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Bellis Tart Mar 2011
that voice of yours
at the bottom of the stairs below
takes my breath to places
i do not know
but my muscles don't flinch
nor do i outwardly show
though my heart beats so fast
out my chest it will go
like a ghost through the wall
i feel your voice flow
and it calls not my name
for you i no longer know
Bellis Tart Mar 2011
I've been thinking lately,
as that is all I seem to do
that I perhaps will never move on
and be completely over you.
But I also have thought of late
that I never really did love
the anti-happiness, dream killer
who lives off flowers and doves
to tarnish all the shining stars
and muddy all crystal waters
who puffs his chest, and looks down his nose
and stomps out the hearts of your daughters
I have been realizing, with all my ponders
that I was just the blind, faithful, fool
trusting your wine was not tainted
and drank it all down, sip by sip
too embarrassed to admit
I wanted not this picture I painted
of blindfolds held by my own hands
or of water colors softened with my tears
this picture should have been oil paints
bold, strong, appreciated, lasting years and years
But thinking of all the things that I wanted
but of yet have not achieved
I try to grow and move on, and say it wasn't love
but my thoughts only awake you in my memories.

I miss you.
Bellis Tart Feb 2011
i know it's impossible
because it's been ages
but every now and then
I smell you,
your hair
your room
your bed
your clothes
I can taste your kiss
though I haven't kissed you
or laid beside you in your bed
or sauntered around in your clothes
since you broke my heart
months ago
(c) 27/02/11
Bellis Tart Feb 2011
I remember when the world was huge
when my small town was all I knew
I remember when I knew no worry
and when I still knew you
I remember the days of before
before I could imagine a life complex
I remember the days before
I had to worry about life, love, loss and ***
when falling in love happened on a weekly basis
I remember when my fears were faceless
I remember when time would pass so slow
when hours felt like days
sipping lemonade on the swings,
in the summer's thick haze
I remember the cool crisp mornings
of September's first weeks
and the hot afternoons reminiscent of summer
walking home from school, longing for the beach
I remember playing games, and doing cart wheels on the lawn
when the leaves were all different colours
and the snow forts I'd build after the leaves were gone
I remember racing down the hill
on sleds, crazy carpets, boxes; what ever we could find
rushing home, after laughing till you almost peed your pants
hoping you'd make it in time
I remember being so happy, not a care in mind
I remember being a kid, and growing up impossibly fast
and having to say goodbye
at the age of nine.
(c) 26/02/11
Bellis Tart Feb 2011
I watch the sun rise again
as I sit alone on the floor
waiting for your gentle knock
on the always locked door
just like I do every night
though I know it is in vain
you're never coming back
not tomorrow, not ever again
that keeps me up all night
talking to myself in my head
knowing you're not on your way
I watch the sunrise instead
(c) 26/02/11
Bellis Tart Feb 2011
I tried practicing meditation
to silence my mind
I tried screaming at the top of my lungs
to drown out my thoughts
I tried weeping for days
to drain the poison out
I tried to swallow it all down inside
in hopes it would dissolve in my stomach
I tried eating the fridge empty
to enjoy something for once
I tried not eating at all
it wouldn't stay down anyway
I tried everything I could think of
to avoid the only choice I had
to walk through the fire
and pray I'd make it out the other side
(c) 22/02/11
Bellis Tart Feb 2011
some people write birthday cards
but there is no mail delivered where you are
so a poem to wish you the best on this special day
no matter if you are near or far

Happy birthday to my big brother
this day of yours is like no other
for this is the day the world was blessed with your grace
though you were taken too soon from this place
another year passes as we miss you more and more
and will write you birthday poems, till you answer heavens door
where we'll meet with balloons and your million dollar smile
and we'll have a birthday party like we haven't had in a while
we'll toast our glasses to our reunited family
while we recant times passed cannily
but till that time comes brother dear
know that I hold your memory ever so near
along with every cleverly placed dime
that I know you've dropped just for me to find
so in closing, all I wanted to say
was I miss you so much, and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
(c) 23/02/11
it's not till march 25, but I've been thinking about you lots lately
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