For the past 19 years
My heart has been dormant.
The cobwebs of loneliness and longing
Make intricate patterns around its bruised and beaten frame.

It runs on little,
With inconsistent beats that continue my breathing.
This heart is rather cold
From endless nights and dragging days
I fear for my heart
For it is hungry.

And it will take any opportunity it can get
At the first sight of affection
To feel something, anything at all.

You're like that little bit of juice I thought I had left in my cup.
Foolishly I reach to take a sip, but it is gone.
Then you're like that candy that doesn't really taste good.
But still I continue to eat it anyways...
Sometimes you're like the rain.
I like the smell of it. I like the sound of it.
But when I get caught in it; I end up so cold and I am left ashamed.
And at times you're like thunder...
Kind of like dangerously beautiful.
You're like the mornings that I dread before sleep...
You still make your appearance and shine your presence through my sheets.
And at last you're like the night...
Dark, frightening, and qiuet.
Where no one knows the secrets, tricks and importance behind it.

Your red hair is like fire.
Sending tingles through my fingertips.
And the freckles casing body indicate every place I want to kiss.
I barley know you but it does not seem to matter at all.
I just want to know that we can become more than what we are.
You are a stranger to me but your body isn't.
Why can't the stars align to make this dream come true.
I only had you for one night and the memory is fading too soon.

what sedate openings
your pretty mouth doesn't lack
the feline grace of the new
and an orchid palate of tact
to feel those words push
past your lips and onto my own
is a sheltering message of belief
consecrated on these long white sheets
your floral body of dew
that i live and die beneath

Invisible forceps hold my eyes open,
Incongruous actions have my mind stolen,
At where beginnings end in misery,
At where "The End" is stressed bitterly.
Corrections and titles have made amends
To resounding ripples of tugs and bends
Upon the surface at where life may lie,
And carry us all beyond mind and sky...
Yet locked on the bedrock and solemn remains
Of which sins of fathers now decay,
We sit upon catapult, on trebuchet
Awaiting a life in which we sustain
Charitable notions and build the way,
For a time in which we smile in the rain.
It feels as though I'm lost in a dream
and am searching for water in steam,
Possible, improbable, awaiting the cool,
To siphon it down into a pool,
And perhaps there my flooded reflection
Will not surpass without detection,
And maybe I will gaze into myself
And realize I am here to help,
To see and touch and taste and feel,
To hear and Be, a part of what's real,
I will know the true darkness inside my eyes,
By looking beyond my own disguise.

sleep is nothing more
than pressing pause on netflix;
our minds are put on hold,
our worries forgotten for the duration
of a few REM cycles.
the events of the past day,
week,
even our whole lives -
all of it is suspended,
frozen in the clutches of time -
lurking in the back.
Grendel in the shadows,
only woken by glaring sunlight
and the sound of joy.

the beast slinks inside
and it interrupts
the tranquility of transgression
with splintering, mind numbing, earth quavering reality.
and consequently,
reality is nothing more
than an empty space in a too cold bed.
it is nothing
but a series of unsaid goodbyes and
pleas for you to return;
but only in the mind,
because the words are burning holes
through my lying tongue.
the only reality left is sometimes,
i catch an icy blue glare in the mirror,
haunting and devastatingly familiar.

sleep is escape
if only to a universe where we
were not;
if only to a land where what is done
can be undone,
as easily as pressing undo while typing.
at least there, where i dream of you once,
again,
you cannot leave nor hurt me.
and we always have happy endings,
because i always pictured
that that was all you could bring me.

i never dreamed i couldn't dream,
or that the monsters lurked not in the shadowy alleys,
but instead, inside of me.
and i never imagined them seeping into reality.

i never knew losing you
could **** me.