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 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
Violently flowing through rapids of guilt and sadness
Drowning in a high abundance of lies
Choking on a thought to permanently throw everything away
To give up the fight and drift down stream to a completely new life
Pick up a new face and call it my own
Then a tug of war breaks out in my brain
Every heart wrenching, fake ***, lying ***** pulls at the opposing side
Hold on or let go?
These people are the past
They've made me who I am
And to tell you the truth
I wouldn't hold on for these people if my life depended on it
I'd rather drop over dead than go on living with these people
Look what they've done to me
Suppressed memories that I can't even grasp
A childhood that's vanished because its been so deeply packed away
A confidence that's nonexistent
A heart that's grown cold
An ego that lies and lies and lies
An identity that's buried so far under
I can't keep fighting this battle that's eating my life away
Charging this energy for the right moment
To drop all ties
Pick up and vanish
Fake my own death
And start somewhere else
Do it right
Fight the right battles
Hold on to those souls that are true and honest
And turn the cheek when the users come and try to bleed you dry
Realize that there's options
And not to settle for anything less than what's wanted
If you don't want it
Then don't have it
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
Is to lay my head upon your chest
I'll hold you like you're the best
Kiss you softly all over your skin
Go way down, let the fun begin
I'll run my fingers through your hair
And show you how much I care
Teasing, pleasing, breaking the shell
Please show me how you rebel
Bite me, fight me, hold me down
Explore my body all around
Throw me over on my back
Jump on top! Charge attack!
Win control, take the lead
Use aggression to succeed
Playfully tugging at each others clothes
Naked, positioned nose to nose
Your turns over, my turns now
Anxious to see what you'll allow
Wrists held tightly in my grip
Straddled, holding us hip to hip
Sweaty, hot, pillows and sheets
Breathing heavy, fast heartbeats
*******, *******, enjoying it all
Oh dear, you're such a doll
Screaming, moaning at the peek
Whispers follow with a fine critique
Slowing, showing satisfaction
Can't possibly get enough action
Gently peeling my body from yours
My lips still trace your contours
Salty but sweet, I'm addicted
**** and fine, s'what I predicted
***** with a mate to match
Ain't no better thing to catch
This is kinda really cheesy. I'm just sexually very frustrated at the current moment. My apologies.
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
The more I admit
The more I can over come
All of the problems
The more I admit the better I feel..... Afterwards...
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
Wrapped mind
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
My mind is wrapped around
Getting to know you
But it's so hard
To climb your brick wall
Tip toeing
Not wanting to break anything
Hints tossed like a salad
But it's like juggling hot potatoes
I don't wanna ask the wrong questions
I don't wanna dig too deep
Too fast
I want you to trust me
But my mind is wrapped around
Getting to know you
Slowly waiting for the right timing
Impatient words linger and claw at my lips
Choking me but I hold them
Back for you
To freely express yourself willingly
My mind is wrapped around
Getting to know you
But I'm scared to always
Be the one
To text you first
So then days go by
With no words exchanged
And my mind swells with
Dead emotions
"I guess I'm not important"
"If she hasn't by now then she never will"
My mind is wrapped around
Getting to know you
But it's so hard
Why is it so hard
Should I keep trying
Or am I just an annoying ****
What's your mind wrapped around
What're you stuck on
I wish these things
Were the things
That we talked about
My mind is wrapped around
Getting to know you
And I'm just stuck
On what to do
It's almost like
I don't cross your mind at all
It's like you can't find the time
While I'm pushing
Everything
Out of my way
To make all the time
But it goes to waste
Through the cracks
Of your fingers
And it doesn't even matter to you
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
High hoe
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
She'll **** your small ****
For a simple little line
Just to sail the sea
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
I have a problem
With being a friend of yours
It ain't gonna work
I like poems that have a longer title than the actual poem itself lol
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
*Tattoos
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
I've substituted
One dysfunctional
PAIN
For one
That's immensely
Productive

Using the cold
Sharp
Blade to
Slice my skin
Wide open
To let the
Hot
Blood gush
Free
Leaving lumpy
Atrocious
Scars
That hold
Discouraging
Memories

Will never happen again
Because

I've become
Addicted to
Permanently
Sewing ink
Into my body
To
Display an image
Of who I am
Inside
Show it
On the outside
Like a canvas
Of abstract compositions

Equal repercussions
But
A positive
Release of emotions

I do not regret
Any
Of the permanent
markings
On my skin

But I am
Proud
To have found
Such a rewarding
Alternative

For if I did not go
And get
The words of my conscious
Sewn across my chest
I would
Still be
Sitting on the
Floor
Carving names
Into my flesh
Leaving hideous
Wounds
By crossing
Them out

One painful
Accomplishing
Addition
After another
Leaves me with
An emotion
That's full of relief
A proud
Uplifting energy
To build optimism

Something that
Won't cause
Tears
To stain my face
When looked back upon

Something that
I can be absolute
About

Something that
I don't have to
Hide from people

Something that
I can
Show off
And express
Myself
Openly

Something that
Holds nostalgic
Memories
To bring
Not tears of sadness
But tears
Of pure
Bliss
 Sep 2013 Ben
Z
splinters.
 Sep 2013 Ben
Z
my writing seems to only come easily,
when i'm writing things i want to say to you,
but i can't.
right now i'm sitting here thinking about all the things from you
that get caught up in the thickets of my mind
like a nagging piece of a splinter that can't seem to get out of my palm.
the pain, although less than it would be if the whole splinter had stuck,
is still noticeable if i poke it, **** it, try to find it again,
pin point exactly where i have to press to make it hurt.
and once i've found that spot,
i keep pressing.
not because i like the way it feels,
but it's comforting, to know that i know what makes it hurt.
it's comforting, to know that it's still there, a constant reminder that the splinter was never fully removed.
it seems cliche,
to say that i miss you, but not who you are now.
i miss who you used to be.
the person who wrote me word by word, line by line, letter by letter,
their entire thought process..
where is she now?
gone.
i think about you,
and that letter you wrote.
"do deep people just conform the shallow way of thinking?"
you did.
did i?
i suppose that's something that we'll never know.
so it will keep nagging me,
bothering me,
like that small piece of splinter,
until i find away to get it out.
or until it gets infected and eventually kills me.
whichever comes first.
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
Waiting
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
Absolutely
All by myself
Not a single
Soul in sight
But I keep
Turning around
In search for

You

And each time
I turn to look
I see the same
**** thing
Just an empty
Road

Are

You ever going
To look for me
Will you ever
Show up
Or am I
Waiting around
For nothing
I wonder where

My

Sense has gone
Because
I waste all my time
Waiting for

Love
 Sep 2013 Ben
L Smida
I want to sit here
But I don't want to sit here
What the ******* ****
Every time I sit down
I don't want to sit down
But I'm tired
So I want to sit down
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