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Ben Jun 2013
inception an idea implanted in past land
passed on dark wings to grasp hold fast
in sketched out morality soul aghast
push my copycat character past fracture
spiderweb cracks in arguments made
solely of self righteous closed minded glass
however deep these malicious tendrils
slip and strangle the growing tree of
a raptured unique individuality
with perverse views of gender love equality
and views with that they do not agree
that do not conform with their conhypocrisformity
i want to be free to be free to be me
i want to find my personality
i just want love, of self, of you,
agree?
Ben Jun 2013
it's all in the details, shadows tracing shapes
of ghosts of past demons seductive with
wide eyes of warm brown flecked moss green
whisper in my ears of delusions and grandeur
while fingertips trace burning lines in
the well worn patterns on my back
temptress, succubus, leech, smooth with
manipulative cunning and dangerous beauty
a haunting promise to kiss the poison lips
of a night filled with fool's gold memories
left in the morning with an empty chest
and entrails that went west with the setting sun
with the greatest beauty, and grasping claws
silk sharp nails hooked in flesh and conscious thought
leave me from your deceptions and lies
my sweet Lilith, I am but a disposable distraction
naught but a notch in your bed
you left with my mind and my heart
left my body but an empty shell
a wraith wandering this grey plane
Ben May 2013
when boy met girl
the world shook
the sky held it's breath
the sea swelled then ceased
when boy kissed girl
time did stop
boy's heart beat then burst
boy's eyes closed but saw
when girl left boy
boy sat still
and stared at wall
and stared and stared and stared
till boy was naught but bones and ash
when boy was gone
the earth grew still
the wind picked up
the waves rose to crash
time went on...
but boy's heart was dead
eyes food for worms
the love I felt had left
the boy I was slept six feet down
Ben May 2013
The Morning After Part I
What the hell have I done? It feels like my temples are about to explode and the early morning light burns my eyes. My shirt is missing and I’m curled up on my Lovesac. I glance to the left to see Alice is sprawled out on my air mattress. She looks drained, even while asleep, and I think that I probably look a lot worse. Last night… What happened last night? It’s all just a jumble, my memories out of order. It’s a flash of colors, sounds, feelings and sensations, a blur in my mind. It feels like a tilt-a-whirl of sensory overload and I kind of want to puke. Then, like a dam breaking, fragments of memories flood my mind in a sickening torrent, too much, too much. ****. It’s starting to come back and that’s not even remotely helping, just making it worse. I feel even more confused and all I can think is What Happened…?

Ok! Let’s Party!
a three am party a trip edge
a witching hour emprise time to begin
a black and white strip of paper so thin
it looked so harmless, inconspicuous, even then
five hits for me, four hits for you,
placed under our tongues, we expectantly raise
eyes round the dark room for a white rabbits maze
or floating cat ears and Cheshire grin
the seconds pass, then minutes do spin
nothing
nothing
nothing shifts or shapes, bends or breaks
we wander to seats, choose movie to play
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World comes to life on screen in a blaze
and…

Trip # Cats Everywhere
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4 - !”
cats are crawling slinking stalking
their eyes are glowing growing pulsing
and bodies moving sinuously serpentine
flowing round the corners of my eyes
fleeing from sight like shadowy wraiths
insubstantial  sensory stimulation
hallucination

Trip # ****** Coma
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

ringing blue lightning flashes razor sharp quick
cutting my mind in jaw breaking half
gasping for air I lunge forward hard
and break into silence, stillness, calm.
you have to remember to breathe
when things get fuzzy or funny or anytime now
otherwise sanity slips like water through fingers
or like rabbits down tunnels
on time to lost minds and messy motor control
****** coma, giddy, ecstatic, inescapable, unrelenting

Trip # I’m Melting
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

I have to **** but the whole world is breathing
standing and swaying every step an adventure
entranced by the swirly dripping dropping walls
i barely stay balanced though trousers do fall
relief, ahhh, glance down what the ****!?
maniacal laughter rings through the room
I’m melting I’m melting in big drops and small
being pulled ever downward but never disappearing
warm like candle wax, thick and viscous
I’m leaving a trail of me on the floor

Trip # Music
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

complex strains of sounds by vibrations
subtly influence the mood in the room
emotions experienced changing by song
upbeat pulse lively down tempo drops dangerous
I can feel the sound envelope my soul
Alice enraptured marries the music
sitting on moment to swaying the next
pressed up against me, blink, appears on by wall
(don’t drink and drive, take acid and teleport)
this controlling cacophony swells then settles
an ocean unseen deciding the trip

Trip # Alone
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

Alice embarks on adventure to leave
a trip to the restroom a momentous maze
breathe deep and hold, keep it together
I slip from this plane to a place so strange
the chair is moving and so is her hat
were they ever just objects or always alive
pink and white fur slithers up in answer
caressing my arms sensual depraved
the laughter returns ever occurring involuntary
in fast rolling eyes at madness do gaze
I cavort around with fluffy new friends
tumbling and squirming wiggly worming
the fun never ends the fun never ends
“are you ok?” – Alice inquires
back after minutes turned hours
“is this how it feels to know you’re insane”

Trip # ******
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

the blurry lights shimmer in colorful haze
I swim towards the surface lost in a daze
“hush now hush now you’re ok”
“how long was I out for” a question…a phrase
“ten minutes this time” “it felt like days”
harder to come back, feels like I’m drowning in rain
blood mixes clear with needle in vein
and fading to black and fading to grey
the blurry lights shimmer in colorful haze
I swim towards the surface lost in a daze
“hush now hush now you’re ok”
“how long was I out for” a question…a phrase
“ten minutes this time” “it felt like days”
harder to come back, feels like I’m drowning in rain
blood mixes clear with needle in vein
and fading to black and fading to grey
the blurry lights shimmer in colorful haze
I swim towards the surface lost in a daze
“hush now hush now you’re ok”
“how long was I out for” a question…a phrase
“ten minutes this time” “it felt like days”
harder to come back, feels like I’m drowning in rain
blood mixes clear with needle in vein
and fading to black and fading to grey
“I haven’t slept in eight days”
a half muttered phrase
“what are you saying, it’s been 10 minutes”
alice mouths back with questioning gaze
fade to black

Trip # Telepathic
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...
“mhm yeah like what like yeah what”
“mhm like yeah like what oh what like yeah”
“mhm yeah like what oh **** like what huh oh what”
“mhm yeah like what oh yeah like what mhm ****”
mhm yeah **** like what oh mhm yeah what”
“wait what?”
“****”


Trip # Blue Gum Matrix
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

bubbles bubbles popping in pink
filling my mouth with cotton clouds
sugary sweet deliciously soft
seducing my mind into boiling blue bliss
I don’t notice the binary program lurking through unconscious thought
uploading software for changing perception
the transition to fiction so seamless like silk
I’ve jacked into the system with every chew
it’s twothousandwhatever in metrohive Tokyo
the future is different yet still feels the same
Alice sits solitary in darkened apartment
with wires like web strung throughout the room
all tracing with tracers glowing in ambience a glistening path
to electrical heaven, a desktop computer
my visual sensors are booting and loading
with mechanical perfection clarity arrives
a robot, I robot, created as A.D.E.M.
(Artificially Developed Emotional eMulator)
or A **** Excellent Machine (self-titled)
I sit up and blink as synapses fire
electrical currents carried on nanobig wires
I go move towards alice and watch binary code scroll
plugged into the network a direct hacker helper
this job’s objectives flash ‘fore my face
“we’ve got a big heist, security’s tight”
the scene’s fading out, cameras pan to the night

Trip # In Which I See the Future
“WE ARE *** BOB-OMB 1 2 3 4!”
Haven’t I seen this before?...

Alice and I curl up as one
excessive I know on this excessive night
but excessively is as excessively done, the social norm
it’s experience together and not alone
that draws us closer to breathe in unison
a chance to express feeling in this
uncharted sensory undertaking
together hearts beat in arrhythmic understanding
a feeling of pleasure creeps down my spine
and spreads out in ripples turning to waves
crashing and breaking on the sweet shore of…
alone in the bathroom I reflect on actions
for minutes and hours and finally days
I watch myself age and age and go grey
tormented by thoughts of actions and actions
guilt like creeping mold consumes my visage
decrepit and wasted I stumble from chambers
to find five am clock arms right in my face…

The Morning After Part II**
****.
lysergic acid diethylamide.... an adventure every time
Ben Apr 2013
it feels like a needle through your nose
except without the pain
you're nothing but a disappointment after disappointment
our eyes locked in the coffee shop
but my trembling heart could not tell you just how i ...
my mind is a jumble
high school was the worst best years of my life
a razor never cuts deeper than rejection
and a fear of failure stopped me
from kissing the girl i thought was cute
getting kicked out of my house
is an unfulfilled dream
i want you to get so angry it hurts
and a punch to the face would
help me more than god or molly
i want what is bad for me
but i can never pull the trigger
on my romanticized downward spiral
herion addicts are my secret heroes
but i was born in the wrong century
but but but but i make nothing but excuses
see what i did there?
if i was sixteen again i'd cut my wrists
and be happier because i never took chances
or danced on the floor
just sat on the wall in a constant
of existing but never really living
i'd rather be depressed than happy
and every second that ticks by
is a second i regret
asiwatchmydreamswiltanddietellingmyselfthattomorrowillgetoffmyla­zyassandlivethewayiwantyetitsbeenfiveyearsandihavenothingtoshowfo­rmyselfexceptafewtattoosafewpiercingsandthisdeepdarkcornerofmymin­dthatpraysfordeathonadailybasisandthinksabouthowillkillmyselfwhen­imthirtyfiveandrealizewhatifailureiamandhowihadeverychanceotmakes­omethingofmyselfbutinsteadecidedtolayinmybedandstareatmyceilingha­tingeveryminutethatiwasntfuckingagirlordrinkingmyselftoapointwher­eicouldonlythinkabouthowtheworldfeelsjustrightwhenimpukingupmylun­chinthebathroomandsleepingonthetileflooraloneagainandidaskthegodt­okillmebuthedratherseemesufferwhatafuckingprick
*****
**** up
loser
Ben Apr 2013
why why?
comes the
world-weary cry,
of a
solitary wolf
with pain
in it's
eyes

as the
cold wind
blows, to
herald the
snows and
carrion crows,
whose rancorous
laughter mock
the alone

without a
pack, the
single wolf
dies, under
grey skies
with none
to bare
witness except
maggots and
flies

and the
carrion crows
chortle in
mirth for
the unforgiving
world, cruel
mother earth
cares naught
for the
wolf who
found no
home
Ben Mar 2013
slogging.



on.



through.



these.



identical.



empty.


­
barren.



hollow.



stark.



wasted.



unfulfilled.



godfo­rsaken.



destitute.



days.



one.



step.



one.



step.
­


one.



step.



one.



step.



one.



step.



one.



ste­p.



one.



step.



at.



a.



time.



every.



tttttttttt­tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww­w
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn­nn
tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
yyyyyyy­yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff­fffffffffffff
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu­uuuuuuu
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
hhhhhhhhhhh­hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
uuuuuuuuuuuuuu­uuuuuuuuuuuuu
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
sssss­ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



ticked.



out.



in.



s­econds.



individually.



accounted



for.



brings.



me.

­

to.



my.



knees.



only.



to.



continue.



to.



cra­wl.



forward.



for.



if.



i.



stop.



the.



twilight­.



will.



swallow.



me.



and.



this.



mind.



numbin­g.



purgatory.



will.



turn.



into.



a.



veritable.

­

living.



hell.
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