it's so stupid/dumb/ridiculous
that i persist
in the creation of

**** songs like this
but here i go again.

i have to scream and cry
because emotions
let me know i'm alive

but tell me boy
when i smile
do you know it's because

i'm thinking of times

when i was with you, boy

but now


things are different
things haven't been making sense
things aren't right
since you left

that's how you convinced me to jump in the sack with you.



those three words.


"it's not just *******"

it's pure uncensored emotion


what emotion?


which one?


because it certainly wasn't love
- you never loved me, ever.


it definitely wasn't happiness
-you never made me happy


for sure wasn't excitement
-you never got excited about anything important




so what was it?


anger?
******* me to get revenge
who?

Your mother?

Your ex?




yourself?





maybe it was
heartbreak

******* me
to feel numb
so it doesn't hurt as bad








                                                                  maybe it was boredom.



                                  Yep,





                                                                i think that was it

when we ******

it was never

reassuring.

(i guess i wanted
[i realize now, i never needed reassurance. i only ever ached for love, which
you could never find

time for] us to say goodbye)

it never made
me happy
(okay, one time)


every time (except one)
it felt as though

you were sweeping the floor
completing a chore


so that your mother would stop screaming in your tiny ***** face


Never stopping to ask me

"is this okay"


"it's fine"
would have been my cold, numb answer
; thinking about how you used to sing
to all those other girls
but you never wrote your own songs

and how i could never be yours
because
you
never wanted me(you would never admit it,
your pride will **** you before i do)

but when you pulled out of me
and laid beside me, (your cold slime oozing out, disgusting me)
staring at the ceiling


**i hated you

the biggest piece of *******
is that i can't move on
with my life, until this is settled.
I can't wait to
be over you.
I can't wait for
the point in time
when I
can see you
and not feel
as angry as
I do.


I am angry

at how you

Built a wall
around yourself, keeping me out

and I tore mine down,
          

                        brick; by brick

coaxing you into feeling something

when ALL of this ****


was your idea to begin with.


Well, next time you're lonely

find another girl to stick your **** into.

find another girl to make you feel special.





*find another girl to break

You broke the flower, killed the bud.
You drowned my house among the flood.
You stole the glimpse I held inside,
When all at once I'd known you'd lied.

Much like a fool, I hold these dreams
That your return will stem these screams.
So tarry not, for I still seek
To stop these pangs that make me weak.

Though part of me can surely see
That this heartbreak means naught to thee,
Exist does not the force to quell
My wish to soon escape this hell.

The war that wages in my soul
Has wrought the deepest of all holes.
A crater's size would pale when seen
Adjacent to this wreck of being.

You've done more than efface my trust.
My strength of love could quell all lust.
Why, in your leaving did you force
My tender care to veil remorse?

It's true I hate what you've become.
You've turned lush forests into slums.
Yet still I can't placate and soothe
My unchecked will to still love you.

It's true, I always will, my dear.
However far away, I fear.
What scares me most about the cure?
I won't get better. This is sure.

I'll never satiate this thirst.
I wish you knew how bad this hurts.
I need your touch to which I'll wake.
Those better days, I cannot shake.

I'm done pretending, hate to lie.
I'm through with watching time go by.
Please do return to who you were.
No longer will I stand this blur.

That's all my life is at the present.
Please clarity, soak this lament.
I'm never getting over you,
And I don't want to. Sad, but true.

I want my life, return it now.
Why can't you hold onto the vow?
You promised you would never leave,
But here I am, and still I grieve.

This pain could ******* everything.
Of hardship, truly, I am king.
I'm sick of this, I'm through with hurt.
No longer shall blood soak my shirt.

My heart it pumps the poison lasting.
No longer shall I go on asking.
End this now, or i shall cease.
I can't endure your ruthless lease.

Release my heart from this ****** cage.
For now this pain turns into rage.
I wish for you to feel this pain
That time has not begun to wane.

If only briefly, you could feel
This unchecked hurt that pierces steel,
You'd know your fault, admit your flaws.
You'd cry. You'd suffer. You're the cause.

I always knew this wouldn't end.
If only love and hate could mend
Their savage ways, for both persist
To stake their claims and coexist

Within my body, no escape.
I see no roads beyond the gate.
I'm trapped inside my love for you.
Ironic, yes? Alas, it's true.

My dearest love, t'were this not so,
You'd feel the force of my heart's glow.
Forever wrapped within warm ardor.
'Tis sad that this is so much harder.

I loved you then. I love you now,
But pain is all I can allow.
My tears can't mask what's happened here.
I hate this, always, but I love you dear.

To see the spark that died out quickly,
Then feel the hurt that flew in swiftly,
Brought the dawn's rays brisk and cold,
A feeling warmth should not behold.
You were the straw that broke my back,
It seems I chose the will to lack
A skill that's vital to survive, and thrive,
Indeed. I chose to die.

The strength of love becomes the sword
Of double edge, striking! I'm bored
Of chronic pain that will not leave.
Relentless, biting, lest I grieve.
For in the pangs I find the spark;
That light that leads me to the ark.
The source of joy I'm bound to seek
'Til lacerations cut less deep.

It's in this house that I call home
I find myself, there left alone.
Where I was left to stew in doubt,
Recalling all that you left out.
And though you seek what shan't be sought,
I've found the things that can't be bought.
The love you took for granted, too,
I shall bestow on all but you.

For all are far more fit than thee
To wrap and gift to me the key
To which I shall unveil the truth
Behind the smiles of photo booths
Attached to memories of the past,
Of all the things that couldn't last.
With that I promise you, my dear;
I shall move forward, without fear.

The tortures, fevers, cramps and burns
Recede as quickly as worlds turn.
And though their speed seems too slow still,
My love for you becomes my pill.
My drug, my therapy, my escape.
An unknown man, with mask and cape.
But known to thee, i stir and wake
From floating pyre, on ravaged lake,
To be the dormant man no more.
I'll look to you and find the cure.

Your hate runs deep, my heart stings deeper.
One day soon you'll be the sleeper
That I once was, insomniac.
Too late, I've gone. I won't come back.
You'll know that hurt, cur, feel this wrath.
Your stench of lies deserves this bath.
So have your cake, and eat it too.
Embrace the fraud you've grown into.

When your time comes for outright candor.
Where none are fooled by subtle slander.
Your good name shall be as mud.
Hypocrite. Liar. Cheat. You're ****.
I detest the ease that my heart finds
To beat in time with my demise.
No longer shall I give to you
This core you sought to rip in two.

Indeed you won that battle, true.
This one last thing, I'll give to you:
The knowledge that I've made it back,
An anxious wolf among the pack,
But I've not stopped, I've passed the point
Where cipher's settle, and conjoint.
Normality is caustic still,
But scathing more, this truth shall ****.
To abate the storm, I've readied the cure.
Darling, with finality, I love you no more.

Best friend who i adore,
theres this secret inside that i store.
with a love that cant be physical,
lies a love for you as divine as holy miracle.

You are that friend that i fall to in need,
but this love would destroy you if ever freed.
so upon this sky of clearest night,
to confess is a battle that i have chosen to fight.

Goddess who watches from up above,
take my heart as beautiful as your whitest Dove,
and hide it away so it cannot stain,
a friendship that in ages does not wain.

My lips cannot venture onto your lips,
for fear that confession will be drawn to my tounges tip.
so to your cheek i place this moment.
and keep it close to make memory potent.

i love you too much to love you more,
so this passion i hide behind locked doors.
my friend, my past, my present and loves truest lament.
i regret not a second that i have spent.

Remember when you killed me?
You left me bleeding in your bed.
My heart stopped beating as you walked out the door.
Now I'm dead.
No more talking
No more laughing
No more loving
No feeling.
**Dead.

The one she thought she couldn’t live without
she has forced from her being.
The pain he inflicted, the tears he created
were not worth the will to survive.

She kept breathing
she kept walking
she kept living

She let go of the memories.
She forgot the kisses and  promises.
She burned the bridge back to him.

What she thought was love
was nothing close to hate,
but more of a longing for acceptance.

She won’t deny she’ll miss the feeling of being wanted
but it’s nothing compared to the self-respect she’s gained.