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 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
Goodnight
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
I can feel my heart grow warm
Your words to me shouldn't do this
A simple "goodnight" shouldn't make my heart smile
The ease of this relaxes me
And it's a huge relief
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
*Struggle
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
It's like I can see it in my head
As you're texting the words to me
I can see how stressed you are
Your head in your hands
Pounding with frustration
Constant wheels turning
I can only imagine how exhausting it is
And I squirm and struggle to sit here
Because I can't do anything about it
Oh how I wish I could take you away
Teach you how to relax
Slow down time
Count each breath
Feel it
Fill your lungs
Feel me
Seize your stress
Let me work those knots
Lay you down and straddle your body
Kneed your skin and play with your hair
Ease your mind off those headaches
I can make the pain disappear
Dissolve away
I'll mold your mind into a warm balance
Nothing but my hands on your mind
Forgotten the outside world
Feel me
Awaken forgotten nerves
Feel it
Relax your muscles
Please
I beg
Let me take you away
 Dec 2012 Ben
Robyn
Clockwork Heart
 Dec 2012 Ben
Robyn
The bronze of a ringed finger
And the gold of God's heart
The silver of Poseidon's eyes
And the red of torn apart
It was made in the cave of a mountain
Foraged from the heart of star
The angels were playing a game
And I suppose they could throw them quite far
An Irishman found the celestial rock
And took home to give to his wife
But on the way o'er the moor he tripped with the star
And fell on a stone like a knife
The star slipped from his grasp and rolled away
Exactly where no man is quite sure
But a hundered and sixty two years after that
It was found by a woman quite pure
She loved how it twinkled and glittered and shined
But her young daughter loved it and whined and whined
So one day the woman, though still pure of heart
Took her young daughter and tore her apart
Arrested and biter the woman was taken
The star underneath her pillow lay shaken
The poor little thing had lost quite a sweet home
Then the poor thing heard a long, lonely drone
Something was coming, something quite frightening
So the little thing rolled away kicking and biting
But stars, the poor things, are quite without eyes
So the star rolled off a cliff, sure of its grim demise
But then it was held softly, by something quite bland
It had been caught, been caught by a hand
The hand took it in to meet its homely face
The face belonged to a young girl of eight
She smiled at the lump of celestial rock
And ran home to the mountain, with only one sock
She gave it to her mother, who worked with polished metal
She cut the rock in half and carved one half into a petal
The other she saved for something quite new
First she took her stone axe and cut down a tall yew
She fastened a clock out of metal and zest
And she shoved the clock right into her young sons chest
It sputtered and spit until his eyes opened wide
And suddenly he stood up and right out he cried
Mother, a new heart, how am I to thank you?
She smiled, took his hand, and wiped tears for her eyes blue
He nodded and began straight to pack up his bags
He piled it on his back and his shoulders did sag
He kissed his mother and sister and began his long trek
Towards the black vast beyond
Toward the world, towards the wreck
He walked for six weeks before he came on a village
He was a kind boy, he had no thought to pillage
He called out quiet loud for everyone's ears
Hello! The boy with the clockwork heart is here!
No one came out, save a beautiful young girl
She looked at him quietly, and she made his head whirl
She asked him if she could feel his heart at work
He nodded and she placed her hand with a smirk
She gasped and she shuddered, her eyes like warm butter
Then she laughed and he let out a chuckle
He kissed her warm lips with his hands on her hips
But then suddenly something made his knees buckle
What's wrong? The girl asked him, a frown on her face
Still with hair soft like wings of a dove
He smiled sadly and laughed again, holding her hands
Dear it's silly, but the clockwork boy has finally found love
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
With Drew
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
I felt like nobody else in the world mattered
We could've been in the most crowded places
And in my mind it would only be me and her
My mind wouldn't stray away
She held it so well
Our happiness together defeated everything around us
When I was with her I was purely happy
I felt something that I didn't even know existed
Everything was so equal
Same mutual feelings
Same desires
And I can't help but wonder
Will I ever find that again?
Break ups are usually never mutual tho, there's always the one person who wants to make everything work out. (Me)
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
It's so crazy how I crave the littlest things
Because they mean so much to me
Right now I could go for someone's quiet company
I just want to sit on the swing on the back deck
And swing with my eyes closed
If you let me
I'll hold your hand
Just to know that someone is still with me
I want to be quiet and just listen
Listen to the bugs
Listen to the squeak of the swing
Listen you our breathing
Listen to your heart beat
You can put your head on my should if you want
Make yourself at home
It's so crazy how I crave the littlest things
Because they mean so much to me
 Dec 2012 Ben
lemon
Ink
 Dec 2012 Ben
lemon
Ink
I'm gunna get ink
It'll feel so right
To have the words on my body
I'll be written on with the story of my life
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
I'm quiet
Oh so quiet
And you all wonder why
I'm quiet because I'm broken
I'm quiet because of my thoughts
I'm quiet because I'm weak
But it's my choice to stay quiet
I don't like it
But trust me
You don't want to hear what I have to say
You don't want to hear my stories
I'm sad
I'm sensitive to everything
I'm a mess
You just don't know it yet
And you won't ever know
I've been through a lot
And I think that last blow to my heart was the last straw
Because I feel so completely different now
I don't want to try
I've never been this scared to try again
Fear and anger drown me
I'm left here terrified to reach out to anyone
If you only knew
The things I've been told
The things that have been said to me
By the ones I care about most
It haunts me
I'm honestly scared
Because I can't get hurt like that again
I won't make it
I already have doubt about making it through this one
And the thing is
I don't know what I have to do to make people see
To make people stay
I can be a good person
I am a good person
You just have to get past my wall
Trust isn't easy with me anymore
I always end up getting ****** over by the ones I thought I could trust
And when that happens enough times
You become quiet
When your trust is betrayed
Your doubting starts
Confidence levels drop
So
I'm sorry I don't fit in with any of your high energy level happiness
I'm sorry I'd rather listen than speak
I'm sorry I'd rather mind my own business than deal with pointless drama
But when you do gain my trust
I won't let you down
If you need me
I'll be there
That's the kind of person I am
I should just stop writing altogether.
 Dec 2012 Ben
L Smida
It's funny how we worked so hard to get here
It's just me and you now
In this dark cozy cabin
We both think we know what's going to happen
But oh how wrong we are
I am outside looking in on myself with you
And I can't stop what's happening
Believe me
If I could stop myself from leaving then I would
But I watch myself get into a car
While I look back in to see you laying in bed
Waiting for me to come back
But the car drives off
And suddenly I'm back inside my own body
Sitting up with my hands tightly on the steering wheel
Driving too fast for rain
Time is just speeding past us now
I look at the clock every few seconds
And hours keep passing
My eye brows work with confusion
And I know I should go back
But in my mind is a place where
Another girl will be
Waiting
Working
Why am I headed toward her when I have a girl back at the cabin?
This I cannot answer
But I know the girl back at the cabin will wake up soon
And she won't be happy
Her heart will break
And I can stop it but I won't
And I don't know why
Because I know the girl I'm after now will only break mine
She won't make me happy
I think she will
But she won't
And then the cycle changes
I'm no longer in a car
But standing bare foot on the warm concrete in just my bathing suit
And there's a bunch of people around
No one familiar
But it doesn't bother me
I step in the pool and hold my breath
I open my eyes under the water
Only to black out
No pain or anything
Just boom. Unconscious!
I wake up drenched with water and sweat and blood
Still in my bathing suit
I try to sit up but I'm still in shock
So I lay here just moving my eyes around
I see Scott
And a few other people I know
He tells me to relax
And I ask him what happened
He stalls and looks around to the other faces to get approved to tell the story
How don't I know what happened?
How don't I remember anything?
But he begins to tell me
He says
You got out of the pool
Walked over into the restrooms
Into a stall and started smoking blunts
One after another
A kid saw you and beat you senseless
And we found you a mess
Alone
Just passed out on the floor
You don't remember that?
He asks
No! No I don't remember anything after I got into the pool
My thoughts to myself are
Why can't I control myself?
And then the cycle changes again
I'm early to a party
Mary and her friend are upstairs
For some reason me and the two people I'm with don't go upstairs to be with them
It's just known to us that we aren't welcomed
But we were invited
So we stay down stairs and drink
We speak in whispers
And the only light is the bright moon shining in the windows
I find myself very intrigued by one of the girls I came with
The other, not so much
The girl I like
She was my very first crush ever
And now she's here with me tonight
For some reason she's really into me
It takes her a while to warm up
But once we're warm
I sit next to her and stare at her hands
And she speaks to me
I don't like my hands
Is what she says
I look her in the eyes for the first time and ask why
She replies
You're staring at them
And I say
You're hands are lovely and so perfect
She reaches over to hold my hand
And I compliment on how soft her skin is
And the touch of her hand on mine
Who knew that dreams could hold such an emotion
So intense and my bones ache with the desire to kiss her
But I don't
So we just cuddle on the chair and drink our drinks
The dream i had last night. I wrote this without mentioning the names of the important people involved. Why? Because I'm a coward
 Nov 2012 Ben
L Smida
A rough path it was
I walked through time
From end to end
I had to climb

I saw where we stood
On the corner of the block
I was so scared
To finally talk

My apologies to you
As you cracked a smile
Your arms around me
For a long while

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
On another block
Is where I appear

As our evening walk
Comes to an end
I am proud to say
You're more than a friend

You speak to me in a way
Where your body does the talking
It says I don't want to be alone
And so we kept on walking

A walk to your door
Under the porch light
You fear for me
To walk alone at night

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
A time where we froze
As the night grew sincere

It was close to Christmas
And we laid on the ground
I could tell that you wanted
My hand to be found

It took you a long time
To actually confess
And if you hadn't
I would've never guessed

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
This time I go back
To a time that was dear

We laid in the grass
And goofed off for hours
You actually dared me
To eat some flowers

And then one night
You pulled me down
Behind a building
With no one around

Your hand goes there
And makes me still
Never have I ever
Had such a thrill

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
I walk alone
Only to hear

You shout my name
Loud and clear
I turn and see
You running near

Into my arms
You hold on tight
The perfect hug
It feels so right

I wish you'd stay
But you have to go
I had feelings for you
I want you to know

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
Everyone knows that
Softball seasons here

I watch from behind
As she makes her way
Our eyes meet
With never a stray

She jumps into me
And I catch her flight
Her legs wrapped around me
And squeezed so tight

She never really knew
That I liked her a lot
I felt like I
Didn't have a shot

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
Walking on the tracks
You tell me your fear

You tell me your story
And with that I know
Your trust in me
Will surely grow

You keep going
Until there's no more to tell
And I'm pretty sure
For you I fell

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
I should hold close
Those ones so dear

But that's the thing
With time and math
We all have
A different path

You lead yours
And I'll lead mine
And in the end
We'll be just fine
Each part represents a different person. I was walking through town and realized that in the town there are marks of time. Here I did this and there I did that
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