One thousand times
Has the knife kissed my skin
So many times
After I said I wouldn't give in.

One thousand times
Have I allowed myself
To cry crimson tears
To hide my fears.

You would think
After a while
Cutting wouldn't help anymore.
But it turns out
I cut more every time
To the point I can't stop.

One thousand times I have failed myself.
But that's one thousand times I could have taken my life.

And I didn't.

I may have failed myself,
But I still have time to turn around
And right one thousand wrongs.

Being suicidal
Is like living in a smothering fog,
But like all fog,
Sometimes it clears.

Being suicidal
Takes away being capable
Of fully appreciating life.
It feeds off your fears.

Being suicidal
Is an unimaginable suffering
That is all too real.
I've been here for years.

But being suicidal
After the fog lifts,
You appreciate the tiniest bits of life
So much, that it brings tears.

Boo!
I love you, darling!

I always will.
Even if you disappear.

Because we are a math equation.
Numbers and variables,
Exponents and everything else.
It may look complex to some or
Maybe it makes people sick to look at,

But there are tricks and it is easy to figure out.

The simplified equation comes down to
Us*love=

And there's beauty braided through today
Can't deal, never been too good with feels

Last night I had dreams of earthquakes
It was raining, the planet went up in smoke like a cupcake
I was rollerblading, then I was skating
I was alone but I was free
I felt that contradictory cord that bonds you with me
Chaos all around me, life was so pretty

It showed me so much of me and how scared you are to be free
Then it displayed how that's a terrifying reflection of me
Is this simply nonfiction within what I subjectively see?

~ BREATHE ~