Bellis Tart

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

Planless

How do you help
    when you're helpless
How do you heal
    when you're not whole
How do you fix it
    when it cannot be fixed
How do you find your way
    when you've lost all hope
How can I breathe
    when there is no air
How can I take all your pain away
    when it's never ending,  a constant wear
When do you get a break
    when it's relentless
When do you give up
    and stop trying
When does it all wash away
    unremitting pain, anger and crying
How do I give you hope
    when I myself have none
How do I chin-up and smile
    when there's nothing left to be done?

(c) 11/11/2010

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

you wouldn't do it for me

I wonder if you knew,
just how much it really hurts,
to try and try and fail,
never getting better always worse,
to give and give and give,
till there's nothing left,
to be broken down bit by bit,
by the one you loved the best.
Would you still use and abuse,
and do your damnedest to put me down,
would you pretend not to feel,
never making a sound.
If the tables were turned,
and my shoes were on your feet,
would you maintain this game,
a smile, like it's a treat?
Would you stand, unwavering, in love,
or would you duck and run,
would you wait for me, like a fool,
after I used you, just for fun?

(c) 07/11/09

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

old feelings

I don't want to be the one,
who keeps on hanging 'round,
though I know you only want me on my back,
and will always hold me down.
I don't want to be that girl,
of endless, no-strings fun,
I don't want to love you,
unless you can be the one.
I can't keep pretending like,
everything you do is okay,
I can't keep going on like this,
in such a self-loathing way.
I just wish you'd have stopped to see,
how perfect things could have been,
I just wish you'd have stopped holding back,
if you'd let me love you, I'd have let you love me.

(c) 07/11/09

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

Forgive me

I'm sorry,
I'm not perfect,
I apologize,
I'll always mess up.

I'm sorry,
You think I hate you,
I apologize,
For being the crazy one.

I'm sorry,
We can't seem to not fight,
I apologize,
We are forever so different.

I'm sorry,
Living with me is such a chore,
I apologize,
changing who I am won't last.

(c) 07/11/09

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

Why?

I'm so up and down,
  it drives everyone near insane,
Why?

I can't be everything you think I should be,
  and you hate me for it,
Why?

Every mirrored action is one you detest,
  I can do nothing right,
Why?

I'd be fine, I'm just a little different,
  but you think I should be perfect,
Why?

I'm sorry I try to be selfless,
  it just causes contempt,
Why?

I'd live a different life if I could,
  to make it easier for you,
Why?

(c) 07/11/09

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

shorty 2

I'm not stable
I'll break soon
Hope you're not around to see it
Proof that I am insane
I try to be normal
But I was born uneven
Sorry that's something you hate

(c) 07/11/10

Bellis Tart Nov 2010

Sober

I always wanted you,
just you, nothing more,
nothing less.
I thought I loved you,
so I tried, to hold you closer,
hanging on too long.
After it all, I get it.
That ruby red flag you've been waving,
I finally see.
So stay away!
I'm done now,
done faking it,
done hiding
ME!
You won't like what you see,
underneath it all
I DO love myself,
and respect,
my friend
was never on your top shelf.
I think it should be worse,
those feelings were love, true
but now I can't stand the thought of your voice,
your face, or that smirk
I couldn't imagine my life without you in it
or rather without who I thought you were,
but it's not like that now,
I feel nothing,
I did fall in love,
just not with the real you.

(c) 04/10/10