the moon sits, on the branches of the tree
outside the window of my door
the wind whistles it's normally unheard tune
this is the time for it's solo
the fridge hums and floors creek
and there's a rattle from the lone car thundering by,
at 3am.
my mind races, while other are at rest
a pen in my hand, rather than a pillow under my head
really late turns into really early
my words are now silent, scribbles on paper
every feeling I've ever felt plays like a movie reel in my head,
at 3am.
my never dying love for you is loudest and
your faults are perfections
my once strong will is non-existent, just like
all the ****** up things you've ever done, so
I let myself miss you, and it feels even darker
than the blackest of moonless nights,
at 3am.
If I close my eyes, I can see your face
I smell you in each breath
let my tears drop to the page
don't even try to push it away
while my mind turns to liquid and pours out the tip of my pen,
at 3am.

I think you've changed
'cause I don't recognize you anymore
you don't look the same as you did
lying on the bed next to me before

I know I've changed
'cause I think I'm really done
I realized finally how
your quiet rejection's just no fun

but when I leave
I doubt your heart will bleed
I always cared more than you,
and you won't shed no tears,
you probably won't even miss me

I know you love
but not the kind of love I need
I want someone who will hold my soul
without my having to say please

I think I'm tainted
'cause with your face my heart is stained
and no matter who I'm with ever
in my head I'll be thinking your name

but when I leave
I doubt your heart will bleed
I cared so much more than you
and you won't shed no tears
you probably won't even miss me

And you kept me at arms length
helped my up with half your strength
hid behind that never crumbling wall
and yet I still let myself fall....stupid!

but when I leave
I doubt your heart will bleed
I cared more than you could
but you won't shed no tears
you probably won't even miss me
no you probably don't even miss me

this poem has been a long time in the making,
it's not easy like stating, how the sky is blue,
or the grass is green
it's more like how I feel so BIG,
but never seen,
how I loathe that girl in the mirror, and her taunting, nasty screams
she is evil
as she pokes your sides, laughs at that belly you try desperately to hide
calls you chunky, just look at those thighs
girl in the mirror, so full of self hate
your mind is such a powerful thing to waste
on thoughts solely existing to enforce doubt and a need to keep pace
with those matchstick, anorexic figures
always shoved in your face
when it comes to beauty, when did less become more?
when did real, wholesome girls get traded for the *****?
when did your self worth become something you could pay for?
when did being beautiful become dependent on if you shopped at 'that' store?
they used to say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and I've noticed as I've gotten older
that you cannot quantify beauty based on what we see
'cause this world will look a little different to you
then it does to me, and there's no cookie cutter
labeled "beautiful girl", no molded shape to uphold
so big, tall, slender, small, dressed in rags so fine, or dressed to the nines
you're all gold
so long as you're sold
on the fact that you are beautiful!

If I was to die tomorrow,
I'd hope that you would know
that I really did love you
I just have a hard time letting it show
because I've been hurt
had my heart smashed to bits
so I find it hard to admit
that I love you
I'm just afraid
because deep down I know the truth
I know my place
I know my use
and so I keep my half hearted gait
moving opposite your path
for I know that all the love in the world
can't make it work between us
but despite the world being magnetic
and using all it's forces of repulsion
I have a hard time just forgetting,
I love you