm)
i see the window lights
                                                                     (worlds separated by glass panes)
in grey man-made spires
                                                                     (monuments to a false god)
flash by faster and faster
                                                                     (streaking to a single blur)
film on a reel - stuttering
                                                                     (burning up in acrid smoke)
to the end of the roll
                                                                     (over before the plot resolved)

                                             crack

back to the present
                                                                     (an unfortunate turn of events)
my hollow gaze lifts to you
                                                                     (where there once was love)
my windblown angel
                                                                     (my treacherous beauty)                                                                      
- with hands on my back
                                                                     (so eager in their placement)
as my lips wait impatiently
                                                                     (forever seems so short)
for your kiss to seal my fate
                                                                     (your mouth tastes of death)

living like goldfish, you do not understand that you can stop swimming

peel my flesh and crack my ribs
excavate my chest cavity two fists deep
a ******* futile exercise grasping for nothing
my much neglected heart has withered
shriveled turned to dust on its aortic vine
intimacy, love, a human connection
a half remembered dream it's fleeting
hold me close cause all I feel are ghosts

Paint my sunset bright with brushstrokes from your lips
Don't leave me with nothing but a memory of this
An Artist's touch is what we need
Girl you said you'd never leave
So hold me close cause it's just so **** cold
Open your eyes and look to the sky
What's happened is over we said our goodbyes

Put the down the pencil you didn't even try
We took all our chances and had our last night
Open your eyes and look to the sky
What's happened is over we said our goodbyes

Color in the pages of the stories of our lives
Reds and blues just like the bruise you gave my heart that night
Cut my face out of the picture
Sloppy now you're cutting quicker creating you're own world to the tune of an artists lullaby

Open your eyes and look to the sky
What's happened is over we said our goodbyes
Put down the pencil you didn't even try
We took all our chances and had our last night
Open your eyes and look to the sky
What's happened is over we said our goodbyes


I'm looking up at the stars in the sky
They remind me of the gleam in your eyes
And the way your smile shined
Oh I wish you were mine

Broken now with colors gone
The world is gray it's said and done
Erase your mistakes and go with the break
Cleaning up the lies you spilled and messes that you make

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The second hand passes

And fire creeps forward

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Flames eating the

Seconds minutes hours

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Nothing but ash

In the Past, Path of the fire

Tick Tock Tick Tock

No one escapes Time

The fire in which we all Burn



Drip Drop Drip Drop

The sharp rain is falling

And crystal frost forming

Drip Drop Drip Drop

Spreading and freezing

Life breath Death

Drip Drop Drip Drop

Nothing but chill

White blue glass, creeping mist

Drip Drop Drip Drop

No one escapes Time

The cold mist in which we lose our mind



Silence

The darkness is coming

And coming quite slowly

Silence

Flowing and twisting

Around you me us

Silence

Nothing but Nothing

Black silk wrapping, feather soft

Silence

No one escapes Time

The final night which we all face alone


Time is the fire in which we burn

Time is the mist in which we are lost

Time is the Night in which we disappear

Time is coming and

Going and

Gone

i wish i could have known you
a lot better a lot younger
so i could see you like this
sundrops on your kisses
with colour in your eyes
fingers trail the frosty panes
as we trade breath on these
cool winter mornings
our hands forming hearts
in the left over spaces
between fingers that hold
my soul delicately carefully
touched by the moon and the stars
as our fingers run over the frosty
winter glass

witty witticisms
profoundly profound
flung
        from
               fools
guarantee gibbering garbage

i carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
willing or not, a part of my subconscious makeup
a disposition to take their troubles and yours as well
i live with a thousand guilty minds and mine own
yet i do not add my burdens to the load
i live with my demons caged inside
for how can you be there for the greater good
with any weakness showing of your own?
lend me no ear, my problems i will not share
that would defeat my impossible goal
to free the world of earthly cares and sorrows
a self made martyr who wants no acknowledgment
no word of thanks, thats what friends are for
but i am cracking inside
to a million shattered fragments
held together out of a sense of duty
only as strong as my own convictions
a plea for help almost escapes
these lips sewn shut
only to be swallowed and lost
                                                       in
                                                               the
                                                                                farthest

                                                                                                              reaches
  

                                                                                                                                          of



                                                                                                                                                                     my







                                                                                                                                                                          mind.

.              frothing.
    
                                 seething.

                                                  roiling.

    ­                                                            a tempest
  
                                                                ­                       brewing.

                                                       ­                                                  anger

                                                          ­                                                            strik­es

                                                             ­                                                                 ­      like

                                                     ­                                                                 ­                        lightning

imperceptible

                       *twitching

                                      whiskers

Mr. Mouse sighed.

                                      Fallacy!
Mr. Owl cried.

cars like comets roar past the
external edges of my solitary universe
while the circling bands of introspection and selfishness
obscure my point of view
the cold stone steps bring steadfastness and strength
while peaceful acceptance governs my mind.
living in the present brings presence and power
the grass is cool green and soft with dew

as i do another line
i can't help but picture
all the nights that i spent
up with my eyes wide shut
and i know that you're in his arms
tonight and you couldn't even
lie to me about the truth
tonight i'm going to dance with you
girlie girl you got to watch
what you do cause how many
cigarettes i smoke will never
make me forget your eyes
i spent tonight with molly
while this warmth on my skin
never goes more deep
than the smile on my lips
that never quite reaches
the stars that i told you were
always in our reach
and i'm grasping at straws
while you never spend
the night alone and here i sit
with nothing but my thoughts
and a band playing a catchy tune
i love you dear
and this is my 100th time writing this song
while my heart falls to pieces
in the most tragic of ways
you're all elegance and klonopin
and i'm just a wreck that will
always come back for another
round of pain
you're my high darling
as much as i want to quit
you slip into my veins
and leave with my flesh
and my fingers in my brain
scratch out my memories

the sky is hazy
noon air so heavy it sticks
a storm approaches

the dark clouds tower
columns in a cathedral
a foreboding sign

fast roiling sea
suspended above my head
when will the gates burst

illuminated
purple clouds pregnant with rain
the lightning is blue

the wrath of the storm
rips open the violent sky
the ground shakes in fear

sunlight in the storm
lightning divides a dark sun
it rains yet i see

calm are the heavens
such is the passage of time
the eastward wind blows

self imposed solitude
the only control of
the uncertain comforting
dreams of another
wake to empty arms
holding air and the
nothing in between
alone to save others
from the inner chaos
of a mind unmade
sentenced to eternal
damnation at the hands
of an unrelenting judge
angelic minds turned
towards the soft embrace
of nightfall madness
together we are apart
separated by a rift in
my very soul that no
human connection can
bridge or cross lost
to the feeling of self
awash in the emotions of
others empathetic to
the point of unfeeling
watch the threads
unraveling as my heart
comes undone at the seams
i am alone because i feel
more alive when my heart
is the only one i hear
beating with the longing
for another heart to call
home

i spent hours looking at engagement rings
trying to find the perfect one for you
imagining just how big your smile would be
when you found out it was true
best friends till the end and even then
our interests would carry on through
i'm living three years in the future
with love and best regards perfect pairs come in two

celestial eyes gaze
fight against
city lights
Mars is bright

you took my broken pieces
and saw them as whole
this cracked and defective machine
made of emotions, memories, and
a heart that beats
accepted as flawed
for there is beauty in this mind
that gravitates towards my own
worst enemy - me
and you discovered the good
in the bad
took it for what it was
love